Stalkerish Behavior??

[moshpitmunkey]

Was at work today and I get a text from my mom(the perpetrator of my abuse for context) saying "I'm out side why isn't your bike on it's kickstand etc.." And like..she didn't come in the store or explain why she was out there. It was just out of the blue and it set me off and destroyed my momentum for the day due to anxiety and stress and confusion. What's going on?? Was I being stalked or checked up on? :'( am I over reacting?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

am I over reacting?

No! That would send me and I think anyone spinning! Thats crazy! Im sorry that happened! :hug:

Is she in your life like that? Maybe a boundry needs to be drawn here? Just something to think about. Still sorry it happened! :hug:

 

[Sideways]

It depends on context I think. My sister lives a couple of blocks away and has had her bike messed with in the past. If I walked past her bike and saw anything out of order at all, I would both notice immediately, and be straight onto the phone to her about it.

And if she were at work when this happened, I wouldn't go inside.

And that would be concern for her bike balanced against concern about her personal space and our difficult relationship.

So context is important.

 

[Nessa7]

Without knowing more, I'm not sure if I would call it stalkerish, a violated boundary, insensitive, or controlling behavior, but I would definitely say that it is something that you shouldn't feel bad about addressing or being concerned.

 

[Stickler]

Not overreacting.

If you want to have limited contact with her-say, messaging only by email, that would be good. Give her an email just for her and block her number?

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Thanks everyone for your input. I actually went to sleep last night and had a nightmare about the event and my mom. Thats how much it unnerved me. She's not in my life like that, especially since I do not stay in her household anymore. It may have been that she was "checking up" on me like @Ragdoll Circus has suggested but it was just so out of the ordinary, that's something out of her character wheel. So I don't really know what to make of her actions , I just know that I was deeply bothered and confused and it felt wrong. It felt really wrong.

I might have to do that @Stickler because I don't like pop-ups and she has had a habit of just showing up to my house unannounced (but not checking up on me) until I recently set a boundary, and I just hope she's not doing that with my new job. So I think I'm just gonna limit contact with her and just have the email. Thank you for your input

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's understandable that this would upset you. It just seems weird to me. :hug:

 

[moshpitmunkey]

I think it's understandable that this would upset you. It just seems weird to me. :hug:

Yeah it really was. Hate feeling like I can't escape a person.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Time for you to up the ante by setting boundaries and limits on her. It sounds like you have a great plan to set in motion. It is a weird thing to do to you and I am sorry it caused you distress. It would have bothered me as well. You are an adult and do not need to have your mom doing things like this. Since it is a first occurance, it seems like it would be fairly easy to disconnect from her in a way that helps you to manage an ongoing relationship with your mom.

Just my opinion, and my own personal experience, my abuse from my father lasted until I moved out and then the dynamics changed. He had lost his power and control over me. But that did not stop him from going to my sibs to get information about me. He is dead so my problem with him is gone now. Just feel so much relief.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Time for you to up the ante by setting boundaries and limits on her. It sounds like you have a great plan...

Yeah I think youre absolutely right. I'm hoping that I can set the boundaries without her pushing back too much because I just don't want to deal with the drama. But my mental health is important and thats whats gotta come first.

In your last statement you say things that I've always been afraid to actually admit or feel. Since ive moved out it almost seems as if the dynamics have changed and she is looking for ways to hold on. I hold a lot of guilt for feeling like there would be peace in my life when she passes. Thanks for your input

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Oh dear, mosh! I'm getting a clearer idea of your situation. I would find this behavior creepy, to say the very least.

I don't want to overstep, but I'm having trouble seeing the whole picture. Are you comfortable sharing your age and gender? That might help us to understand the dynamic a bit better.

Mosh, people are probably sick of reading this, but the day my mother died was the first time in my life I could breathe. Strong deep breaths that always caught in my throat before. And I could put many of my demons to rest. It was a day of peace.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Oh dear, mosh! I'm getting a clearer idea of your situation. I would find this behavior creepy, to...

I'm in my 20's, and I'll PM you my gender as I've had gender identity issues for a few years and would rather keep that private.

Wow MC.. That's really deep. And you never felt guilty about that? I want to be able to breathe like that and have that kind of peace wash over my life. I feel like I'm forever waiting for that day to come while she's alive but maybe that isn't realistic. Not sure what to think or how to feel. Thank you for sharing