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@Junebug we all have secrets that we don't show the world. Mine is a virus that also carries a stigma to those that don't have it and don't know what it really is. Isn't even one that can kill you, just one that 'society' has determined that one is 'dirty' for having and like all virii it is...

You seem to have a very good grasp of the point. I have offered the option for me to move there when I am eligible to retire but that's 2 years away and it's virtually impossible before then. The financial aspect of the relationship would change but at nearly zero risk to her, only takes a...

I agree with you almost 10000%.... but what you see as an active decision I'm not sure I can agree with. I don't know all of you that suffer but I see fear in all that I've come to know anything about, fear is an automatic reaction that we *all* recoil from at first exposure - sufferer or not...

I believe Mothering Sunday is the older term and carries a more religious connotation. At least that's how it was explained to me originally.

I hope the happy patches help. For both your sakes. :)

I hope tomorrow brings joy to all those who are mothers and live in the UK and elsewhere that celebrates. I'm a bit early but I hope the sentiment will convey.

I wish you well in your quest. There are people in the world that are trustworthy and there are those that aren't, the key is to be able to tell the difference for any of us sufferer or supporter. There is another book you may wish to look into "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan...

Unless I'm totally missing what PTSD is about it's not the sufferers fault. Ever. I admit that I'm frustrated she won't try to seek treatment but the fear that keeps her from it is not if her own making.

I could never despise you for behavior that is not your fault....

I never thought of it in that context @Junebug but you're right, betrayal of any sort no matter how small by someone trusted could well be a trigger. I'm not sure how you'd even go about processing something like that.

Thank you. That is where things stand and all of you and all your opinions have helped me to be better prepared should she make the decision to take any risk with me again. I also hope that anyone coming across this thread will be helped too as trust is a very basic part of any human...

You have helped me to understand this and I believe the fear of her memories, and the inability to predict what a change such as we planned would become, is exactly what stands between us. That understanding of what she cannot bear to tell me has helped me to heal. Sometimes dreams don't come...

She has made the choice, and is unwilling to do the work to try. I can only hope that she changes her mind as some of you have. Your responses tell me it can be done, and at the same time will make me a better supporter should I ever need to be. I thank all of you for that. In the meantime I...

Yes it does. You always do. ;)

@Junebug I'm pretty sure her response is polarizing in response to a trigger. I have never denied that, what I wish to understand is how she or any other sufferer can 'predict' how someone will act the same in future based on a single or small series of acts in the face of much evidence to the...

If polarized thinking is part of your PTSD you'll switch the good ones to bad ones very quickly too. Sometimes they may not deserve it..... Sometimes they will.

@Jane.l What I want to hear is your honest opinion... I'm old enough to know I have preconceived notions and also to know that I don't assume to know what's in another's mind. I do have a motive for asking the question if that's what you mean but it's to help me educate myself about PTSD and to...

I'm a supporter and I think I know the answer to this one even though it isn't an absolute but I'd like to hear your perspectives... When someone you love has triggered you in such a manner that you feel like you've been "hurt more than I've ever imagined" have you ever regained/rebuilt that...

My ex has been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome. I have read at least one thing that suggests the bowel problems are related to the hormones produced during fight or flight reactions. I've observed that her IBS got worse when under stress or some duress that I now think was PTSD related...

Any trauma is legit... jus' sayin'.

As a supporter who didn't know 'all the details' and lost my love because of my ignorance I would encourage you to be as honest as you can as soon as you can. I know there is a risk of you being hurt by doing so but there is a good chance not doing so will result in a larger hurt later on. If...

I think you're doing admirably. You've told both us and her how you feel. That alone is an step away from the fear that silence creates.

You forget the tiny steps because you're human. My father had a platitude, cliche whatever for times when a problem seemed overwhelming - you have to eat an apple one bite at a time. I seem to recall that every time I'm faced with a situation that seems bigger than I can handle. There are other...

Hello from Florida Holly. I hope you will find the forum helpful.

This is true in any relationship be it personal or professional. I hope you can find your way to trust her enough to tell her what you feel.