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It was suggested to me today that I work on building my self-confidence and public speaking skills. Any suggestions on how to do this?

Well, I went to my appointment with T today. It went well actually. He was very reassuring that I haven't messed things up. I am glad I went. Thank you all for your help and encouragement.

Thank you guys for your responses. I know that my therapist doesn't think I am terrible because of this. He tried to reassure me of that. I do think that he was just trying to do the right thing and was trying to concider my safety, but I do think that his hesitation left me feeling like I...

I feel like I've messed things up with T. I don't know if I can go back. I don't know what to do. I finally emailed T and asked him if I could talk about my memories of the abuse with him. He responded and I thought things were okay, he seemed really supportive of it. But then I asked him...

I don't think that's what @EveHarrington was saying at all (sorry if I am stepping in out of place). I think Eve was stating facts about posting things online and the possible consequences of that. She also gave some great advice on respecting others boundaries from the perspective of someone...

I would say it's time to just chalk it up as a loss and move on. That's just my opinion though. Writing a letter to your pastor asking if there are any conditions in which you could be readmitted to the church might be a way to find out if there is any chance of going back. As long as the...

I think it is natural to wonder these things sometimes. I mean, for me my T is someone I have shared more with than I have anyone else, so I wonder things like that sometimes. I don't have "others" so I don't have any personal experience as far as that. I do find myself thinking things like...

I had something kind of similar happen before. My pastor and his wife were my foster parents for a while as a teenager. Once I aged out, I rented a room from them in one of their church buildings. They were like family too me. The were perfect in my mind. They were the family I had always...

What are other things that help you relax? Maybe try doing some of those. I had a friend who use to have a "worry box". If she was having trouble at night, she would write down what she was worring/stressed about on a piece of paper and put it in the box. Once she put it in the box, the...

Thank you guys for your responses. You are spot on with this @BlueOrange I think I will take it with me to my appointment, but try to talk about it like you suggested.

OK, first of all, sorry I have been posting/asking so many questions lately. I just really don'the have anyone else to ask these questions too. So, on to my question... I wrote out some stuff about the sexual abuse I experienced as a child and my feelings/thoughts about it. I have been...

I am sorry you are not feeling very supported on this site. Maybe you last post was just missed somehow? I know there are lots of posts I miss because I'm not on all the time, or its in a section I don't usually look at. I don'the think it was intentional, not on my part at least. Try not to...

Is just simply continuing to exist an accomplishment? My T says it is. He says that on days like this, when I am questioning my ability to keep fighting, that keeping myself alive is an accomplishment I can be proud of. When it takes every ounce of will I have not to give up and stop...

I don't think that being able to say "I was a victim" is feeling pity for yourself. It's not about feeling sorry for yourself, it's about acknowledging that what happened was wrong and it wasn't my fault and placing responsibility with the abuser. Again, that's just my opinion and I...

I don'the think that these two things always go hand-in-hand. Just my opinion though.

For me, it took a long time to be able to say the words out loud "I was a victim of abuse" or "I was abused". Being able to finally identify as a victim allowed me to start accepting that what happened to me was abusive, it was wrong, and it wasn't my fault. I found it to be empowering in a...

The only thing that has me holding on right now...I'm not sure there is anything. I was doing okay yesterday, but I cannot shake these thoughts today. I am in a really dark place. This is the closest I have felt to suicide in a long time.

You are not alone in the self-sabatoge arena. I have found myself there many times. It is getting to be less often now thought. Like Lee said, maybe writing down your symptoms, how you end up self-sabatoging, etc. and taking it to an appointment with your doctor or a mental health provider...

Thank you all for your replies. @Lola Nocheprieta I was able to read the poem. Thank you for sharing it with me. It was something that I needed reminded of, that I have made it through these feelings before and I can today too. I have an appointment with my T tomorrow. I made a bargain with...

I am having a difficult day today. I don't know if I can keep going. Ever since the visit from my father and grandfather (my abuser) last week I haven't been doing well. I am struggling with suicidal thoughts right now. I don't know why I should stick around just to continue to feel this...

I agree with everything Shells said. What your mother did was not normal.

Yes, I have thought about it. It is something that is difficult for me. I had to pretend for so long as a kid that everything was just fine, that it almost seems natural to do that around my family, if that makes any sense? It is something I have talked about in therapy and I feel like being...

Thanks for explaining that, lostforgottensoul. It makes a little more sense looking at it in that way. Still not sure what I think about it though. I know how much it hurt having my experience of abuse discounted, so I don't feel comfortable discounting someone elses experience whether I view...

Yes, that is what I meant. He appeared in my safe place at the end of my session with my emdr T. I will talk to her about it and see if she thinks things were going to fast. Pacing things out a bit is a good idea right now. I might feel more comfortable going back and doing more emdr if it...

Thanks for your response Missycat. Its funny that you would say this. I have always thought of it as a "weakness", like I wasn't strong enough to tell him I never wanted to see him again. Its nice to think of being able to handle it, even if just briefly, as a strength.