General Any Other Supporters In Therapy?

[caligirl03]

I recently split from my sufferer due to his refusal to seek treatment. Since then I've been going to my own counseling to help process the break up and deal with the panic attacks I started having towards the end of the relationship. I don't think I realized just how much of a toll it had taken. Having someone help make sense of things is already starting to help me feel so much better. Any other supporters receiving outside support?

 

[Snowflakes]

@caligirl03 I support my wife who has C-PTSD. She has had her own therapist and phychiayrist for years. Other than a NAMI Family to Family 12 session class, I was doing this alone. My coping skills were going down and my frustration and resentment were going up. I could see that I wasn't doing myself any good, I certainly wasn't helping my sufferer, and I could see where this would end up hurting me in the future.

So now I go to couples counseling with my sufferer and I also receive therapy on my own. I started doing this after ready the suggestions of other sufferers here when I first stated lurking here. Going to therapy was, and is, the best thing I have done. I wish I had done this years ago.

I commend you for taking that step and getting counseling now. Even if you have split from your sufferer, this will help you heal. I also believe it will help you in your future relationships. By that, I mean, today's therapy will help you not "wait for the other shoe to drop" in a future relationship. If, God forbid, my wife ever leaves me' I wouldn't want someone in my future to pay for the baggage from my past. My therapy today is helping me to see that.

I'm glad you're doing this and it is helping you feel much better.

 

[grimalkin]

Yes! I have always suffered from depression and anxiety myself, and have been on meds for over 20 years now. It's always been very much a chemical thing, because I am, ironically, an incredibly optimistic and positive person, even when I'm trying to swim through the abyss (anxiety and depression tend to manifest in the physical for me - fatigue, panic attacks, pain - all while WANTING to do stuff and be happy). I'd done therapy before, but ultimately, it was to sharpen my Cognitive Behavior Therapy skills, because I just didn't get much out of talking to someone about how I'm optimistic, but just can't get out of bed most days.

I've never not been depressed, though. I figured tired and in pain most of the time was my "normal," and wouldn't get any better. If I could get out of bed more often than not, and didn't want to hide every single day, I was doing pretty good. If I felt numb more than anything, it was better than the abyss.

In November, I was having severe anxiety again, because of what was happening with my marriage, so I talked to my doc and upped my dosage.

In December, after the death of my dad (right after my birthday and right before Christmas), and my husband telling me he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore (while I was gone for two weeks, to be with my mom, dealing with the death of my dad), I realized...I wasn't depressed for the first time in my life. No more physical symptoms. For the first time in, literally, 42 years, I wasn't feeling that weight. I could easily get out of bed. My anxiety was minimal. And the little aches and pains I figured was just a fact of life...were gone.

And that's when I decided to get therapy for myself, lol. Just having someone with whom to work through all these new emotions that were coming with NOT being depressed has been amazing. Having someone who understands PTSD, and who reminds me that, no, I'm not a terrible person because he says I am, has been so...healing.

And, most importantly, she's helped me work through things that are finally coming to the surface, because there is finally room for them, because the abyss no longer takes up everything else. She's helping me with the isolation and codependence that I allowed to happen, because it's so easy to do, when trying to keep someone from snapping at you.

So yes. I never thought I'd get anything out of therapy for myself, and I'm sure I'd survive without it, but it's been so so helpful to me. Being able to rant and cry and hone my coping skills, all while making sure I am able to move ahead, without more baggage than I can carry, is freeing.

 

[awayhome06]

I recently split from my sufferer due to his refusal to seek treatment. Since then I've been going t...

Good for you.
I am currently in the process of splitting from mine, basically for the same, but also other issues. I also experience panic attacks from the situation and from the anxiety my husband has been causing me over the years. I just resumed therapy and made sure to find someone with experience with PTSD to help me wade through it all and move on.
I really hope you find get what you need. Remember that your ex's problems weren't your fault and that you have a great opportunity to recover and find yourself a healthy relationship with someone who cares enough about you to make that a priority.

 

[dulcia]

I recently started talking to my own T. Still with my SO.

 

[ArtsyYogi]

Yes....my therapy pre-dates me being friends with the friend of mine with PTSD. I think it's been three years now that I have been talking with her. I was seeing my therapist once a week for the first year and a half. Then it went to once a month for the second year and now I just text her and set up an appointment when I need to work through something.

She's a god send and she was the one who asked the right questions to direct me to the root of my issues which is codependency. I have used quite a few therapists over the years...but none of them were able to really help me because I was so high functioning with codependency. I haven't had to use any medications to help me along my therapy path...just used behavior modification and a lot of good books on codependency.

 

[caligirl03]

Yes....my therapy pre-dates me being friends with the friend of mine with PTSD. I think it's been thr...

Any codependency books in particular you recommend?

 

[ArtsyYogi]

Melodie Beattie is the author that I have all of the books by. She was the one who made codependency mainstream back in the 80's. Codependent No More is the first book she wrote...that is the one that changed my life. There is a ton of talk about alcoholism and alcoholics in CoD No More because that's where codependency was first really noticed with people who loved and cared for them. The New Codependency is her more recent book....and I'm actually listening to it today as an audiobook. I listen to it every so often as a reality check just so I can keep my own head straight and not get too wrapped up in others. She talks less about alcoholics and alcoholism in this new version but talks about the other issues that can cause codependency in people. My codependent issues stem from being an accidental pregnancy to a resentful mother (and she was married to my father at the time too) who has a significant mental illness of her own. Fun times growing up in that environment as a kid.

Her other books that compliment Codependency No More are:

Beyond Codependency
The Language of Letting Go
More Language of Letting Go

When I read CoD No More of the first time...I saw sooooooo much of myself in that book. It was a huge affirmation to me to why my life wasn't working at the time. It also showed me why I made the choices in men that I have over the years (I'm in my 40s.) These books where so important for me to look at myself and not at other people as to why I was a mess. I made a bunch of big life changes after reading them. Like I said in another post in the supporter relationship forum....I do still have days when CoD still makes me think and behave in unheathy ways. Those buttons still get pushed. But, I can catch myself now and instead of going into that helper/caregiver/obsessive/controller/victim role. I can recognize it, stop myself, and backup a couple of steps.

 

[ArtsyYogi]

Melodie Beattie is the author that I have all of the books by. She was the one who made codependency...

I forgot to mention that Amazon carries all of her books. I bet you could find a couple of them at your local library too.

 

[Amack]

Yes, Mam. Life made so much more sense once I started going. You are so right, You have NO idea how much you are becoming affected until you step back and reevaluate life with the help of someone else (on the outside)........Good for you!!

 

[grimalkin]

My therapist just recommended CoDependent No More to me. It was already on my "to get" list, but it got bumped up. She wanted me to follow a book I started on my own, Susan Anderson's The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, with something on codependency, so I don't fall into the same patterns in the future.

 

[Ellaur]

I read Codependent No more back in the 80's, i need to pick it up again for a much needed refresher. Has anyone read Shock Waves by Cynthia Orange? I am currently reading it right now- it is a guide to Living with a loved ones PTSD. I got this website from this book. She provides other resources as well and talks about her own journey with her husband who is a Vietnam Vet diagnosed with PTSD. It is helping me see the need for my own Therapy and outside help. For so long though, I didn't know where to turn. It seemed like I was on my own for so long. Now the VA is offering a support group for spouses and also individual therapy for families of the veteran with PTSD. I have gone to the support group but it is new and so far only 1 other person has come to it. I am waiting to hear back about the Therapist. It just feels so good to have someone understand everything I have been going through.