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Really? Wow okay this is good information. Definitely dont want to do anything to make the dreams worse or any more intense than what they already are. Yeah my doctor is pretty useless when it comes to anything psych related as well. He barely wanted to give me anything to treat a contusion I...

I thought I replied to this. Circus dreams huh? Interesting. My younger sister was on it for a brief period of time and she said it caused her to have scary lucid dreams and nightmares O_O really hoping I skip the dreams altogether I have enough nightmares on my own. Thanks for your input I'll...

Thanks for the tips. Glad to hear from someone who has taken it long term. I think I might try the magnesium too, for the muscle relaxing effect. Just want to rest and not feel like a zombie. Its much appreciated, thanks

Really needing to get some sleep, I'm exhausted. Going to try melatonin but has anyone experienced any negative side effects from taking it? I dont plan to use it as a long term solution but I need some relief.

Two steps forward and three steps back is the perfect way to describe it. That tug of war feelings. I truly needed to hear that. Just reading through the responses feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So I'm going to try and try and try to relax and give myself a break even if...

I think its a complex issue and varies from person to person and case by case. Like others have already mentioned. I did not grow up with a father so it was my mother that dealt out the unthinkable abuse and neglect. There have been many times where ive tried to cut ties and escape, only having...

It's comforting that you can relate to this feeling. I think you're exactly right about being tired of the effort and constant fluctuation of emotions. Its tiring. It really helped to hear your words maybe I do just need to slow it down and cut myself some slack. I guess I was just afraid of...

Feeling like I'm in limbo right now. Just floating in nothingness. Not really sure I'm making progress. Not moving forward but maybe backwards. Seems like my normal range of emotions are gone for the time being. Can feel my willingness to participate in life, and in therapy/recovery slipping...

Nutshell by Alice in Chains. Especially this verse "My gift of self is raped My privacy is raked And yet I find Yet I find Repeating in my head If I can't be my own I'd feel better dead"

Yeah happens to me often as well. The ideation is daily and persists through even the good days and every once in a while it does get scary. Especially when I see a box cutter. I stare at it contemplating the outcomes of using it until something or someone snaps me out of it. But real proud of...

I couldn't have explained the feeling better myself than that

Just now seeing your response ive been so out of it lately. I appreciate your meaningful feedback and will take your advice to use the self soothing and coping skills I have learned to help me through this. Its comforting to even know that you understand what I am going through and have reached...

Hell no...never...still extremely terrified to even think of doing so..

Yeah I can relate to the depressing and apathetic type of tiredness. Sluggish. Unmotivated. Cant get up to do anything. When I'm tired like this sometimes i dissociate more frequently or start feeling like I'm not a real person, if that makes sense, and anxiety reaches an all time high. My only...

I'll pat you on the back with one hand and keep cheering you on with the other one :) Thank you so much for that..i really needed to hear it.

I'm not sure how things will turn out for me and my mom, but I'm really glad that you have peace in your life now and are at the point where you feel compassion for her. That takes a long. I'm just now trying to get over resenting her after this time. Its hard work and I applaud you

Thank you for sharing this, I dont feel alone in my thinking anymore. I'm sorry that you (and your brother) suffered from abuse growing up. Sometimes I am afraid to delve deeper into the abuse that my siblings went through because I feel that it may trigger me. But now I am more sympathetic and...

I'm in my 20's, and I'll PM you my gender as I've had gender identity issues for a few years and would rather keep that private. Wow MC.. That's really deep. And you never felt guilty about that? I want to be able to breathe like that and have that kind of peace wash over my life. I feel like...

Yeah @Friday is absolutely right. College is nothing like high school. You can make your class schedule and experience as comfortable for you as you need too! And there should be plenty of places on campus such as the library, maybe the computer labs, and other areas where you can go to have...

Yeah I think youre absolutely right. I'm hoping that I can set the boundaries without her pushing back too much because I just don't want to deal with the drama. But my mental health is important and thats whats gotta come first. In your last statement you say things that I've always been...

Yeah it really was. Hate feeling like I can't escape a person.

Thanks everyone for your input. I actually went to sleep last night and had a nightmare about the event and my mom. Thats how much it unnerved me. She's not in my life like that, especially since I do not stay in her household anymore. It may have been that she was "checking up" on me like...

Was at work today and I get a text from my mom(the perpetrator of my abuse for context) saying "I'm out side why isn't your bike on it's kickstand etc.." And like..she didn't come in the store or explain why she was out there. It was just out of the blue and it set me off and destroyed my...

Thank you so much. Sending best wishes back to you. Thank you for your kind words

Thank you so much I'm really hoping so too. I wish you the best on your journey as well :)