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It seems that I move forward and am good, a lot of times, in the day to day, but occasionally the dreams start again. I had another last night. The theme is similar. My grandmother allows the man who sexually abused me to move back into her home and he's there for the family gathering when I go...

The title alone was clunky to write and likely does not seem clear. I've experienced this before and didn't see it coming again. Last night I became overwhelmed with a feeling that I was going to black out and die by suicide. It is not something I really want to do, but a panic started wherein I...

Thank you all for the support. I voiced my concerns to him and had to push through the feeling of guilt. I have established that I appreciate thoughtfulness, but he knows that is something I am not comfortable. What I was struggling with the most was the guilt of not liking a gift, setting my...

Tight Clothing, or clothes that accentuate my figure stress me out so bad. I have the revealing feeling and the constriction. Body image issues abound, but my deep seated loathing for these things seems intensified by my history, having been sexually assaulted several times. I feel like power is...

You were fine! Thank you! It was helpful. I just didn't want you to think I was suggesting that PTSD had resulted from that. I appreciate your compassionate responses. I've been disregulated.

I already have a PTSD diagnosis. Panic attacks and the like aren't new. I'm just feeling fiercely alone and stuck at the moment. Thank you for your kind and helpful words. Felt safety is critical at this juncture. I'm working toward it. (hugs)

It has been a while since I have experienced a nocturnal panic attack, however, in light of learning that my husband has been having an emotional affair with a married woman at work and going as far as to ask if she wanted to be with him, I have awoken several times in the past two weeks, unable...

@meander I wish that there was an answer... I usually try to emotionally numb, if possible, and hope that it eventually passes. I have only been able to wait it out. I have found that crossing my arms around my body and leaning into the corner of two walls (with no one watching of course) can...

I have done butterfly hugs and self-soothing, talking to the child to acknowledge her presence, a safe place where she is and I can check in on her and love on her. What my struggle is is that when a person, a female, demonstrates an act of compassion that seems nurturing, it is an immediate...

Thank you @grit . I ended up taking an anxiety pill and that reduced some of the panic and feeling of unreal. I have things to work through.

I am. It's is like I go into therapy and am fine, but if I'm triggered it's full-blown, loss-my-business, chaos. If I can sleep to avoid, I will, but with my responsibilities at the moment, I don't have the time. Feeling disconnected and angry.

I don't know if this will make any sense, but I am so over this 9 yo little girl coming up every time someone shows nurturing contact. I feel pain and terror as I am overcome by the feeling that something terrible will happen. I will not be able to keep it in check and may smother someone who...

@Abstract I think that you're correct. What threw me off is that I am accustomed to dissociation that is derealization, but it normally bothers me. However, this was pleasant and my anxiety seemed to dissipate.

@Abstract during EMDR it feels like I'm floating in water when that happens and I lose train of thought

Anyone ever enter a trance-like state while doing EMDR? It can be pleasant when I experience it. I was wondering if people can relate or know what it is.

@Lalaluna you've got nothing to be ashamed of. That man's act does not identify you. He is at fault. Therapy would be good to help you address the negative cognitions youryo wrestling with

@Rumors that is encouraging, and kinda funny. Thanks for sharing

If you said no, but continued to be pressured, then yes it was. It doesn't matter that you went with him in his truck or anything like that. He still chose his actions, not you. He is responsible for them. That can be a confusing place to be in. I'm sorry that happened.

Yes @Rumors. I'm in therapy. That's a good point. Behaviors are sort of new, and I don't see T every week.

He's only 2. I'm my head I'm screaming, "oh no! Don't do that with THAT!" Geez. I drove my husband nuts the first time I noticed something. I don't want to freak the kid out, but wow. I've not said anything to my boy, thankfully. I don't want to make a tremendous deal out of it and only make it...

Raising my son with my own history of sexual abuse can be terrifying. It's difficult to distinguish normal sexual development from evidence of premature exposure to sexualized content/behaviours. It's hard not to fear the worst. This is dreadful.

I finally told my midwife about my history of sexual abuse and how it impacts the way I cope with paps and regular procedures. My fear of everything wrong being an sti bc I have an sti from the abuse. Petrifying, but freeing. On my way :) progress

@EveHarrington Thankfully, I have a good T. I talked with her about how I have been feeling. I really need to get over this abandonment/rejection junk. Next week, we'll begin doing EMDR with a focus on meeting and feeling the inner child. I think that will be interesting. EMDR had helped with...

I hate days like this. I might have a spell of a good week or so and then I wake up teary, aware of intense feelings of loneliness and fear, and depressed. Functioning is nearly impossible as I'm quickly propelled into a dissociative stare wherein I feel like I'm floating and behaviours...

Thank you everyone for being present with me last night. It means a lot. As usual, I woke up with a clearer head and felt kinda ridiculous for having gone so far. I'm sluggish, but I'm doing some grounding so I don't get Spacey and have an "off" day. @EveHarrington I have coping skills. When...