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I just went through a conversation about this with my boyfriend. I feel dependent in many ways. I often jump right to "he's leaving me!" when he's just tired or irritated. He asked me to try & stop jumping right to that, because it doesn't even cross his mind. And in an odd way, while it...

What's missing within me? Why am I so lost? I don't know where I missed the pieces To play this game Maybe someday I'll find them But I doubt that's so They've gone on to another To power their own show I'm sorry I had to take care I never really felt free I wished for someone beside me To...

I came from an imperfect home Full of ghosts and deceit Expectations surpassed your wordsKept everyone in defeat While I live war rages on No matter the parties involved Because we were never taught how to live And accept being loved The battles range from tiny to grand And vary in style and...

I'll take these demons Put them under pressure Until they've turned to diamonds And spend them all away Someday

Don't let me drink whiskey tonight My past is here & it's looking for a stroll down memory lane And straight to hell So believe me when I tell you Don't let me pour that glass And get out my guitar The songs I want to sing Are the battle hymns of a war with myself & nobody else Any other...

Thanks everyone. @SheilaKathy I used to cry right after therapy... And now right afterwards, I generally feel relieved. But then as the day goes on (especially if it's a long or stressful day) it just seems to be a difficult night. Thanks, though. I'll try to bring it up... Though admittedly, I...

I'm noticing that whatever day I have therapy... Especially if it's a busy day afterward, That night can be hard. Last Friday I went to meet up with friends at a happy hour, which I haven't done in ages since I work afternoons.. I wound up having a bit too much, my bf met up and decided I wasn't...

Just my experiences/approaches. Please take/leave any parts of this. Extensive family history I tend to wait to tell. A few weeks is still twitterpation generally (which is great!). The realities of long-term commitments sink in a bit later as you both learn about each other (in both wonderful...

Today, my PTSD feels like a child's imaginative but impossible/ridiculous monster in the closet or under the bed. It seems like everyone this week thinks I'm exaggerating or dramatic. But I still have to try & sleep knowing that the impossible monster is real.

It sounds like she's wildly unprofessional. Hopefully, it's a good chance to start with someone who is dedicated to helping?

Hahaha! :-) very valid point. Calling me a slut is her approach to handling feeling jealous or inadequate. Since High School, her approach to discomfort has been to be dramatic, rebellious, and vulgar to draw attention away from her insecurities. She once yelled "suck my ass!" to my...

A slut. I tell my mother I lost 2 lbs & she calls me a slut. I shouldn't care. I know she means it as a vulgar joking jest. She thinks it's funny. It's never been funny.

As a sufferer, I'd respond. But stand by your needs, too. If possible, be caring (which it sounds like you are, or you wouldn't go to all this trouble) but firm & honest. There are times I struggle. I love knowing that my bf is still there, but it doesn't mean PTSD gives me a free pass to...

South by Southwest (SXSW). Huge music Fest, huge party. And this year... I want to get a cabin & hide. Away from all of it. We had a great show tonight, the crowd dug it. But... I just don't care. "You almost made me cry," "you play like nobody's business!," "you're AMAZING." Reality? Drunk...

I probably, looking back, had some symptoms as I went through abuse through my childhood, but mainly it was a daily survival. Then I was sexually assaulted in high school. Add in a couple car accidents, and a horrible reporting process a few years later, and yes. I was just talking to my...

It's a new week. I'm finally starting to feel better. I've got laundry going, trash is out, dishes in progress, appointments with students rescheduled for all their spring-break needs. To most it's not big... But after just shutting down the last few weeks, it's big to me. I'm starting to feel...

I still struggle with this. I'm in what I hope will be my last romantic relationship (in a good way). It's not easy , we're not married yet, but I worry about being a good wife. As far as kids , I spent the longest time convinced that if there was a shred of possibility I'd treat a child as I...

Welcome. I've found a wonderful community here :-).

I saw another therapist before this one... and I essentially got to use that one as a "dry run." I got used to the idea of talking about stuff, over the initial fears about admitting I'd been through some stuff, etc. Luckily, that therapist left and I started with a new one, who I get along with...

I may have phrased it poorly. The advantage for abusers is that it leaves no physical scars. Even as a very young child I used to wish they'd hit me so I'd have something tangible and a reason to say "ouch." If there'd been an equivalent number of physical scars to compare, it would've been...

I haven't talked to my therapist about this yet, but I understand completely. When things were really bad while I lived at home, I started to wonder if I had Multiple Personality disorder, but was always aware when I switched to different versions of myself & knew that none of them were...

Wow! I hadn't checked back on this forum for a while and am kind of glad I got to read all of that at once. I'm just now starting to admit to myself that their words & actions affect me more than I ever wanted to admit. I was lucky to come across a series of people who were ready to show me...

I want to sleep. To rip my hair out. To run and hide until everything is okay. But I know my troubles will follow me. I want to wake up & be normal, functional, happy. Not tired, miserable, scared, scarred. To breathe & eat & sleep like a normal person does. To live in the moment.

So perfect today...

1 step forward, 10 steps back it seems. I'm learning a lot about myself, but it's so hard. I feel like my life is crumbling around me, but that I'm just better at putting crumbs together.