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Day 18 Funny how some parts of me function well and others so messed up. Keep on keeping on with my healing. I did 110 short tarot readings in 3 days. Controlled dissociation sure helps with entering someone else's energy field and hyper-vigilance to peoples reactions give me all the clues I...

Day 16 and 17 Been busy reading Tarot at a festival for two days. Again tomorrow. People have fascinating lives. I used to read more several years ago. It’s so much easier after having a lot of EMDR recently. No dissociating or freaking out something bad is going to happen. Tired now. Did...

Day 15 Felt like a step backward day but eneded up a step forward as I stopped berating myself for having minor setbacks amid the progress

Day 14 Good to wake up not feeling the stress of waiting on biopsy results. I slept better last night for sure. My CPTSD workbook is both a blessing and tough read. Such variance in my mood and control of my nervous system, thoughts running wild, and also knowing it's linked to experiences...

Day 13 Biopsy results came back. Benign. All clear. Phew. Relief all round. Second best bit was that when the email with the results came, my stomach started to flip and I could feel a massive panic attack coming. Thanks to recent EMDR changes I was able to head that off and semi-calmly read...

Realising, and letting it stick, that my wife and daughter do not hate me at all. In fact the opposite.

Day12 Have been working through a workbook on C-PTSD by Arielle Schwarz. Struck by how everything seems to know me in that book. Reassuring and demoralizing in equal measure. It is helpful though. I can look at myself more objectively and see myself as someone who was damaged, that situations...

Inspirational recovery story 🙏 Thank you for sharing and best wishes keeping on moving forward 🌟

Day 11 I have been sharing more with trusted friends. I've spoken about having CPTSD, and have luckily been met with understanding. Total opposite from when I tried to explain about troubles to my family decades ago. That led to more damage in retrospect, hooping that I'd get validation and...

Day 10 Overwhelmed by uncertainty and confused by much today. Feeling pinned down and helpless. Silent screams and isolation. I’ve had enough of being this way. How can the past haunt the present so profoundly? How cam shadows of events that were not my fault still bring darkness to the light...

Day9 Empty void left by a childhood of isolation. False self constructed to survive. Hyper vigilance, core of vacant self worth. Just scared lonely. Now able to reassess and reprogram but its demoralizing and overwhelming to constantly realize how my life has been. No wonder I lived in a closed...

Day8 Procedure went smoothly. I dread to think how my experience would have been without the intensive EMDR sessions I’ve had in the last few weeks. Now to wait 10 days for results and follow up. Last month has seen big changes in how my system is wired. Also realizations about how damaged and...

Day7 Biopsy day. It’s early. I’m tired but relatively calm. I use bilateral beeps youtube video. This helps calm and dona little reprocessing. Keeps me in the present and helps with distorted emotional reasoning. Here’s to a good a day as it can be

I can tell and locate ‘bad’ energies in houses, remove unwanted energy and ‘entities’ from properties. I do it from my home, remotely. I can also ‘see’ and feel energy around people, including dark attachments and other stuff I’d rather not. I never knew I could really do this, until I had a...

Day 6 Tomorrow I have my biopsy. When I was told I needed one I was plunged into primal life or death chaos. I went back to EMDR and therapy. Whatever the outcome of this, and odds are in my favor of 80% being fine, i feel on an even keel to deal with it. I am tired of suffering with CPTSD...

Keep on keeping on. Mid 50s here. You still have strength to get through. Having Therapy and finding what works for you will help moving forward. Be kind to yourself. This condition sucks for sure. But there are ways through it.

Tough love is not only an oxymoron, but I believe also a lie. Complaining is a good first step to change as it expresses and a knowledges dissatisfaction. Keep on keeping on.

Day 5 Lots of feelings and overwhelm. I am here. I deserve to be here. Bored and fed up with being this way. Progress is being made but just hate what happened to me and how it made me. Damage done and now being repaired. But what an effort. Lucky unlucky lucky unlucky. Uggh. Existential...

Day 4 The temptation is to avoid writing. To ignore myself and push everything down. Sometimes the emptiness and loneliness of the past threatens to overwhelm and I have to take deep breaths, do some EFT tapping or exercise to bring me into the present. Even the process of writing this grounds...

Day 3. I know some core negative beliefs I have are that I have to be in panic mode, that I am repulsive and unloveable, that danger is all around, and I'm worthless. That's not the complete list. And all these are on a sliding scale and not present all the time. One of the best things for me...

For me EMDR was a game changer. Had it 17/18 years ago and turned my life around. Have now returned to it as I knew I hadn’t dealt with everything. Lots of therapists have it as part of their ‘toolkit’. I made sure I found an experienced therapist who only worked in EMDR and PTSD Trauma based...

Day 2 of the diary. Yesterday I had an online EMDR therapy session with my new therapist. We've three in person meetings, one 2 hour and two 3 hour sessions to get things underway. I'm lucky-they are good, and I like their energy. I've been around therapy enough to know it's limitations but also...

Very much understand that shame and embarrassment. It’s tough to recall and reprocess. Anger and hurt seems to underpin those other feelings. Humiliation as well. Being slapped by people who should be taking care of you is humiliating. And adds to the feeling of desperate powerlessness. Thanks...

There are some definite acupressure points that can be massaged and activated. These can have positive effects for sure. I’m a licensed massage therapist and have some knowledge of this. You tube has tons of videos for such points. I often use them for stress while sleeping or waking up from bad...

thanks for your detailed reply. It's really helpful. I’m sure writing something daily will be useful too. I’m lucky with a good T. I knew what I was looking for and what I needed. But to find one close and who altered their schedule to get me in ASAP for three intensives was a life saver. They...