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Great advice everyone! I know exactly how you feel and have said those same words. "Please let me go back to numb." The challenge of dissociation is that not only do you block out the bad feelings, you unknowingly block out the good ones too. When I started therapy I couldn't feel anything...

Interesting that you would post this. I have been without nightmares for a while now, but they have started again in a different way. I took a nap yesterday and went into a really deep sleep around 4:30 and I woke at 6:00 pm not knowing what day it was, what I was doing, where I was supposed...

What did your therapist say?

This is exactly what I'm dealing with tonight. I have been doing really well since December. I haven't been able to see my T since December due to money issues, but I will see him on Monday. Late this week I started having panic attacks with sobbing. Usually I can put a finger on the trigger...

I have learned the hard way that even though it seems ridiculous and unimportant, nearly everything I struggle with on a daily basis is related, not to my present, but to my past. I try to pare down things and only discuss things that were extreme. Seems that taking meds to sleep for a day and...

I have been in therapy for almost 2 years - a baby by some standards - but I can relate to the feelings you have about your therapist. In my case it was all me. I viewed things through a very negative lens and was always convinced that I wasn't performing up to some invisible standard that he...

Saw my T today. My anxiety continued to build this week and I was feeling very emotionally disconnected. We didn't jump right in to emdr, we talked for a bit about the dream and what I thought it might be connected to. My father passed away in a nursing home in the middle of the night by...

Thank you all for your responses. Always helps me to know I'm not the only one. I have not seen my T since the dream but I will tell him for sure. He loves dreams. :) It was disturbing for me because I was doing really well with the PTSD. No symptoms for about 3 weeks until that dream. My...

I didn't want to highjack an existing thread about this, so I started a new one. I have been in emdr therapy for almost 2 years now and we have reached the phase of installing positive cognitions to replace the negative ones in the trauma memories. My father passed away in 2002 and I miss...

I have an excellent therapist who is very experienced in emdr and has more training than you can imagine. Some days are just like that. I tended to dissociate after my sessions. One time I got lost driving home. Went 20 miles south of where I should be before I realized it. My T did...

I live in a 6 unit apartment building. It is cleverly designed so the only wall I share with my upstairs neighbor is the bathroom. I honestly never hear my neighbors at all. I live upstairs from a 74 year old woman who is the sweetest thing ever. She has cancer but just keeps on going...

I was diagnosed with delayed onset ptsd. Almost 3 years ago now we had to place my mom in a nursing home due to crippling arthritis in her spine and dementia. This event seemed to trigger the ptsd for me. My employers offered that they would pay for me to see a therapist if I needed help...

I think I have used defense mechanisms, primarily humor to avoid negative feelings. Intelectually, I have always known that they are not really negative and positive feelings but still interpret them that way deep down I guess. So I dislike sadness, anger, fear, resentment, guilt, shame in...

Hashi, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I understand what you are saying. It's good to take a break. I haven't done emdr for about a month now and have only talked to my therapist twice. I feel so much stronger. It's a really hard journey and we can only go as fast as our brains and...

What everyone has said is to true. And I am relieved that everyone feels this way. I am on the upswing of a terrible trigger that sent me to despair level. I've been in emdr therapy almost 2 years now. In my last session I went in with some large gold stars and I asked my T to help me write...

I don't think being through the emdr portion of my therapy means I'm done. That's the way my T said it - "the emdr portion". So, I'm assuming there will be some Cognitive stuff to work on. I was afraid to ask what was next. :)

This board is so helpful. I still don't know what to do, but I no longer feel alone and weird. I have a session on Wednesday. Been debating on canceling it, but I really do need to talk this through with him. I don't know why I get so nervous. Zaniara - we sound like therapy twins. This...

When I feel overwhelmed like this my first thought is to walk away completely. Try to take what I've learned, apply it to what I can and stop having to wallow around in the memories, emotions and trauma. I'm clearly overwhelmed right now and need to calm down and stabilize before moving on. I...

It is very hard - thank you for saying that. I am so tired of thinking about all of my emotions and behavior and past trauma. I just want to be "normal" and relax. I feel trapped. I know quitting is not a good idea, but continuing seems overwhelming. I have been at this for a long time but...

Hi. I have been doing emdr now for 19 months. I have had some wonderful successes, but recently have been triggered by some things that have brought up old memories again. I am so tired and depressed tonight. I had a session today and I just felt like I couldn't get what I wanted from my T...

Zariana, I am just now understanding what rewriting history means as well. In one of my last sessions we took a memory where I used to feel stupid, dirty and used, but began to see myself, instead as just not knowing what was going to happen. It was a change in script from self hatred to...

One of the things that happened when I first started making any kind of progress is I would notice a couple of days after a session my negative thinking patterns would kick back in. I asked my T if my brain would try and fight this healing process and he responded with these words: "Yes. Your...

Zaniara, I was severely dissociated from the emotions associated with my trauma. I had locked it very deep inside of me. My therapist described it as putting caution tape around that part of my brain where that memory was stored. It took us a long time to actually get to the locked emotions...

I remember feeling like something was failing with emdr. I used to spend considerable time between sessions worrying about the process itself. My T never seemed ruffled by anything. He would just keep going and insist that this was the work that needed to be done. Sit on his couch...remember...

I also understand about your T saying emdr is fast. I finally told him to stop saying that. It was so discouraging to me. He is looking at it from the point of view that traditional talk therapy can take a life time. emdr can still take years. I had the exact same conversation with my T...