Search results

Watching people die on tv shows, I now cry every single time. The dog and I went hiking today and I was speaking to hubby as we walked. I ate my lunch at a picnic shelter that he and I had once stopped at. I took a picture of my lunch and posted it beside a photo of hubby eating his sandwich -...

Thanks @ladee, truly, if I am strong, I am because of everyone here, Lord knows there are few actually here who cheer me on anymore. If i'm having a rough night and I post on fb, my sister usually posts some meme about not letting the past ruin your future...(I don't see that as being...

@ladee thank you for your words, maybe one day I will feel the strong that everyone sees. Angus (my dog) and I only had a short walk today, after 15minutes I could feel my knee starting to hurt. The rest of the day was an "inside" day. I am in pain right now. I've been careful with the knee...

I'm pushing myself too hard. I don't know what I'm trying to prove with these hikes, whether it's a PTSD thing or a suicide survival thing but either way, I'm hiking farther than my body is used too, certainly farther than the dog is used to as well. We're both a little crippled today. My knee...

I took the dog for a two hour tour this morning down to a local park. We stopped at the site of his death and just stood there for a minute; the flowers and stone are still there. It was a windy and dull morning that looked like rain but as we stood there the sun pushed out of the clouds and a...

Hugs, @Gadgie, I've had some strange things happen too. Today, the basement door creaked for no reason, it was shut and the dog would not stop staring at it, wagging his tail. Sometimes I swear he's here with us. I was having a bad day today. It was a yucky dreary day anyway, foggy and cool...

I've been trying to reconnect with my happy memories of my husband. I'll get on a roll remembering neutral things like getting in the car and smiling at him in the drivers seat or him coming downstairs in the morning or hearing him moving around upstairs if he was just waking up...he was a...

So very unusual occurrence on our morning walk today - we came across a teacup yorkie running all alone down the sidewalk. There was a nearby house with the door open, so I picked the frightened little darling up and carried her awkwardly toward the house, with my poor dog in tow. It turned out...

I'm struggling to get some rest, it's not working. I was awake until 130 in the morning, awake several times through the night, finally got out of bed at 6am for the dog and now trying to nap. The dog is currently fast asleep and snoring. I was trying to imagine my blanket as hubby's arm. I...

I dreamed about him last night. He was young and in uniform and he was smiling walking toward me. He didn't get to me, I woke up before he could reach me. I tired to go back to sleep and dream about him again, but it didn't work. In the grief book I bought they tell you to "dose" your grief...

The dog and I went out hiking today, two hours into the woods. We ate lunch at the spot he and I had our last picnic lunch together. The sun was out, I shed my coat, it was a miraculous day and all I could think of was, "I wish you were here for this, this would have made you feel better." I...

@JadesJewel, thank you for your kind words and sharing with me your struggles. I know those struggles well too, no one ever truly wants to die, we just don't know how to live anymore. I was trying in those final weeks to make him feel life again. I didn't know how. I could see him disconnecting...

Okay so my husband committed suicide just over a year ago. Another woman I've met online lost her husband to suicide just over a year ago too and she is thinking of starting to date! I mean, I can't even imagine looking at another man at this point and I'm not sure I ever will want to be with...

What started out as a happy day to celebrate the love I shared with my husband turned into a sobbing "I needed you" afternoon. The battery on my vehicle died while I was out getting groceries. I was in the parking lot screaming. There was no one around but a few elderly women - where are the...

Today was "mommy" and doggy day. Although cold, I took him out for a good long hike into the woods down near the river. In total we hiked at least an hour but while we were out there, I stopped at one point and looked around at the surrounding trees and into the distances - no, I did not see my...

My sister left today. I thought I was okay with it because she was starting to get on my nerves but now I'm sitting here afraid to go to bed, afraid to be alone and saying to my empty house, "Tin, please be here. Please protect me." It's a trigger isn't it? Every time she leaves here I have to...

He's been on my mind a lot today. Every little thing, how he never finished the dishes when he'd wash, always left the cutlery. How he and I used to have snowball fights; how we used to love walking hand in hand, how I wish so badly I could tell him about a show he would've loved on Netflix...

I'm feeling the pain again but they're more like grief attacks; brief episodes of intense pain and sadness where I end up loudly crying. I went to the basement today to look for some scrap leather I had there. I was glancing around, looked at the area where he'd moved the fan that morning and...

Okay, so apparently I'm not done rambling on about stuff that annoys me yet..... Guns. I hate guns and anything to do with guns ever since he died. Well, duh, yeah, of course, right? He shot himself. Guns were never my "thing" and I didn't ever truly like them or want anything to do with...

I realize now that I said I took him home to bury him - I just took him home for the funeral, we left afterward and he was cremated, duh. I went to lunch with my old colleagues and it was the usual. The one girl really likes talking work, and since the other is just on mat leave, they...

Number one dumb thing I am afraid to change...when I wake up in the morning and turn in the tv it automatically tunes to the Sci-fi channel; we used to watch it together before he went to work. I don't like the shows that are on in the morning anymore, it makes me sad and reminds me of him but...

Today is a bit of a tough day - a leaving day again. My sister went home. It's so quiet here again. Even though she mostly sits with her phone glued to her hand and not hearing me, Uggh, it's the physical presence of another person that I miss. I was thinking about my hubby again, thinking...

His mom called today. I told her about the email I found that he'd written to himself. I hope it helped her to understand his state of mind. He was his job. As I had written in my eulogy, anything that threatened his job threatened his life. I wanted them (his mom) to know it wasn't their or...

Okay so why do I get triggered by her when she's here? Because she spends a majority of her time staring intently at her phone, I might as well be alone - EXACTLY the complaint I had about my husband repeatedly before he died. Of course, just when I start to get involved in something, like...

I'm tired, it's after 7pm and I was never able to fall asleep again. My sister, the dog and I went out, forgot it was a Saturday - people; impatient people, everywhere! I ran into Walmart to grab some groceries and as I weaved my way through angry and stupid, I could feel my chest tightening...