Search results

I had to quit a job that was stressful to me (but something I could handle) but loved because my stress caused him stress, so I was given the ultimatum of him or my job. AND, the added stress on me, of his not being able to handle when I had to bring work home (weekend dispatching meant carrying...

@Deadman Tears. I have no words. That was...so kind. I had no idea how much I needed to see just that, right at this moment. And I am so sorry for the pain your illness causes you, all of you.

Trust, for me, isn't just about fidelity. I would never cheat on my partner, it's just not in me. I've been cheated on in every serious relationship I've had. I'm not sure what that says about me and the partners I choose...But, fidelity has never been an issue of my trust, even in my current...

I swear, some of my posts make me realize just what a roller coaster this is. I re-read what I wrote earlier and...really? Not that great? Damn, woman. The lows were pretty low. But the every day, and the highs, were amazing. Even our therapist said she'd never seen a couple who just *got* each...

@tiredtexan It's like a sock to the gut when you come to that realization, isn't it? I have always thought of myself as the kind of woman who would never let anyone abuse me, emotionally, verbally, or physically. I KNOW I would not take physical abuse. I'm not a violent person, but I will not...

I am currently reading (and working through) a book that is giving me some great insight and tools: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. Not all of it resonates with me, but like any such book, I can take what I need and leave the rest. It IS really helping me work through...

And I just realized - @Snowflakes my "Can't joke" and "rip my heart out" wasn't directed at you! :eek: That was saying what I can't to my sufferer! :wideeyed:

@Snowflakes Nah, I didn't think of you as insensitive. I actually truly appreciate your words. :hug:

Ooh another fresh hell today - acting as if we have NO history. First, he was trying to explain who one of his favorite musicians is - one that we've talked about extensively before, we've shared music by, and who is a "favorite" on our car's XM Radio so...I see the name pop up all the time...

Unfortunately, no longer in therapy together. It was too much for him, he was dissociating during it (I think...or he's dissociating when he is acting his most calm...I honestly am not sure anymore), and after he decided he's done, he was going...just to go? It was an item on his calendar, so he...

I'll reiterate the detachment and witness/recording part from @GrayOwl. I learned in the last few months that I can't really trust much of what my soon to be ex sufferer says, and not necessarily because he's being malicious about it. I can practice all the active and reflective listening in the...

:hug: I'm at the point where I'm trying to just keep on and keep going until I move out - I won't be able to truly heal or move on in any meaningful way until I'm not living in the same house as a man who will act as if nothing is wrong, and as if he loves me, and then go into isolation mode...

@Snowflakes @TheMinsterman Thank you. While on one hand I KNOW I'm doing the right thing, I'm getting "Just leave already, he dumped you!" from, like, everyone I know. And then on the other, his being grateful, then on a bad day "You're just wanting to be a martyr," when I wasn't complaining or...

I should have known this would happen - and, to be fair to myself - kind of did warn him; he, of course, didn't believe me, and who am I to argue about his benefits anymore? He did dump me, after all. Soon to be ex was injured on the job, and has already gotten a settlement from the state (his...

I should add, I in no way want to belittle what my sufferer is going through, or trivialize it. My anger as well stems from the fact that he COULD work on himself, and chooses not to. I can try to imagine what it's like, but I know my own experience, even with the numbness and self-harm that...

*hugs if you want them* I feel you. Today, I've found myself trying to figure out how to help my sufferer move into his own place - when he's the one who dumped me. He has no inkling of the wake he's leaving. For him, it's just that he needs to be alone, period. He doesn't (or won't) see that...

Yes! I have always suffered from depression and anxiety myself, and have been on meds for over 20 years now. It's always been very much a chemical thing, because I am, ironically, an incredibly optimistic and positive person, even when I'm trying to swim through the abyss (anxiety and depression...

Sadly, I didn't know he had cPTSD, so I did and said all the "wrong" things throughout our relationship. I live with mental illness myself, so I thought it was "just" depression and anxiety and anger management issues, so of course, I tried to offer advice and support and understanding. I'm...

My experience with isolation is different to, methinks. For the seven years of my relationship with my sufferer, I didn't know he had PTSD (it's becoming more apparent that HE knew, even if it wasn't formally diagnosed, and didn't tell me - so there's that). So I didn't know what his attempts at...

I'm not sure this falls in the "can do right now," or a "need to learn better" category, because in the midst of an amygdala hijacking, it's not like you can really control it. Maybe an "after the fact" sort of thing? I'll second (third?) the cut us some slack. :) We supporters don't WANT to...

Start researching. The more you know, the better prepared you are. One book I found helpful (for me at least, though I wish I'd had it from the beginning) is The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy, by Diane England. Keep...

It sounds like a pretty typical push because he feels like you're getting too close. It sucks. The only thing I can think of would be to tell him "I'm not going anywhere, and it's not up to you to decide if you deserve me or not. If bad things happen, we'll tackle them together" And then keep...

I'm on the "supporter" side of this - at the tail end of a marriage with someone who didn't admit he had PTSD until we ended up in marriage counseling, seven years into our relationship, 5 1/2 years into our marriage. Living with someone else has been very hard on him, and I had no idea. I...

I had come to a pretty big realization when out to lunch with coworkers, regarding how my relationship was with my husband. One of them was talking about how he and his wife are working on fixing up their house (it's been an almost year-long process), and how they're in the home stretch, and...

@Friday hits the nail on the head. Sexual function (and dysfunction) is so tied to our mental well-being, it's not surprising at all to see sexual interest disappear. My sufferer and I went two years without sex (and prior to that another two-ish years), before finally starting to call it quits...