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I'm happy for ya! It is very hard to deal with. I'm glad he's back.

I also want to add - he knew you had an art degree, but you also knew he is a retired drill sgt. Maybe you didn't fully get what that entails and maybe there is a bit of that opposites attract thing going on. I don't condone his behavior at all and he definitely needs to get a grip. It's all...

Oh man...this is something of a topic Sweetpea and Phantom Shadow have brought up in this thread. I was in the Army for nearly 7 years, and when I read PTSD GF's comment about her vet being a former drill sgt., I got it right away. They are tough characters, combat or no combat. You absolutely...

That sounds like what is going on in my case @Gia1019 he only shuts me out and I think it's for the reasons you stated. Thank you so much!

And maybe it also has to do with feelings of shame.

I tend to think, in my situation, it is either a way not to look for a deeper meaning, or not knowing how, or both. And also not wanting to be wrong or "screwed up" in any way. It could be, "she said this and I feel bad, therefore it's her fault."

What about deflection in the former of making the other person to blame (me) and not taking responsibility for reasons of isolation? Or is there a different term for this?

@Hojay again, same! My vet gets miffed too when I try to bring it up. I have thought that maybe it's because he feels he's being criticized. Like I'm telling him he's flawed and damaged. But then I don't know! Maybe he doesn't even know. I get the deflection a lot. Is that PTSD? In what way?

I was literally having these very thoughts (fears) last night. It is very hard not to let our minds run away with us. Thank you @Gia1019 for giving insight and tips. Communication during good periods would definitely help me!

Thank you so much for your input and insight. And the video links! This is very important stuff to know on a much bigger scale than here.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. It is an odd thing to say, and it obviously bothers you. What does he mean by "provoke?" That could be a multitude of things. Has he defined this to you?

I think talking about it is a good idea when he returns, especially since he is getting treatment and is hopefully learning a lot himself. Maybe you could say you'd like to be there with him to support him in his treatment when you are reconnected and talking about it. It's a delicate subject...

@Seeking I'm so sorry you're going through this! I would not bring up anything about PTSD over text, nor when he is isolating or in any bad state of mind. Has he admitted to having PTSD or been diagnosed? That's a big consideration as well. My vet has admitted it and does not get treatment. He...

How are you doing @MMS99!

Yes to all of that. Take care of yourself first. Al Anon, therapy, friends, exercise...whatever it takes. Also just keeping busy can help. I find, when I get down, I force myself to get up and clean something. Put on my music and just clean. That way I am distracted at least for a short time...

@Mon15 I feel your pain! This has happened to me several times in a very short, 8 month relationship. Three times he has said it's over, and twice he has even blocked my number. Yet so far he has come back every time. I hope, in some weird way, that might be a comfort or give you some hope that...

I'm so sorry you're going through this Emily. I don't really have any advice, but just want you to know I read your words and really feel for you. I hope you find comfort here and others who may be able to offer you more insight. Hugs!!

well you dang sure have a good amount of humor on your reaction! :laugh: your son sounds like he got his sense of humor from you.

Per se*. I can't edit on my phone!

OMG I have been thinking that very same thing! Shitty ex situation! And I mean very shitty. Enough to make anyone have relationship issues. What I've concluded in my situation is that it's a combo. And also, not just PTSD per second, but the mental and emotional conditioning one goes through...

So far for me it's anytime I have a concern about our relationship. Planning anything is not good either. When I am unhappy that there were plans, but then the plans go awry because he forgot, that's a no no! Busy, public places cause anxiety.

I think you might get a wide array of responses depending on how the PTSD was acquired. I can imaging PTSD stemming from childhood abuse would have very different triggers from that coming from combat and so on. It would be interesting to know what commonalities there might be!

I wouldn't say you're off base in thinking that, but I also know that a lot of people feel very negatively about going to therapy. I personally don't get that thinking, but hey, that's just me! :) Has he admitted to needing therapy before? How does he react when you have told him that's your...

Boy is this thread helping me today! Thanks everyone for sharing.

I agree...stick to your boundary you wrote earlier. It sounds like a great one! I know it's hard, but you can do this!