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Very much so. For most of my life. My face, my ears, backside, front side, feet, legs.....pretty much all of it. Hate mirrors. Hate having my photo taken. Hate seeing myself in photos. T asked me the other day if there was anything physical about myself that I liked. I said years...

This may sound silly....but it's helped me on numerous occasions. I literally start naming things to myself from my surroundings. Everything. Even if happens when I'm driving. In a store? I look at a person and start this dialogue with myself. In short, descriptive words. There's a...

I can very much relate. To every part of it including not being able to say the word. And I'm very interested to know what your T tells you as I don't think that I can bring myself to ask the question. Even just responding to this is making my heart race. You're not alone in this and...

Exactly. T would ask me what it was that I was feeling and I'd tell him I didn't know what it was. I didn't know how to explain the feeling that had started bothering new little by little but that it was "icky" and I didn't like it one bit. And your words are dead on accurate for me...

👆👆 For me....In hindsight - going 2 years back - my T knew fairly early on that something had happened in my childhood but I think realized quickly that not only would I not openly discuss it, I had clamped it down , blocked it out and built a VERY solid wall around it for decades. Grateful...

We do the paddles. I hate them. Because they work so well. For me they work at bringing up far more than visual or tapping does and that's exactly why I hate them so much. They do exactly what they're supposed to do and exactly what I try so hard to avoid doing. I'm an utter mess of...

I actually just brought this up with my T recently. We had to do a phone session rather than the usual face to face. I mentioned that the positive for me is that he can't see when I start to fidget. He can't see my facial expressions, which he seems to watch and read constantly. My face...

Nodding vigorously ☹️ For years i just thought I was broken in some way. I would hear other people talk about sex and thought that maybe I just didn't know how to make my own body work like it was supposed in an intimate situation.

Yes, chiropractor was the only thing that ever brought relief, though only for a week or so as you said. I rarely go though I should. I have always had difficulty with someone being that much "in my space" so he spends the whole time telling me to relax and I spend the whole time even more...

Ted Lasso Absolutely outstanding series.

I dont ever feel like i come out of of that state. I sometimes try to force my shoulders to angle down, especially when I'm trying to sleep because it always feels like they are cinched up tight on both sides of my head which I'm guessing accounts for my chronic neck and upper back pain over the...

About a year ago, shortly after I first mentioned to my T "the thing" that happened to me (still calling it "the thing" because I still struggle with the real word), I was in the middle of a breakdown during a session. My recent admission of the thing and what it was had opened up such panic...

This ☝️ While I have yet to really open up and face the memories of what feel is the most painful / terrifying part of my thing, there are other parts around it that WERE big things and are now much, much smaller things that I can see in my head and not go into a total panic about. An odd way...

I do the same.

Absolutely

I would like to say that support for others that I see on this site is incredible. I don't post a lot, but I read a lot of them and it helps to understand that the things I've felt and feel are not just me. That the things I feel, and question, and fight against are normal in context with the...

Thank you so much Paula I will admit that there are things that are better, or at least better than they were. I too am kind of "in the middle" of it I suppose. I've been fighting it quite a bit over the last year or so since the actual "thing" was brought to the surface. I KNOW that I...

I long for that day. When it becomes a memory and not a feeling. 😞

I have this same issue 999. Even though I've been doing EMDR for a little while now, I still really struggle with getting myself not only to relax and let things go in a natural direction. But many times its like I just cant put myself inside the "place" I need to be in order to feel what i...

Prynne, this fits so well for me. Though I never thought about the "story", a (self?) edited version is what it was on the rare occasion that the general subject came up. The much edited version was it. Just that, nothing more. My mind had nothing else in it but that short, emotionless...

Me too Arfie. Me too. Thank you for that.

I'm truly hoping so Arfie. My T's comments were something along the lines of " The mental energy you use to maintain the locking mechanism on your vault with reduce to normal RPMs instead of constantly being in the red" for whatever reason.... That really connected with me... Which is a good...

Yes, this us exactly what I meant. Thank you so much for responding with this. I sometimes think it would be easier to believe my fractured memories is they had ALL been gone. But because there something there ....even if it was a much much more "acceptable/comfortable" version....I...

I'm really only just starting to get to the point where I'm dealing with unwanted memories and getting a better understanding of my trauma. I suppose it's a good indicator of how early on i actually am in the healing process when I realize I typed the "tr" part of that word up there and my...

Reading that made my heart start to race a little bit Me too. Me too. That's exactly what happens to me. Snippets. Flashes. Feelings. But because there isn't that complete progression of events , I then have a constant internal battle wondering if what I'm remembering is real....or if...