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When I woke up in hospital after an overdose, the realisation dawned that not only had I failed, but that the issues I was running away from were still there, just as bad, the depressive emotions were over-whelming. Somebody on the ward, talked to me for five minutes, I had no idea who they...

Diazepam - it can be addictive, but I only use it after several nights without sleep when I'm really struggling to function. It leaves me dopey for a while the following morning. Knocks me out though.

I think your feelings are completely understandable, I felt similarly anxious prior to reading my notes, although for different reasons. It sounds like you have a conscientious therapist in whom you can trust to guide and support you. I'm waiting to hear from social services about my adoption...

Thanks @tontoe my reactions sound very similar to yours, including the need to seek opinion from others. I've been completely stumped for an answer to the out of the blue, un-triggered anxiety attacks, so this seems to offer one possible explanation. Best wishes to you too.

Only just read the article, which is very helpful. I experience anxiety attacks frequently, of varying degrees of severity. Many of them can be linked to an event or thoughts (trigger I guess...). But I also experience rushes of anxiety (rapid heart rate, fearful emotions, stuff like that)...

I also tried to get hold of hospital records, but they had been destroyed (due to the amount of time that had passed). I had to contact the hospital where I had my last surgeries to ask the medical records dept. to look for them. At the time I was concerned because I knew my hospital records...

Social services forced me to give them access to my medical records. So I decided to see them for myself as well. I had to write a letter to my gp practice manager, and then arrange an appointment to go see them. I was given the file and left in a room on my own to read them. I also asked for...

I can understand your anger with your mom. My parents totally supported everything the medics did to me. The intense 'personal care' continued at home too, well into my teens. Enough of that. There's some great advice from your friends here. I feel far from competent to give advice, but...

I've been reading this thread with interest and some anxiety. Like you @Tigergirl1217 I have experienced medical procedures on my genitals, lots of it, too much to describe, two or three surgeries each year, throughout my childhood, starting age 3 and stopping when I was 16. So I can relate to...

I'd be interested in giving it a try..... Thanks

My home is no longer a safe place. It's where some of the worse moments of my life occurred. I often park up at a very remote spot over looking the sea on my way home from work. At this time of year it's always deserted, and pitch black. I lay on the back seat in the blackness and listen to the...

I'm not sure if this is quite the same but my therapist has been talking to me about excessive rumination. I ruminate constantly, often about previous traumas, but also about other things that worry me, which in turn make me feel even more anxious and frequently trigger anxiety attacks. Even...

As my teenage sons would put it.....HAPS!

Welcome @Crunch My experience of getting therapy through my gp surgery has been mixed. I self referred in the end. Is there a nhs funded talking therapies service in Cumbria? Although its under funded and not for long enough I am currently seeing a very good nhs therapist at the moment so...

Hi @Ed Norton In my case I think it might be a combination of quite complex factors, such as spending the first five years in care, then being adopted, and having repeated surgical procedures regularly throughout my childhood (until I was 16). I can't say that one single event caused PTSD...

Thanks @Chava your recollections remind me of one time when I was due to come out of hospital, aged about 10 and was waiting on the ward for my adoptive father to collect me. Perhaps I had misunderstood what time he was coming, or perhaps he was delayed but he arrived several hours later than...

I was given up for adoption at birth, but wasn't actually adopted until age 5. I have no real concrete proof this affected me and if so, how. As a child I was very submissive and compliant, basically desperate to please and desperate to be wanted. I also spent my childhood having regular...

It seems I was luckier than many here. I did have a childhood. I had friends and played like most boys do. I loved being outside and nature the most. I felt I had two lives. The normal boy my friends, and others saw, and the other life I desperately wanted to keep secret because it meant there...

Thanks for the insightful thread @shimmerz I was adopted at age 5. Prior to that I was in care, hospital and fostered. I started having surgery regularly from age 3, until I was 16, several times each year and usually stayed in for two to three week periods. I have very vague memories of...

Thanks for this, I am trying to draw some comfort from it. I've long struggled to truly accept that my childhood experiences could have affected me as much as has been suggested by therapists, because my treatment was more akin to neglect, and for the most part (I hope) not intentionally...

When she enables me to genuinely laugh, often at myself.

You've described exactly how I have felt so many times in the past. The intensity of the emotions often are a bigger struggle to cope with than what is triggering them. I've not found a solution to this, although I have used medication in the past to try and dampen down the feelings. But it...

I also have feelings of being disconnected, it can be frightening. I am sure a therapist will be able to help you. Having a routine can be helpful too, getting up at a reasonable time, going for a walk, a coffee, read the paper etc. each day. It might make you feel better about you and ease your...

I have thought about posting something along similar lines, particularly about being judged by others. I have a partner who I know cares for me very much and children who love there dad. A few years ago, a behavioural trait of mine came to light, that I strongly believe developed in response...

Definitely not weird @Ellabella44 . I was started on a different SSRI which made me feel very ill, not suicidal but still dreadful. I only took it once and went straight back to my doctor and switched to a different medication. All of them had a profound effect on my libido, which took months...