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Not obtuse, rational. Cause you would think, right? That *should* be what happens. But the one place we have available for that is overpopulated and so students are given chance after chance to return to the mainstream school. Not to mention, half the stuff that lands them there is completely...

I want to elaborate on this given today’s experience. I had two class periods today that had students who are legally required to have aides in the class with them. 4th and 7th periods. During 4th period, the aide showed up. However during the entire period she holed up in the back of the room...

I’ll give you a list of my favorite authors. A lot of their books will have some level of this but not all. All are fiction/romance. All are very f-ed up but hey. Some of them some people say are more shock value but I disagree. Some focus on healing after, most honestly don’t or at least not in...

I’ll add also, because I don’t think I quite answered your specific question of why their school. Because when you’re in that headspace of severe depression and anxiety and trauma and the perceived source of that is the place you spend the most time (and we’re hardwired to not want to hurt our...

I work in an American high school with a demographic of students who are a mix of slightly wealthy and pretty extreme poverty. Our area is simultaneously rural and becoming more urban. Our county and town in particular are well known for drugs, gangs, domestic violence, and child abuse being...

Cut and Shoot, Texas, USA

How do you figure out who and what you are genuinely attracted to sexually especially but romantically as well if your whole life has been one big trauma response? I can identify when I feel arousal around different people or ideas. But I can’t identify whether those are because I would have...

It’s disgusting how common cancer is. It’s affected/ing at least half of the people around me if not more, on some level.

This might be slightly off topic, unsure. I don’t have good recommendations about books on development exactly but I do agree in researching the heck out of things is empowering. The off topic part- I can’t stand Erikson and his wife. I get they were big in their field and set up pathways for...

I guess I define addiction as something that you feel like you can’t live without so badly you’ll do anything for it even if it’s damaging you and your life in some way. Maybe by that definition these don’t quite hit? The porn does and I’ve absolutely scraped around for change and chosen to use...

I know there’s a lot of knowledge about trying to quit one addiction can cause another to rise up in order to fill the hole/role. But can the opposite happen? Can making progress on one addiction *also* make progress on another? I’ve gotten rid of social media and porn and somehow that’s...

Holy shit I actually slept good last night.

That’s a good point. I ended up checking in today and literally nothing interesting was there and I ended up logging right back out not even five minutes later and I feel really good about that. Another win- I just did 5 miles on the gym bike when I struggled with half a mile at the beginning.

I’m actually doing better about social media than I thought I would. I haven’t logged into any of them since Wednesday. Porn, unfortunately, I did unblock a site once that very same evening that I had blocked them. BUT, I haven’t been on any since that. So all in all, I’m counting things as a...

I did a thing today. I deleted apps from my phone (Facebook, Reddit, threads, x, TikTok, all my doom scrolling, time wasting, anxiety producing apps). I still have the accounts and I’m “allowed” to access them on my laptop. But I’m hoping having them not accessible on my phone will help my...

I’d heard stories too and wasn’t particularly interested in experiencing it either lol. I don’t know what brought it on. It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes but it felt like ages of trying to get even just my fingers to move.

I think I had my first instance of sleep paralysis and holy shit that was terrifying. I’ve always been very accustomed to nightmares, even multiple a night. But tonight I was awake but not? I felt like I was awake but it was a different house that dream me thought was mine. I heard the door open...

What is the feeling called when you’re nostalgic and homesick for a time and place you never actually experienced?

I think the dates with the kids would be. All of it. I guess talking to the libraries would be.

Turns out my family and I just don’t know how to communicate. We visited again and got all the beautiful baby snuggles. Why is hard for me to realize I am almost living the life I want? Yes, there’s a couple of things that need to be different to be truly ideal, but I’m working on them and...

Any tips for paint pouring? It’s more complicated than it looked lol.

I haven’t found a replacement therapist yet. Feelings really suck. I don’t know what’s rational and what’s not and what’s understandable and what’s not. Let alone tamping them down. Feeling: My nephew and his wife dislike me and this family so much (for very, very valid reasons) that...

Thank you 💙. She somewhat did but not really. She shortened her hours significantly and there’s no way I can get a consistent spot with her while working. I do think you’re right that I need to buck up and get an interim. I’ve been half assed looking and not liking anyone. But I’m probably being...

The only thing keeping the SI at bay is that my nephews baby is due in a week and how shitty would it be to off myself a few days before or a few days after and have it become this weird thing the kid would always tie up with his birthday

God these nightmares just won’t stop. I think tonight’s was the worst one yet in terms of guilt and graphic violence and gore. Dreamt that I had puppies who had turned cannabilistic all converging on and getting into the house. I couldn’t step anywhere without feeling the crunch of skulls...