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doing the same about unlocking the knowlegde of what happened in ma life

When I was a kid I kept comparing falling asleep to playing chess against my brain

that would make me strong enought to be trust by my brain to know what it was hidden to keep me sane

Maybe I somehow think if I read and write thing terrible enough my brain will allow me to know what it kept hidden from me

Yes I read and write to try to unlock what my mind judge safer to hide me

I always forget I forget all the time the same things. It's like someone is lock in a day that start over each day and this person can see me realizing something every days of the day on repeat

sorry if my way of expressing is messing around but I often need to separate things. I know my mind lock this things for my well-being but it doesn't feel right so I keep digging to find out what it is. Maybe it's just a misplaced post as whole since I understood I reading and writing to...

There are locks in my head, I think by reading enough I could find what they are hiding

I deleted everthing I was trying to write because I can't trust anyone else than my best friend. I saved what I initially wrote in a safe place to me. With my dissociation issues informations are separate in such a way I can forget that it exists in the first place. To go back in the subject...

I usually get full panic in matter of seconds or tactil flashback when confront to a "too similar" situation. I aslo tend to react to trigger some time after it happened (hours days) and this ones feel like I'm trapped and won't be able to ever free myself. I separete this two because the...

saillon (switzerland)

responsabilities

Ficition always was a safe place for me. My father said as soon I could read I was always being seen a book with me. But with years my reading get more and more dark and violent to the point I'm reaching what I consider the worst things I'm able to find. Also I started writing and my very first...

I wonder if I can recall a time emotionnal distress wasn't a constant to me

I wish I didn't start reading violence in fiction. And getting further and further with it. And writing it. So far of what I'm ok with. I keep asking myself if writing that kind of thing is doing anything positive for me. I asked my therapist. If she had a clear answer about it I don't remember...

law

gland (switzerland)

also it would be nice next time to actually read what I'm buying before buying it

some 3 minutes in hot water ramen, too done with today (I ate real food earlier)

Fiction by far. I live by and for fiction relaxing music or dynamic music ?

rain

When does life get easier ?

Music

Can I just catch a break ? Fictional people are going to suffer for that. Love writting, it's relaxing ^^

Sion (switzerland)