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I think that right now my husband is too upset and frustrated and his needs come first I don't think he'd be 'happy' to deal with things while I calm myself down... I think he'd be a lot happier if I calmed myself down and got my ducks in a row 'right now'

I really appreciate you all taking the time to answer me and help me figure this out.

As much as I want this all to be over I know I can't be that selfish I know I chose and fought to be a parent and I can't screw up my son's life even more than it already is by having me as a parent so no I'm not contemplating suicide just scratching it's soothing and the only way that'd working...

I appreciate your answer and thank you that makes me feel better

I've never let myself be hospitalized Im afraid that with my triggers past and fears in general a hospital setting will be more traumatizing than helpful. .. If asking the question if that's where I belong is confirmation of the fact that I should check myself in than im really in trouble...

I logically know that I am self sabotaging not keeping things in the right perspectives and am letting my triggers get the best of me. The logical side of me knows that I am wrong for feeling so despondent and desperate but I am not my logical side I can't convince myself to see the logic that...

I truly don't understand the censure from strangers I have lots of scars.. Pretty much everywhere.. Unless I wear a burka you're gonna see evidence of my stupidty.. I hate the 'looks' I get... I do my best to stick to areas where I am known and accepted which thankfully in my remote rural...

Yeah... I have a son.. And i have a hard time explaining my scars.. It was easier when he was younger

:(

I've got fibro and arthritis I'm in tons of pain the only thing that really helps is to take control of the pain but at least the ice numbs it and hurts in a different way... I have a husband and a 4 year old son... I can't expect my son to understand but I wish my hubby would give me some...

Thanks for the reminder that it's an addiction just like alcohol or drugs...

Yeah I'm using ice now

It's been 6 months since I last drew blood I worked really hard to keep my skin intact but I'm in so much pain and it's anniversary time I'm done. I just want a little bit of relief

But I'm not hurting anyone and it's the least harmful 'habit' I probably have.. I'm not killing myself... I sort of get the food thing I have an eating disorder food is something I constantly struggle with but scratching even helps me eat.. .. It doesn't make sense not to see the benefits of it

Thank you so much for agreeing with me!! It's a control thing! It's a coping mechanism and it works well!!! I'm tired of fighting myself

Why do people get so bent out of shape by a little cutting or scratching? If it helps me stay grounded, distracts from the flashbacks and help a me control the pain and it doesn't hurt anyone else why can't I?!?!? I can't fight everything all of the time i can't take it anymore

I couldn't agree with you more! I hate both words with a passion

Yeah I journal a lot I love the idea of doing a yoga move in the morning .... I'm not good at meditating but I can see how a yoga move like the child pose or even a few sit ups or push ups can get things started in the 'right way' . I'm gonna go back outside and try to find the quiet.. maybe...

Thank you for the understanding and kind words.. I live in Colorado where mmj is legal.. I'm sitting outside now taking my 'meds' the munchkin is in bed hubby is watching TV.. I live in the mountains it's rural and quiet.. I try to use the quiet nights to recharge but I guess the lack of...

I would do anything to give up for the past week I haven't been able to get out of the past I've been stuck remembering reliving like in a loop over and over the yelling the pain over and over and it's taking over everything.. I hear them over the sounds of the present I see them in the shadows...

Is there something that changed? That made therapy suddenly work and 'stick'? What am I doing wrong? Stuff, that's out of my control keeps happening that pulls me off track.. I would love to give up

Therapy for life :( yeah that sounds about right .. 5+ years and counting... Still going every week.. And my therapist has mentioned additional support groups and more meds... Yay

I have an amazing therapist... But I've had a couple of bad dissociative weeks and she's already worried about me and I can't drop another load of crazy on her.. As is she's asking me not to drive tomorrow..

It's not getting better I doubt it ever will I'm tired of hoping and working towards a better tomorrow that will never come... I'd do anything to have it all be over the idea and fantasy of it all being over is overwhelming... However I'm not in any danger of doing anything to hurt myself or...

There are sooo many people here and I'm sure everyone here is wonderful... I'm just so scared and I just want all this to go away I was this all to be over... I'm so tired of trying and failing.. I'm so tired in general