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  1. I

    Have To Admit It's A Constant Thought

    I both agree and disagree with this. I'm right in the middle of my struggles. I'm two years and a change since my emotional breakdown. Like many others, I fight terror on a daily basis. That terror overwhelms my ability to cope for a good share of the day. But I also know that you have to move...
  2. I

    First Time Post... My Ptsd Is Worsening. Any Advice Is Appreciated!

    My (still young) kids may not get a college education paid for, but they'll have a living daddy. I had a great Father's Day with them yesterday. They really love their daddy. Who knows, I maybe able to get a more demanding job at some point, but for now, this works out so much better. The...
  3. I

    First Time Post... My Ptsd Is Worsening. Any Advice Is Appreciated!

    International business. I now teach kindergarteners English. haha. My pay is only 20% of what I was making before, but I don't want to kill myself anymore.
  4. I

    First Time Post... My Ptsd Is Worsening. Any Advice Is Appreciated!

    One of the biggest things was dumping overboard advice from people who didn't understand PTSD.;) I switched careers among other things, as I deal with my issues. It was just too much stress and I couldn't handle it. Can you delay law school? When do you need to make a decision? Don't worry...
  5. I

    First Time Post... My Ptsd Is Worsening. Any Advice Is Appreciated!

    I get better and I get worse. I had a breakdown two years ago, following giving up alcohol, my self-medication of choice. There are things which set me off, and things which help calm me. Law school looks like an obvious suspect for the stress. It helps me when I can make a plan on how to...
  6. I

    I Need Some Support Right Now

    Hi! I'm here today, I'll be on and off as well. If you want to PM me, I can offer any help I can give. I live a pretty isolated life as well, and moving to Taiwan where I don't speak the language or have any friends can be rough at times.
  7. I

    Have To Admit It's A Constant Thought

    I feel that at times as well. Other people remind me that while my suffering is unique, suffering itself is universal. Is there something we can do to help? Listen? Share our experiences? I get paralyzing panic attacks and severe depression and often feel there is no hope. Yet, there are times...
  8. I

    Things Got Better Before, They Will Get Better Again, Right?

    It sucks, doesn't it? Please remember that you have been building skills, not a structure, so when setback like this occur, all of your work doesn't disappear. Progress is never steady, it jerks and even goes backwards at times. It will get better.
  9. I

    Dark Mood

    Yeah, that makes sense. There are times when I feel like that.
  10. I

    Dark Mood

    OK, I get a better picture now. Do you have a plan for the court appearance or does that help? I find that useful when I can figure out in advance what options I have. I think it's really cool that your son supports you by thinking EMDR would be helpful. That's really loving. My mother was...
  11. I

    Dark Mood

    How old is your son? Children pick up on things, and I think it's much, much better that they know. My mother tried to kill herself, and she would self mutilate, but would always pretend things were just fine. That was much worse. Has it been very long since the abuse? You said that you needed...
  12. I

    Dark Mood

    Therapy used to trigger me all the time. It would seem like the therapist was pointing a loaded shotgun at my chest. I used to have to tell the therapist to sit back in his chair because it seemed to dangerous when he would sit forward. I would lose the ability to speak. It was all I could do to...
  13. I

    Dark Mood

    Yeah, I'm down today as well. I'm tired. Sometimes it happens, I think. How long do your depressions last? Mine used to for months and months at a time. Fortunately, it's less now.
  14. I

    Have To Admit It's A Constant Thought

    I understand depression. I think most of us do. What is it that you are looking for here? Are you able to at least express that? "I am looking for . . . " and fill in the blank.
  15. I

    Have To Admit It's A Constant Thought

    Yes, more often than not, I don't understand what I'm feeling, either. In addition, after 10 years of therapy, I finally figured out that the most important goal I had in life was making the person in front of me happy at that very moment. I am constantly ridiculed by my family "don't be so...
  16. I

    Have To Admit It's A Constant Thought

    One of the hardest things for me to accept was that there are others who have had similarly terrible things happen in their life. Not the same thing, not the same experiences, but the fact that people do commit suicide shows that there are people who feel despair. Most therapists I saw did not...
  17. I

    Flashbacks And Dissociation Related To Complex Trauma

    Part of forgetfulness is simply getting to be a little older. I'm 12 years older than my wife, when we met, I was in my early 40s, she was in her early 30s. She would give me all sorts of hard times for forgetting things. Now she does so regularly herself. I'd give her a harder time, but I keep...
  18. I

    Flashbacks And Dissociation Related To Complex Trauma

    I find it really hard to be consistent. I try meditation, but find it hard to do it daily. I think that I need to change my goals from being perfect to at least be working on my issues. I think I need to figure out my goals here in recovery. Tonight, I just came home again from work and...
  19. I

    Sexual Assault Sexually Abused Boys/men?

    I was raped by my older brother. He abused my younger brother and some other boys as well. I was 11/12 and he was four years older, but I was tiny for my age and he was average, so it was like eight years difference in size. My father had molested my sisters and a cousin. He told me in great...
  20. I

    Flashbacks And Dissociation Related To Complex Trauma

    I'm starting to learn how to be a little wore aware during flashbacks as well. The worst were the ones which occurred in therapy. It would go right back to being afraid for my life again. It was like there was a loaded shotgun pointed to my chest. I find that I do so much better if I'm less...
  21. I

    Childhood Validation And Learning It Was Worse Than I Thought

    My mother still won't take responsibility for her share of the insanity, and now doesn't want to talk about it. The severe abuse in house started well before I was born. Before my mother clammed up, she talked about the family environent was schizophrenic, with things being fun and happy when...
  22. I

    Flashbacks And Dissociation Related To Complex Trauma

    On an intellectual basis, I understand that self-talk should help, but my problem is that when I get triggered or slip into disassociation, then self-awareness and self talk are the first things to go. I think that I need to work on being able to trust that things in the present are not as bad...
  23. I

    Flashbacks And Dissociation Related To Complex Trauma

    I actively switch into disassociation. It's not good, but the pain and anxiety are overwhelming at times. I do go into robot mode a lot as well.
  24. I

    Trapped

    That's where I am much of the time. I just wish it would all end. I wish that someone could hold me and make it all better. I don't have a lot of solutions, other than to let you know that there are others who feel the same pain.
  25. I

    Abroad For Five Days And Anxious If I Can Make It

    That's good. I'm glad you are surviving. I did that sort of thing for more than 20 years. Good luck on your last day, then go home and relax!
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