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Wow

@Link Removed - I too had to pull away from my mother for a while at my T's urging. When I asked why he explained because the relationship at that time was toxic for me and if I was to survive I had to get clear for a while. All the emotions of guilt and doubt about whether it was the right...

It's what you dread - the key giveaway is cruelty to a defenseless pet.

What are the reasons it feels inappropriate? I would start there...

Friday is right -

@Link Removed - By the way, Scout posted as I was finishing mine, but I didn't read any of it until mine uploaded. The point is we're both encouraging you along the same lines of what happened was in a single moment of time, with a lot of incoming sensory information to process in very little time.

Perfect hindsight is hard to bear. Without me knowing what happened, and I don't mean to take away from your experience, I do know that each one who follows orders, does so during the totality of the circumstances at that moment. Is it possible you acted or reacted to training and the...

@AnnShh - Glad you found the forum. I joined a few weeks ago and have been helped a lot with the encouragement of members here. And, there are many members who understand so much. Others have overcome great odds to survive and share their struggles; and most of us continue each day to deal with...

@Nikie - Glad you found this site, and welcome -

@GWhizz - You're on the front lines of survival; no wonder you're having such a hard and difficult time after what was done to you. I admire how you've brought yourself through so much already. You've encouraged to continue in the face of my own feelings of hopelessness.

I understand that fear of further loss.

You're right, this has been my experience when trying to connect with the emotions buried inside and my mind protected me. And when I did connect it was very hard to bear, but I eventually got through the more intense emotions. A good T will guide you on this path carefully; she must because...

Have you read PTSD Breakthrough, by chance? I just started it and am wondering whether the book's premise is sound.

@Link Removed Well said -

What is your T calling this feeling of going backward?

Are you asking for input based on what members here see is going on with him?

Good work!

@Mike W - Wanting to retaliate is normal when others ridicule. You took the high road out of there. Stay on it. And, it won't be easy. Cashew's right about drinking. It led me down a deep dark hole that was hell climbing out. Run from drinking like hades was on your heels, just run on the high...

That kind of anger is normal and good, I think. Anger at my past helped me express some things in therapy I had been too ashamed to ever tell anyone before. Accepting that the past happened doesn't mean to excuse it, only acknowledge it in a way that allows healing to begin. I have to think in...

Welcome - Thank you for your years of service.

I know what it's like hearing those voices from the past and what it's like feeling useless because of what I've been told. So I get what you're describing. And, yes, we're responsible for doing our part in recovering from what's happened to us. I've also read some of your posts when you've...

Welcome to the forum - Learning to manage the effects of PTSD helps some things get easier. Part of what I've learned is how to change my perspective, or my filter, in the way I understand what is going on around me. The struggle for me is following through on the daily need to reframe my...

@Fitnessbunny85 - Glad you found the forum, welcome to a great community -

@FindingMyself88 - You've been hammered, that's for sure. No wonder you're feeling so low. If I could encourage you it would be to go to therapy regardless of how you feel. I too have the kind of depression that has drained my motivation and most of my energy, and am usually just too tired to...

@Link Removed - I'm glad you found this forum. It's a great place to learn, find supportive people who understand, and by this ease that feeling of being so alone. Welcome -