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I haven’t found counseling yet but insurance kicks in first of next month. So it should be easier then. I have my first court appearance tomorrow morning. I’ll be a third of the way through this after that. Im nervous but, as dumb as this may sound, I’m not nervous for me, but for her. She...

I’ve been away for a while. Today is apparently my 1 yr anni with MyPTSD forums. Yay!! A lot has happened in the last year. I lost my job due to PTSD triggers and my boss throwing me under the bus. Got another job and lost that one in Feb after I told my superiors I have PTSD and asked for...

When you check out at work b/c your boss triggers you with images of your childhood abuser.

Benedict

@Gadgie interesting you split up at the 23 year mark.

She finally told me that the meeting was an initial consult to get information and no action is going to be take in the immediate future. At least not before my sons graduation party. Deep breath. In the process of arguing about not paying her car payment she revealed she has had access to the...

I'm definitely hurting and having trouble dealing with this change, and yes I'm angry but I think "contempt" is a strong word. Boundaries, individuality, and basic personhood have all been foreign concepts in our marriage. We've developed unhealthy codependency on one another. My challenge is...

Exactly. And it's more destructive when the "god" they are referencing is purportedly the God and yet you know damn well this isn't what the God would have you doing. Using the Bible as a weapon, taking scripture out of context, looking down at you as if they have it all together. It's the most...

The first thought that came to mind is "I have to text…oh" But I am truly grateful for the support here.

@Lady Moonlight Thanks for your encouragement. I totally agree with everything you said. She refuses to research PTSD b/c she says it's in my head and if I had more faith… Kinda funny since she has fibromyalgia. A highly stigmatized disease that I've done everything I could to help her with...

The last place I was at my boss reminded me of one of my abusers; my step-dad. He was also ex military and ran the shop with that militant mindset. It may be why I'm having so many issues with my wife now that I think about it. She gets militantly religious and there is just no room for error...

OMG I have to tell someone! My boss has positioned me for a promotion to Sr. Consultant and is pitching me to lead a team for a project for a major media outlet!!!! Work triggers are my #1 Achilles heal with this PTSD. This a major step forward for me!

@ladee - thanks for the encouragement. @Parley - great handle first of all! I'm curious of two things. One have you read my back story? And two what do you mean by Maybe...my wife has her own issues and ... ready to talk? Sorry I can't quote on my iPhone for some reason.

It's funny you should mention toxic b/c that's one of the things she's telling people about me. Friends of mine who are coming back to me and saying "hey, what's up with this? I know that's not your character.". Friends that know her as well and have told me they've seen this coming for a while...

My wife sent me an email yesterday. I asked her after she came back from house sitting at her friends if she was ready to end this limbo. I told her I was looking forward to some concrete answers. She replied in text that she's sorry but I wasn't going to get concrete answers at this time. Games...

@Fadeaway Okay I see what you mean. And I see the wisdom there I just don't know where the money will come from. She hasn't served me yet I think b/c she doesn't have the money. Neither do I. But I can and have been documenting everything. Like she has I'm sure.

Thanks for your suggestions and support. I've upped my sessions to twice a week and insurance has agreed to cover it so that's good. I know you're all trying to help and getting a lawyer will be something I do but only if/when it comes to it. Meaning I get served. What's the trophy for me...

Still no plans from her on her intentions. She is housesitting this week for a friend and said she expected to have answers by the end of the week. Wether or not I will be privy to those answers remains a mystery. We had a really good, for us, text conversation today. I was excited at the...

I need an old priest and a young priest.

…with anxiety and paranoia. Yep. This is what she sent me in a text when I told her I'm stressed out b/c I'm expecting to be served papers any day.

@joeylittle - I stay because of guilt, obligation, and fear all dressed up to look like commitment and honor to my wedding vows. I'm afraid of regret. If I'm honest with myself I'm afraid she could be happier with someone else. That is gutcheck honesty. It means I failed as a husband. But since...

@abigail7 - I know there is always work we can all do to show more appreciation to our loved ones. If you would read my back story you may get a sense of what I have done to save this marriage for my part. Saying 70% of what I earned is trying to come to grips with the reality that's coming...

@FireSign8 while I do appreciate the brutal honesty of your reply and the nature of what I may be facing, with respect, we didn't merely hook up. We were virgins when we married at 18 and have 4 children and 23 years together. It isn't something I'm willing to just throw away w/o making sure...

Her meeting wasn't a surprise attack. I mean whatever is coming next b/c of the meeting. She's enjoying the control right now of making this hard on me. I've asked what the meeting was about and she refuses to say. Keeps playing games like saying "you're assuming" but then won't say. My therapy...

My heart's been racing for 12 hours or more now. She met with an attorney today. Don't know what was discussed and it's killing me. She won't tell me what they talked about. She's so angry and bitter. She'd rather go back and rehash old shit rather than deal with the present. Hell hath no fury...