Relationship Affirmation

[dulcia]

I am in a physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive relationship.

 

[Binkie]

Can you get out?

 

[GrayOwl]

Do you wish to see change?

Can you safely and securely bring change about?

Are you in danger?

 

[dulcia]

Sorry, I should have added a disclaimer! I am safe. I have my own space. There is not currently physical abuse, as there has not been any in just over 2 months. I just realized today that I need to come to terms with the bad parts of my relationship, even if it is not this way all the time.

 

[dulcia]

I guess that's the thing about abuse..... It's not 24/7 in all cases, or else why would people stay in it? I have the tendency to say it's not abusive when things are good, but that doesn't take away what happens when things are bad.

 

[Beemo3780]

Abusive relationships are like roller coasters. They go through a cycle where there's abuse, it gets better, but then goes back to abuse. In my case, it gradually kept getting worse after having a short bit of calm in between. I came to realize that it wasn't going to stay good and the cycle would just continue if I didn't get out.

 

[asadafagahajakal]

Gosh you scared me with the first post in the tread. Im glad youre safe though.

 

[desiderata310]

yeah... it took someone pointing out the 'cycle of abuse' at a point where the cycle was crazy fast for me to figure it out.

 

[GrayOwl]

You deserve to be treated well.
You deserve to live your life happy, joyous, and free.
I'm still working on that.
Learning to live life in the absence of a SO, with all of the fearful insecurities and roadblocks that I place in my way, is a lot of work for me. I've gotten the most help from people here. I'm learning lots of things about me and how to deal with things. I'm making progress and life is getting better.
Please, hang in there. One foot in front of the other.

 

[dulcia]

Sorry @Charleh. I wasn't thinking.

 

[grimalkin]

@tiredtexan It's like a sock to the gut when you come to that realization, isn't it?

I have always thought of myself as the kind of woman who would never let anyone abuse me, emotionally, verbally, or physically. I KNOW I would not take physical abuse. I'm not a violent person, but I will not hesitate to defend myself physically.

But the emotional and verbal abuse is insidious, and when the apologies and promises come...It was like I couldn't trust my own senses on what was happening.

And the excuses and the "if it's so bad, then leave," and the self-doubt that, well, it's not THAT bad, I'm in charge of my own emotions, and he can't MAKE me feel anything...etc etc etc.

*hugs if you want them* Take care of you, first and foremost. I'm learning that we're not bad people if we can't continue to stick around. Relationships HAVE to be a two-way street. WE aren't the abusers because we have emotions (my sufferer has accused me of being abusive - when all I'm doing is having a strong emotion, not even directed at him). We DO NOT trigger them - they GET TRIGGERED (disclaimer: if someone is purposely doing things to trigger their sufferer, they are DEFINITELY part of the problem and that IS abusive).

I'm sure you know all this (you've provided wonderful words that have helped me in this journey, yourself), but sometimes we all need to hear it again. :hug:

 

[caligirl03]

Sometimes simply acknowledging that which we've been trying so hard to actively avoid (but perhaps have on some level known all along) is empowering. You're fully awakened to your situation now, which begs the follow-up question: What are you going to do about it? By reclaiming your own power, you pull it away from the hands of those who ever thought it was theirs to do with--and you--what they wanted.