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I had hallucinations and heard voices as a child...oh and a couple times I could smell things too. usually very horrific stuff that was so real to me, that my big sister said she still gets chills thinking about the look on my face, how scared I was when I tried to explain what I just saw and...

I think the difference, at least in my experience, is that the person we project to the world is a voluntary thing, we show people what we want them to see of ourselves, and indeed, I think that a lot of people do that, almost everyone I would venture to guess. But when in a disassociative...

@nursenurse is right... I have a tendency to get involved with narcissistic / sociopath men. In my last relationship, I said and believed everything you said in your last post there @LadyAnne92 ... I resigned myself to it to accept him for who he is, to not "hold him to any standards" in my...

This is something that I've been thinking about ever since I read this thread, and didn't quite know to to express. But this is very true. The guy who assaulted me when I was 18 told me exactly why he did it. And the things he told me have haunted and affected me for the past 20 years. Not...

I will say though, I agree with those who say if he's not getting treatment, the best thing to do is separate yourself from him and the situation. Soldiers really are trained to kill when stressed, those is combat had that put to the test. Even my training, it's nuts how so many years later...

I don't know... I mean it doesn't affect us all the same way. My group was all Military sexual trauma sufferers, but like some cried when they got stressed, others like me folded up and glazed over, and a couple guys got angry, one even ended up in another group too to address that cause he was...

I'll be honest, I'm having a hard time processing the idea that we can make ourselves less vulnerable to this sort of attack. I go through moments where I wonder what I should have done differently, how I could have avoided it, feeling like I must be doing something that it keeps happening to...

I feel like I just had an "a ha!" moment! Between this and the what @Meadowsweet posted in the what is complex trauma thread, I was so confused. Like the person who says "but...I don't get it" when trying to explain the simplest thing to them, which was kind of frustrating because I usually and...

That is so inspirational! I echo the congratulations!

Oh man, I did find the polar bear youtube vid, but when it came upon the woman and seeing her cry, esp to hear her say "wtf is wrong with me", I just couldn't anymore. I have felt that way, and said the exact same things out loud to myself so many times...it was just too hard to watch. I do...

I am both happy for you and sorry to hear this, if that makes any sense!!! I can relate to always ending up with guys who are "off" in some way, though I tend to lean towards sociopaths / narcissists and generally selfish guys. And I eat that right up because I tend to do everything I can to...

Ooh okay @Meadowsweet , I kind of see where you are coming from now. I think you are further along in your healing than I am so you're able to look at this more objectively, which is why I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around all of it. The only thing I can process at the moment is...

I'm sorry, I confused complex ptsd and complex trauma. I didnt realize they are completely different things. Please disregard everything I said! Edit: of course now I am completely confused...and I guess your original question makes a lot of sense to ask. If its not about cptsd at all, then...

That is exactly what I thought too. There are so many men out there who have been affected the same way women have in child abuse / sexual abuse / domestic abuse but are afraid to speak out because well, for one it carries an extra layer of shame and also the fear no one woudl believe them...

Welcome @HAlex ..! Its great to hear that you were able to progress from impatient care. I can relate to turning to being with different men in an effort to get control back. The horrible feeling afterwards is the worst, but I keep turning to it, as a way to validate myself and also have...

Yeah its like a "cant see the forest through the trees" thing. (Is that the saying?!) I know there's more out there, a better quality of life is possible, and I know that I was not at all happy all this time even before I had my meltdown, I even have a history of self harm. But at least I...

Complex PTSD is not an official diagnosis anyway though. Like in my med records I am listed as having PTSD, but my T had mentioned due to my experiences my PTSD is complex. Also, in the VA system I have MST (military sexual trauma) is listed, others will have Combat PTSD. That's not a medical...

Really good question @Nyssa ... personally, if I could go back to being able to avoid remembering and feeling anything, and pretending I'm doing great I would feel healed. I know doing all that for my whole life it's why I'm so bad off now, but at least I was able to function. These past few...

Indeed, ptsd in and of itself consists of layers of symptoms, and that's not what it's based on. What makes it complex, from my understanding, is prolonged exposure to several traumatic events over an extended period of time, as opposed to one specific traumatic event. That's why childhood...

I feel where you are coming from. While I hate the idea that the things that happened to me so long ago are still affecting me, and at times I refuse to believe they are, it just feels ingrained. Just the fact that I have spent my entire life trying to prove everything I was taught and told was...

Is it possible to catch a cold from a message board?! I too have a cold now. And I've been feeling particularly blah the past couple weeks. Never noticed a correlation between my mood / ptsd flare ups and getting sick, but I'll start paying attention now.

I think. ... well what I'm getting from it is the Childhood forum is specifically for taking about that specific trauma and what happened then and maybe direct links to how it affects us, and the Complex forum is for talking about what were dealing with now, living with the affect of C-PTSD...

Thanks so much for sharing an introduction @Fadeaway I appreciate the posts that Ive read from you on here, glad that you are here and hope that you are able to find the encouragement and support that you need too.

I'm really sorry to hear you have having a tough time of your therapist. Personally, I would seek out another one, because that stuck feeling, that feeling you are not getting any guidance and not progressing is an awful one. And I would think that your T would take note and try a different...

I've been sitting on a freelance project I've been needing to do for 2 weeks now...heck, they sent me the deposit check and it took me a week to get out of the house to cash it...and that only because poor kiddo ate everything we could possibly make a meal out of and I absolutely needed to get...