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Yes, I see myself as a dog cowering. As we learnd early not to voice ourselves as children I learned to react with my eyes. My father always took this as a form of rebellion. Rebellion=punishment.How do you over come the guilt?

Pies came out great. Postponing the party. Ice and snow today don't want to take the chance with the kids. Funny story finished the pies and present wrapping @Midnight last night. three year old woke up this morning and unwrapped half the presents and put her own adding touches on the pumpkin...

Ok, the pumpkin and the pecan are done. Have to wait for my mom to get home before I venture into the apple. At least the crust is all made. Just have the two youngest with me and for some reason this last half hour before bed time they get their second wind. Besides they would have all the...

Change is good. Wow does that feel good to say. I have to remember to breath. I understand what you are saying.

DD, Thanks for all the advise it is taken and appreciated. At this point any little bit helps. Yes the possibility of dependency is always lurking in the back of my mind. You would think that the three kid would be enough to wear me out to the point of exhaustionLOL. But seriously, now that...

Cookie it sounds like our memories are twins. I have trouble getting my words to come out in the right order also.LOL

Tonight I am the pie lady. Havent had the Christmas thing with my sister and her family yet. Tomorrow is the day. So tonight I get the privelage of doing the pies. Pumpkin in the oven now, pecan ready to go, and I won't start the apple until the pecan is almost done. Neither my mom or sister...

So do we actually change the conditioning we recieved as a child or do you just go with the flow?

Thanks for the positve. I look desperatly for that day to dawn.

Hug my children. It sounds so easy. Once in a great while I can hug my kids. Not enough. For me or them. I have a big fear of someone getting close to me. Yes sad to say it includes my kids. I feel like a failure. I get angry at myself, I mean these are my kids I know they aten't going to hurt...

I understand where your coming from but for me I can't shut down. Even while sleeping I don't shut down. The times that I do shut down are when I med. myself before going to bed. Don't like doing that as when I do take my xanax you can't wake me up. Since my husb. leaves for work before the rest...

Memory loss is a really big problem. My short term memory worse than my long term. Over the last couple of months even I have noticed a marked decrease in my short term memory. I can tell you what year it is and what month but I can't keep track of the days of the week or the date of the day...

When growing up I always swore that I would never say this or do that to my own children. Yet I find at times that i will say something to the kids that my dad has said to me. As soon as I realize what I've done I become angry at myself for following the footsteps of someone I swore I wouldn't...

Could you explain this to me? It seems as if my brain isn't awake right now. Just need a nudge. Thanks.

Growing up with my dad eye contact was a form of disrespect and retaliation. To look my dad in the eye meant you were trying to defend yourself and that was a no, no, . Just a harsher punishment. With him it was either his way or no way at all.

My greatest passion has been horses. Been pulling apart my problems with my dad and found something I had forgotten. I was between 7 and 9 years of age at the time. There was a man that worked with my dad and he had a atallion that he could not tame. He even went as far as to tie the horse to...

Cannot hold eye contact with family for more than a second or two. Enough to look at them but not long enough for a reaction. Still too much fear of seein disappointment, anger, now i'm even adding in pity. I did look at my self yesterday in a mirror. Just my face but I actually really looked at...

SIMPLE PLAN PERFECT Hey dad look at me Think back and talk to me Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? 'But it hurts when you disapprove all along And now I try hard to make it I just wanna make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough...

TRACY LAWRENCE ALIBIS She knows every move that a man could make She knows every trick in the book She knows how to give, she knows how to take Cause so many times she's been taken and fooled By those......... Alibis and lying eyes and all the best lines Lord knows she's heard 'em all She's...

STONE SOUR BOTHER Wish I was too dead to cry My self-affliction fades Stones to throw at my creator Masochists to which I cater You don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won;t let go until it bleeds Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I...

Hey Mouse I like P. Cromwell also as does my husband and he hates to read. Another favorite is Jean Auel and the Earths Children series. I have read them through and through again. For me they are an escape. I get into them so much that its like I'm looking through the eyes of the main...

Way to go Bec, very proud and relieved everything went in your favor. Have to agree with Veiled take a couple of days and pamper yourself. You deserve it! And just think you didn't even need the army to go with you.LOL You showed alot of stregnth and guts you go girl!

Totally relate to the animal person. Have always had a way with them too. I have been lucky enough to have an array of small wild animals feel comfortable enough to approach and even eat from my hand. Rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, birds. My son has the patience for it now also. Hes had a couple...

Even though I have been married for 12 years now and have three children I can honestly come out and say I am as close to total isolation as I can be . I leave the house twice a day to take my oldest to school and back. I spend the rest of the day trying to push back everything that keeps...

Noticed that there wasn't a thread for this and just thought I would throw it out there. As I am a very avid reader, one of the few remaining things I can really say I enjoy doing. I have a tendency to read fictional books from a time period of the ice age to pre 1900. But I have to admit that...