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That is the worst, @LovingH. To be associated with their past trauma, when you have nothing to do with it and were, in fact, safe. You want to shake them and make them see. It can be maddening, because we see that it's illogical. But it feels real to them. Maybe as a sufferer yourself you can...

Way too long ago, @LovingH. My embarrassment for not being over it cannot be overstated. I tell my therapist (who is awesome) this all the time. Her position is that it takes as long as it takes. Recently, she's been supportive of the idea of reaching out to my ex in hopes of resolving these...

Thanks for that insight, @Justmehere. What strikes me about you, @EveHarrington, @LovingH, and all the sufferers who post here is how self-aware you guys are. While I'm sure it's a different story when you're symptomatic, when you're on here at least you're able to objectively say, "this is what...

@Justmehere Can you speak more to this? Because it is the exact thing that has haunted me ever since my ex-gf broke things off. For bg, she had told me ours was the healthiest relationship she's ever had (she had a bad track record of guys treating her like shit, to say the least). I'm sure...

I came here at that exact time. And, well, just look at my username. Mine never did come back. I still find this forum and insight from sufferers to be of comfort when I'm struggling with residual emotions (the suddenness and coldness of the break-up traumatized me in its own way). I do often...

@Freida Thanks for talking about shutting down overwhelming emotions in order to survive. Sometimes I read things like that and I think, "How nice that you don't have to feel the tough emotions like the rest of us." When my ex and I broke up - and perhaps still to this day, I don't know - she...

I know, I just mean sorry to butt in :)

Not my thread, but thanks for that @LuckiLee. There are some great posts in this one. @Blueusmc0103 Maybe this is just the mushy mood I'm in right now, but is it possible to continue loving him while also recognizing your needs are not being met and it's best if you two aren't together right...

@Blueusmc0103 I know what it's like to be searching for answers and trying to make things make sense. If I could make one suggestion that I feel would save you a lot of time -- anytime you have that searching feeling, just re-read @Fadeaway's posts. In particular: It really helps me to think...

Is it possible that this isn't a very good match? You were feeling abandoned and you find him to be incommunicative and stubborn. Your "emotionalness" bothered and stressed him. It's possible to still love and appreciate him without being in a relationship with him. That would leave you open to...

Were you really unhappy in the relationship? Or were you symptomatic at the time and couldn't deal with the stress of a relationship?

Thanks for the thoughtful response, @lostforgottensoul. What's interesting (if that's the right word... enlightening?) is how well you can speak to exactly what's going on with you -- that your definition of love is skewed and that you push people who love you away -- but that knowledge doesn't...

@lostforgottensoul Is there anything we can do to assure you that we accept you for who you are, that we can ride through these storms with you -- that you ARE good enough? Or is the reality that your readiness for a relationship and ability to stop yourself from pushing others away will only...

Keep us posted on your progress with detaching from your anger... I'm nearly a year and a half into the breakup and healing, have moved on with my life, made myself stronger, took hold of my career, etc, but the anger is the one emotion that seems stuck. Therapy, meditation, all those things...

I haven't heard a word from my ex-girlfriend since the last time I saw her one year ago, when she spoke to me as if I was a total stranger and was devoid of any emotion. No apology. No sign of remorse. Nothing. I'm not as bitter as the above makes me sound. A lot of good has come from the...

@Matthew123 I went through something very similar with my ex-girlfriend. Not the triggering part, but her cup overflowed and she basically said the exact same things to me during the breakup. Nothing I say will make this hurt any less or provide any kind of prediction for how your situation will...

Ronin says the interest level wasn't there on her part. That's certainly a possibility, but given how you described her last relationship, it sounds just as likely that she has some real issues with attachment. When you and I think of love and relationships, we think of something that is healthy...

Though it almost sounds like you do. If you can say that it doesn't connect that you should be looking back at what's happened, aren't you in fact connecting? If you can describe your behavior, then you're not ignorant of it, right?

Thank you @Freida Reading your post helps me to take things less personally. It's also kind of frustrating because I see you articulating what you go through so well, I see your self-awareness, and I see you returning to the love and support of your partner. It's easy for me, and others on...

Oh, and one last but important thing: they are doing the best they can. I really believe that.

Confused, thank you for sharing your story and please do keep connecting with everyone on here. It’s really helpful in understanding what your partner is going through. I heard very, very similar things when my partner left. How long has she been gone from your apartment? Has she done this...

Wow. @shimmerz @scout86 @One step at a time I think I speak for all supporters/ex-supporters on here when I say thank you for your posts. Many of us who have been abruptly left by a sufferer struggle to piece together "WTF Happened" and what could be going on in our sufferer's heads. Your posts...

“Alone alone alone” that seems to be the theme here. My ex also emphasized the need to be alone, and used that word over and over. @grimalkin I am so sorry to hear about the end of your marriage. Any word from him? Any remorse? Any glimmers of the old him?

@Hojay you should read the book “The Four Agreements.” Specifically, the second agreement, “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” The author explains that even when an attack on you IS personal in nature, it’s not. The person is dealing with their own perceptions of the world, their own fear, their...

@Snowflakes I agree therapy is a huge benefit. As a matter of fact, something my therapist and I are focusing on right now is how not to take things personally. Turns out, it’s very, very difficult. I’m curious if there is anything you’ve done to make yourself feel so solid that even if she...