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Overcoming triggers at work!
- Post starter mbrady
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Lady Moonlight
Silver Member
Wow congratulations!!!!! You should be really proud of yourself!!
Being triggered at work is SOOOOO difficult. I usually have to excuse myself if it happens. I go in the bathroom or out for a smoke. Anywhere where I can have a few minutes to try to breathe through it and recognize that the feelings and fears don't belong in that time and place. Doesn't always work, but at least I am someplace private if I'm shaking, sweating, crying.
It happened yesterday. A coworker talked and I basically shut down and went into autopilot, giving half-interested comments to his story while pleading internally for him to go away.
I've read some of your posts, but not so much about your triggers/reactions. Which are the ones you struggle most with?
Being triggered at work is SOOOOO difficult. I usually have to excuse myself if it happens. I go in the bathroom or out for a smoke. Anywhere where I can have a few minutes to try to breathe through it and recognize that the feelings and fears don't belong in that time and place. Doesn't always work, but at least I am someplace private if I'm shaking, sweating, crying.
It happened yesterday. A coworker talked and I basically shut down and went into autopilot, giving half-interested comments to his story while pleading internally for him to go away.
I've read some of your posts, but not so much about your triggers/reactions. Which are the ones you struggle most with?
- Post starter
- #3
The last place I was at my boss reminded me of one of my abusers; my step-dad. He was also ex military and ran the shop with that militant mindset. It may be why I'm having so many issues with my wife now that I think about it. She gets militantly religious and there is just no room for error, mistakes or humanness in general.
Also some co-workers started talking about me to the boss and he just took their side w/o talking to me. It makes it amplified when all those things are in play. I check out and can't focus on my work or I'm half assing it. And it makes me feel dishonest. So then I beat myself up over it. Which depresses me even more.
My boss at this new gig, been here for 4 months now is nothing like that AT ALL! She's supportive and encouraging and is constantly telling me and my co worker how we rock!
Also some co-workers started talking about me to the boss and he just took their side w/o talking to me. It makes it amplified when all those things are in play. I check out and can't focus on my work or I'm half assing it. And it makes me feel dishonest. So then I beat myself up over it. Which depresses me even more.
My boss at this new gig, been here for 4 months now is nothing like that AT ALL! She's supportive and encouraging and is constantly telling me and my co worker how we rock!
Lady Moonlight
Silver Member
Well, first of all, I totally respect your boss! The best way to work with employees is through positive reinforcement! (more bosses should take note of this).
Secondly, I have read some of your posts about your wife and though I haven't responded, I have felt very badly. Being a believer is about understanding our own humanity and our need for God and faith. It is not about raising the bar for everyone around us and beating them with scripture because they aren't perfect like God. In fact, that is really the opposite of what a true Christian should be IMO. I can see exactly how that type of attitude would trigger you. And honestly, I think it would greatly disturb a person who wasn't going through these types of struggles as well. I can only guess at how much it hurts for you.
I really hope that your new job and your promotion will give you a safe place to be every day to keep you from losing hope. Your boss sounds like a wonderful person and so do you! If you're already being promoted, that means you are doing the right things at work and that you are a valuable asset!!
Secondly, I have read some of your posts about your wife and though I haven't responded, I have felt very badly. Being a believer is about understanding our own humanity and our need for God and faith. It is not about raising the bar for everyone around us and beating them with scripture because they aren't perfect like God. In fact, that is really the opposite of what a true Christian should be IMO. I can see exactly how that type of attitude would trigger you. And honestly, I think it would greatly disturb a person who wasn't going through these types of struggles as well. I can only guess at how much it hurts for you.
I really hope that your new job and your promotion will give you a safe place to be every day to keep you from losing hope. Your boss sounds like a wonderful person and so do you! If you're already being promoted, that means you are doing the right things at work and that you are a valuable asset!!
- Post starter
- #5
@Lady Moonlight Thanks for your encouragement.
I totally agree with everything you said. She refuses to research PTSD b/c she says it's in my head and if I had more faith…
Kinda funny since she has fibromyalgia. A highly stigmatized disease that I've done everything I could to help her with. Including being her caregiver for a year when she was first diagnosed. If it wasn't church related or MLM related she didn't want to have anything to do with it. And so exhausted days starting falling on all days except when those activities were happening. I got put in the neighbors basement kitchen stove, forget the back burner of her heart. I get wanting to go to things that encourage you, but when you come back from things and Bible beat the people around you and then the next day are exhausted I have a challenge with that.
I totally agree with everything you said. She refuses to research PTSD b/c she says it's in my head and if I had more faith…
Kinda funny since she has fibromyalgia. A highly stigmatized disease that I've done everything I could to help her with. Including being her caregiver for a year when she was first diagnosed. If it wasn't church related or MLM related she didn't want to have anything to do with it. And so exhausted days starting falling on all days except when those activities were happening. I got put in the neighbors basement kitchen stove, forget the back burner of her heart. I get wanting to go to things that encourage you, but when you come back from things and Bible beat the people around you and then the next day are exhausted I have a challenge with that.
ladee
VIP Member
Congratulations @mbrady, this is total validation that you are on the right track.... and the more exposure you have, the better you will be.... sorry a forum full of strangers are your cheering squad, instead of at home, but hopefully the boys will be proud of dad... we are !!!
Having a good boss makes all the difference in the world.... we will knock our self out trying to do for a good boss, and the fact she uses a lot of praise !! You have won the 'job lottery'.... lol... good for you!!
Having a good boss makes all the difference in the world.... we will knock our self out trying to do for a good boss, and the fact she uses a lot of praise !! You have won the 'job lottery'.... lol... good for you!!
- Post starter
- #7
The first thought that came to mind is "I have to text…oh" But I am truly grateful for the support here.
Lady Moonlight
Silver Member
@mbrady we are glad to have you here. I understand a small bit about what you mean. My husband (DH) always seems to have some excuse for getting out of things. He drank heavily the day before we moved and was "too hungover" for HOURS when we were supposed to be getting things done. His friends came and helped, thank goodness. And then Easter Sunday, he drank heavily the night before and "couldn't go to church". Now he fessed up and says he won't go at all. And this Sunday is Mother's Day and guess what? He will be out drinking heavily the night before and probably be in bed all day rather than spend time with me and my boys.
But if he wants to go do something? Makes sure he's in tip top shape. Doesn't drink much or if he does, still gets up and faces the hangover like he doesn't have one. I've seen it. And heard about it.
Different "god" same idea. Only when it's convenient.
I'm really sorry you're on the back burner of the stove down the street. How can a person make a relationship like that work? It's impossible. And horribly lonely. This is a time to celebrate and be proud. So I'm sending you "I'm proud of you" hugs.
You are working through this. And you are succeeding. And you are becoming a better person. And that's is what is most important right now. You can't work through a broken relationship if you are also broken.
But if he wants to go do something? Makes sure he's in tip top shape. Doesn't drink much or if he does, still gets up and faces the hangover like he doesn't have one. I've seen it. And heard about it.
Different "god" same idea. Only when it's convenient.
I'm really sorry you're on the back burner of the stove down the street. How can a person make a relationship like that work? It's impossible. And horribly lonely. This is a time to celebrate and be proud. So I'm sending you "I'm proud of you" hugs.
You are working through this. And you are succeeding. And you are becoming a better person. And that's is what is most important right now. You can't work through a broken relationship if you are also broken.
- Post starter
- #9
Exactly. And it's more destructive when the "god" they are referencing is purportedly the God and yet you know damn well this isn't what the God would have you doing. Using the Bible as a weapon, taking scripture out of context, looking down at you as if they have it all together. It's the most insidious form of abuse b/c they totally believe they are justified and righteous in doing it. It's like Westbrook in my own home. And she has no clue how badly she's wounding me. Smh. I need a vacation! Lol
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