Genuine Attraction Versus Trauma Response

[OceanSpray]

How do you figure out who and what you are genuinely attracted to sexually especially but romantically as well if your whole life has been one big trauma response?

I can identify when I feel arousal around different people or ideas. But I can’t identify whether those are because I would have been attracted no matter what or if they are because of one trauma or another. For some things I can see where the wiring may have taken place but does that mean I would not have been attracted if I wasn’t messed with?

I know some will say it doesn’t really matter but doesn’t it? Especially when it comes to more extreme fantasies?

I tend to be attracted to very, very masculine men. But is that because of who I really am? Or is that because of daddy and step daddy issues?

 

[arfie]

i don't believe it much matters why i am attracted to certain people and/or circumstances, but i definitely like to know what i am jumping into before i commit myself too far. i believe in testing relationships. time is my number one test. small, measured steps would be my secondary test. don't rush me. i need time to think and feel things out.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Ooh boy, if you figure this one out let me know?!

I’m bi, I don’t really care about whether that’s trauma influenced or not honestly. But (I’m female), I’ve been with women exclusively for a decade now. Mainly due to a long term relationship. But it has been kind of deliberate. Because I am attracted to totally the ‘wrong’ men. Super masculine, often with a dangerous streak in them. I’ve avoided on purpose because I know that there lies madness and probably badness. But yeah…