Search results

I've been hiding...in every sense, since going to see the therapist. How long time of hiding is needed to be certain that no baddies will come and find me now that I've sought help?! I'm supposed to go there every week :( She seemed okay though. She's the same lady that assessed me and she...

Thank you everyone for listening and liking :) This one I wrote when I was ten, the abuse continued intermittent and unpredictable but I made a new friend, which made me happier. She was called Darling and she and her family were refugees from Africa and very unusual in our little village. Not...

Thank you Splinter for sharing and letting me now that loosing my words isn't just me being silly and that you get it too... And maybe I'll write my fears down as you suggested Bluebird . I love languages and I speak a few different ones, but I only understand some Czech because of an older...

I know the feeling Antidote *shuffling over to sit next to you* I feel really scared and unsafe a lot of the time. I think Lucy is right, there has to be a way to create inner safety but I guess it's easier said than done. You must be tired from sleeping on the couch/ listening for danger...

Safety tools, to make me feel safer? That sounds good :) <3: Muru

Thank you Lucy, Splinter and Bluebird for the comfort hugs (((hug back)))) I guess I know I need this therapy, so I just go even though I'm scared. Do you think it would be okay for me to tell the therapist that I'm really scared of the situation where I'm shut in a room with a stranger...

I was back in Finland for the last few weeks to see my family and friends. Its weird that when I know that I've booked the flights and I have to go, then I just go. I become a robot, I don't feel anything, I don't think much of anything, and when I'm there I don't have nightmares either. It's...

I visited mum and dad over Christmas and sorted through some of my old stuff. I found this note book full of poems that I'd written when I was 9-12 years old. I couldn't bring myself to read them then, but I've been looking through them now. They make me cry, but not sure why. They're not sad...

Splinter, you're really good with your words. Thank you for listening and not judging me for how I was with him. And thank you for sharing as well. I feel I need to finish writing the worst part down. Thank you for listening to everyone who decides to read this bit, and even bigger thank you if...

I guess you're right Splinter... I got to start somewhere even if that means just putting my body through the motions, I just hope my mind will always find it's way back into my body... Will it always? I also can't stop thinking about stuff that happened with my baddie boyfriend... I don't know...

Thank you all you lovelies for staying so positive and encouraging for me *hugs* Yesterday I did it, I got out the flat with my friend, had some breakfast at his place and then went to get the medication with him. Then we walked back and we sat in my back garden for a bit before he went off to...

Thank you for the encouragement and practical tips Splinter. On Sunday I couldn't do it... He came to collect me and we walked as far as the end of my street and I couldn't help checking the clouds which were quite dark and I just froze :( He had to shake me back into my body and then I told...

So, my friend came to visit me last night. Seeing him for the first time after two years was so good, I could only cry and hug him for a long time. He said I looked thinner, sadder and worn out with huge darks under my eyes (embarrassing) and he wanted to know if I was ill... I wanted to stop...

Thanks for the encouragement Bluebird *hug* and Splinter for the practical tips. Yes, I'm in the UK and the chemist is only around the corner, maybe a mile away. I went out in our enclosed back garden yesterday for half an hour. That's as much as I could manage :( I'll talk to my friend this...

I called my GP and she came to visit me... I'm now on antidepressants , the ones that are supposed to stabilise mood and help with anxiety. The lot she gave me lasts a week and then I have to take myself to the pharmacist to get another lot to continue with. She said to come and see her in a...

For the last couple of weeks I've really struggled with nightmares and being scared of everything... I haven't been able to leave the house and had to tell work I've got a bad flu. Therapy hasn't started yet..they said the waiting list is 6-12 weeks so I guess I have to wait a while still...

Thank you guys for sharing your experiences and understanding where I'm coming from with the wondering about whether to start therapy or not... I don't think I would decide properly until therapy slot comes available...at the moment I just try to ignore the whole idea to avoid more anxiety /...

No....I didn't tell the assessor properly , but I did admit that I struggle with eating as part of my ongoing symptoms. Thanks for helping me feel a bit calmer about it...but you're right ,if I didn't feel so anxious about it, maybe I could cope with it better. I try to keep a routine.... On...

Since telling the therapy assessor on Tuesday about the main parts of my abuse I've really struggled with my eating :( I've been trying to play my accordion a bit more to keep distracted. It makes me feel safer when I play my music. I think music is my saviour in many ways, but I'm not sure if...

Thank you Splinter *hug* and Lucy for helping me understand what it is. I feel better now that I know the "complex" part doesn't mean that I'm a hopeless case, and that these things can be worked at... If I'm strong and brave enough... I guess while I'm waiting I can try to find my courage to...

I did it, I went to to see the therapist and let her assess if I could have therapy to work out all the problems and effects that all the baddies had on me. My friend came along and sat outside waiting for me and we went for a walk in the park after (one rare day that it hasn't rained and the...

Firstly I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who's been reading and replying to my posts *safe hugs to you* A lot of the time when I think of my life growing up, I feel kind of a dull acceptance. The feelings only catch up with me in nightmares and proper flashbacks when I'm not here...

Thank you Bluebird for your kind words and all the hugs. To be honest, I can't see myself telling anyone in real life...just speaking out loud the horrible things would be so difficult... But, maybe if I get into therapy in a few months, and I'll get used to talking about it (if it's at all...

Thanks for your encouragement and advice about the assessment *safe hugs* I'm not sure how I'm feeling... A lot if the time I feel numb, or cut off... I find it hard to name feelings when I feel them, so if I'm not feeling numb I get overwhelmed with feelings that I'm not sure what they mean or...

Bluebird, Im sorry that you also find nourishing yourself difficult at times, living in a grown up body *hug* In my "sane" moments I try to tell myself it's not any of our bodies' fault, and the better care we take of ourselves physically, the stronger we will be to fight the baddies out of...