That’s a good way to put it. You’re right that you can be aware and processing, it’s just a confusing process I think. Interesting about sexual fantasy and betrayal, I tend to think things like that, even rape fantasies are okay as long as the person can control the environment, that they are safe now and not being betrayed or raped. It’s another way to take back control and process things. But I suppose it’s also fair the need to fantasize about other things as well.Yes, I agree with this. I'd add that it's not always that your mind is confused, because sometimes it can be that the mind is processing the abuse in a reasonable manner - and with awareness, hopefully it can be a way to get over it.
Some people have specific sexual fantasies precisely because they fear those specific sexual realities and never want them to be realized. We've all heard of rape fantasies here. Personally I know of someone who strongly fears betrayal, and sexually fantasizes about being betrayed. Trouble is, thinking itself can become a habit, even an addiction. I'd guess for that person, trying to sexually fantasize about something else more positive - such as love and loyalty - might be a helpful way forward.
A therapist once said a wise thing: "Let's not over-pathologize what you are doing. It might be a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation. Let's have a think about how your mind might be giving you exactly what you need. Let's try to harness that and put it to good use."