Relationship Girlfriend destroys relationship out of the blue

[IggyA]

I started dating an old friend quite by accident. Things were going great and we made some big plans for her and her3 year old son to move to my city (we live in different states) I went to see her for Thanksgiving, everything up until moment was perfect (At least I thought). Once I got there, literarily within 2 days she pushed away so much and broke up with me. Her last relationship was extremely abusive, physically, mentally and sexually. She wasn’t aware of this as she tought that she was ready to be in a relationship. She wasn’t. It was like talking to someone I’ve never met, someone completely different. She cancelled all the plans we made (plane tickets, reservations, moving company, everything).

I don’t want to lose her, I love her so much, but I am at a loss about what to do, especially with the geographical distance between us. How do I approach her without pushing her away even more? How do I prove to her that I am not that guy or that I’m not gonna become that person? Btw, she knows me for over 15 years, she’s been around while I was in other relationships with girls she knew, she knows I was never violent or aggressive, quite the contrary.
Any insight would help.

Thank you

 

[Ronin]

You don't.

Said it yourself - she canceled everything.

It's not that you're not a great guy, it's that you simply aren't compatible because there's not an equal interest & reliability on her side. It's not about you, that relationship simply isn't viable. May have seemed and isn't. That's not your fault, and I'm sorry.

 

[WTF Happened]

Ronin says the interest level wasn't there on her part. That's certainly a possibility, but given how you described her last relationship, it sounds just as likely that she has some real issues with attachment. When you and I think of love and relationships, we think of something that is healthy and supportive. If someone has experienced trauma from a previous relationship, love can actually be a trigger. Especially after the honeymoon phase has worn off and you start to become more vulnerable. Again, for you and I being vulnerable might be a nice feeling that you experience when you trust someone with your whole heart. For a trauma sufferer, it can mean sheer terror and feel literally like life threatening danger.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I recognize aspects of your story in my own, and as you browse around these forums you will see your story in others. There's really nothing you can do but give her space. It's her life, she's going to deal with her feelings and her health however she is going to deal with them. It has nothing to do with you. It's possible that with distance and time and therapy she can become ready for a relationship and give you a call, but it's just as likely she won't. Everyone's story is different and I hope yours has a happy ending. In the meanwhile, try and make your own health and sanity a priority. That will seem impossible at first. It can and will happen in time.