My girlfriend is stress with certain situation and is pushing me away

Jessieeee

New Here
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. 3 weeks ago, she broke up with me for the first time thinking that I didn’t care about our future. We “got back together” a day later after numerous communication that reflected our communication breakdown previously. Now things are slow, nothing beyond hugging and holding hand. Sex definitely is non existent now as she can’t even look at me naked.

Recently, something happened and one of her family members lost her job. Due to my girlfriend being more emotional than anyone else in the family, she is greatly affected even though the situation had been ‘solved’ (they have no financial obligation, retirement age). But because it is taking a huge toll on her, she was ranting to me. I couldn’t understand at all but I don’t think we are meant to understand everything another person is going through down to the core. I was there for her, listening and everything for the past 5 days. Yesterday’s’ morning, she suddenly gone quiet and told me that she don’t want to talk about it much anymore as it is “making her more sad”. She dismissed all my previous messages from the night before by telling me to stop accessing her like a therapist (I wasn’t and was just doing what I’ve been doing). We still talk but I could sense that she is creating a barrier. I get inconsistent goodnights and good mornings, and I only get pet name on a GOOD DAY or GOOD HOUR. This is definitely a sign of her distancing and pushing me away as I’ve known her for over 3 years.

Her affections were on and off after our breakup, but she was mostly still engaging. This issue that happened to her family member has made our rebuilding even more challenging due to her emotional state. I’m still recovering from the breakup as it was blindsided. My subconscious is still preparing for the day where she does it again, even though I hope she doesn’t. I love her so much and it hurts to see her hurting. I was also hurting her before the breakup but due to miscommunication and I hate myself for making her go through all those things.

Should I give her more space and let her reach out to me more enthusiastically instead of me spamming about my day randomly? She still reach out enthusiastically but it’s inconsistent now.
 
Sometimes when people are overwhelmed emotionally, especially those who feel deeply, they instinctively create distance. Not necessarily to push you away forever, but to self-regulate. That silence or reduced affection may not mean she doesn’t care, it may mean she’s flooded and unsure how to keep connecting when she feels fragile.

Giving her a little space might be kind for both of you. Not as a punishment, but as an act of respect and trust.
 
Sometimes when people are overwhelmed emotionally, especially those who feel deeply, they instinctively create distance. Not necessarily to push you away forever, but to self-regulate. That silence or reduced affection may not mean she doesn’t care, it may mean she’s flooded and unsure how to keep connecting when she feels fragile.

Giving her a little space might be kind for both of you. Not as a punishment, but as an act of respect and trust.
Is pushing away the people you love normal though?
 
Yeah… it can be normal, especially for people who are emotionally overwhelmed or haven’t learned how to regulate their stress and pain in healthy ways. It’s not ideal, but it’s more common than you’d think. Some people push away those they love, not because they don’t care, but because they care so much it feels scary, or they don’t know how to let others in while they’re emotionally overloaded. They might not want to feel like a burden. Or they might fear being misunderstood, judged, or even abandoned—so they preemptively create distance as a form of protection.

But just because it’s common doesn’t make it okay if it hurts you over and over. Loving someone doesn’t mean you should be left out in the cold or kept guessing. Relationships need openness and safety on both sides. You’re allowed to gently check in, set your own boundaries, and protect your heart, too. Caring for her is good, but caring for you should not be overlooked.
 
Some people push away those they love, not because they don’t care, but because they care so much it feels scary, or they don’t know how to let others in while they’re emotionally overloaded. They might not want to feel like a burden. Or they might fear being misunderstood, judged, or even abandoned—so they preemptively create distance as a form of protection.
Yep. Whole lotta different reasons people do the exact same things.

Which is why I asked who has PTSD in this relationship. You, or her?
 
I think both of us have it
Actually no, that's not how a proper diagnosis works; Did your girlfriend go through a thorough assessment by a trauma specialised psychiatrist or psychologist? And you?... - Because right now I'm under the impression, that you're self-diagnosing at least yourself (and maybe even her?)

A psychological assessment is key. I mean a one on one assessment, not one of those internet or online quickie-tests... So did one or both of you go through a clinical assessment as mentioned above? As a self "diagnosis" is not helpful for neither of you...
 

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