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Interesting. I often get younger than I am and it sucks because I am old. It probably looked different when I was 26 and started to wear these weird kid clothes and called adults "Really Scary Grown Ups". And ponytails and all. Now I am old and I still feel that way. It sucks so bad because I do...

(((((CMAN)))))) I am so very glad you wrote this. I have been feeling like a total failure as of late because I also have explosive outbursts. Everything has piled up to such a ridiculous degree that I have become excessively suicidal because I do not want to be a monster. I feel like a...

I often wonder who has it worse. Sufferers or care-ers. My care-ers have said they h ave PTSD from me. One said that I was like a cancer.......one day I am OK the next like hell. . It makes me sad. I am sorry you are going through this but i sure wish I had a nice care-er. The two I let in...

I have heard some of us love fiction to escape and others of us like straight up reality science or history or other non fiction. Which do you find helps? For me, it is history which tells me how things really are. I feel like fiction deceives me but I am open to the escape if someone wants to...

(((((((Shady)))))))) Your post made me cry. I am so sorry you went through that. and that trip to Wal Mart........How insensitive of that lady....... We all have many deep wounds here on this forum. We all have had terrible things happen and are trying so hard to get by. I hope you find comfort...

H8n. Hello. I am a Christian, too, but my faith is terribly weak. I know what you mean about being less than. I can't do much and it is very hard. I already had a disability and PTSD from hideous abuse AND THEN I had a terrible wreck so it is all hell and you know? I think of death all the...

I do agree but I also agree that it is too much. When it happens to me, I can tell it starts to form thoughts and I don't like it. I guess if she LIKES it, hey.....but I always find it problematic when I crush on someone after a while. I guess I hate fantasy. I am pretty hard core reality...

You said, " My mind was racing in horrific looping circles with everything damning you could think of about me and my situation " WOW! That about hit it. Raging and racing. Truly I see the people begging and they seem to have less shame than I do now. I have a lot of good signs to make. I am...

THank you, Angel! Your words touched me a lot. I don't think begging will be as bad as filling out 30 pages for food stamps. I did that once and they called me and yelled at me because my bank transferred $200 into a new account because they were closing all those kinds of accounts. She yelled...

Two years ago i had no place to go because I had to leave my home. I stayed with a friend but almost started to beg because I was not making it. I am at that place again. I have a home, but I cannot work. It is funny to me that I have SO much shame but not about begging. I don't know why I...

yes and it is always about being normal. Being in a normal relationship, job etc. Nothing fancy. It is sad that my fantasties just bring me up to the normal person walking around!

Mercy. I have a lot of shame and why I don;'t know!! I was the one abused so why is not the abuser ashamed? The hair thing.....I prefer to wear a knit cap out in public even if it is 100 degrees. I have all different kinds. I feel safe that way. Why? I do not know. If someone touches my hair...

Welcome Enig! You will find a lot of support here and a place to blow off serious steam when you feel you cannot take it anymore. I hope you DO stick around , too.

(((((((((((ASTRID))))))))))))))))) I had a terrible bout of what seemed to be anorexia. I have a genetic duplication that causes all kinds of troubles, one is eating. I also did well to get over that . It took decades.......but then I had a terrible accident that affected my mouth, so after...

I don't tell anyone either. I have a therapist and I did tell her on occasion, but it has peaked lately and I don't tell her anymore or anyone else. I told my mom! And I told her the truth. It is so much pain to carry it around!! This confuses me, too. When I was first abused i did tell people...

Hello! There is sometimes value in addressing the past if it helps with the future but if it complicates that, it may not be good. Sometimes we have to let things go. I am not good at it. I was abused too and in a bad way too. But on the days I CAN let it go? I totally do.

No she does not gather info on him. Yes she does know when he works, but she goes when he is not working, too. Yes she really does like him a lot but she has PSTD too. Do we EVER ask anyone out? I am sure I don't. I am too scared to do that, too!!

Oh dear no. She is not studying him. She is taking her schoolwork there. But stays a long time. 4 hours.

Great point. Feeling safe even somewhere!!!

For me it is like those parasites that get into the rat brain to make it do things it never would, like walk in front of a cat. I can be yelling expletives at my family member because I get pissed off because all night I was in pain because of an accident that was caused because I had to move...

OMG. This is really good in that scary way. YES , and that is just the tip of the iceberg. That is how you feel on a GOOD day with PTSD!!!

OMG amazing!! I never thought of that. Once, though, I took my friend to an institution in which he was abused in many ways when he was young. For a year he was abused and locked in there. We went back. The place he had been in was all dilapidated. The other building were OK. The look on his...

Dang me too. I guess that is why we are both sensitive to it. It is like that question, after being abused and you get all messed up and then you think ," Am I a monster?" Probably because we have both been abused like crazy ANDstalked, we are thinking, "Shit . Am I like my abuser?" Why do we...

I guess I have this but i feel so bad about myself that when someone says something nice to me, it is like a tidal wave. Huge emotions and tears , etc which makes them less likely to ever want to be near me at all. On the OTHER side of that , I get patted on the head in the, "Hey Buck up...

Good point. A harmless fantasy. Like porno! Hahaha.