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I haven't considered this before, but it makes sense. My mom has never been an emotional person, which is probably helpful with her work. Thankfully, this dr isn't my T, he's a different kind of dr. I agree that it would be easier to successfully stand up to him indirectly than in person...

I quit a few years ago, and the stability definitely didn't come naturally. The stability came because I had to replace self-harm with healthier coping skills to prevent a relapse. (I was never going to be able to stay away from self-harm long-term without developing other skills to replace it...

Maybe a very vivid dream/nightmare? When dissociation makes real life feel like a dream, sometimes it gets hard to tell the difference

Probably one of the biggest reasons I'm still alive. I think if someone in real life told me to kill myself I would never be suicidal again

This is something I'm trying to get myself to start doing more. My instinct is always to do everything at once, even though things go way better for me when I do tiny pieces at a time. I guess I'm just still learning that it's okay to not do things the way that everyone else seems to do them...

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time doing the things that I need to do to get better. Everything is just so difficult and it’s hard to keep going when you feel like nothing you do is making a difference. This seems to be the downfall of most mentally ill people I’ve met who aren’t (currently)...

Welcome :) That combo of escitalopram and buspirone kept me relatively stable for years. I hope it will do the same for you

For me, it's a fantasy of escaping from all of the PTSD things that are hard to deal with. Part of me always thinks that it's the logical choice to kill myself because then I won't be in pain anymore. Don't have to deal with flashbacks if I'm dead. I would be taking control of my own life...

My first thought was of this mostly happening in less developed countries, but that's not the case at all. Here in Hickville, US, so many people use religion as a justification to abuse their children. My best friend's lunatic mother and grandmother, for example. Mom used to lock her out of the...

What about getting justice being a motivator for you to get stable? I know it's cheesy, but the best kind of revenge you can have really is not letting them get away with ruining your life (and I'm close with someone who killed one of their abusers in self-defense. Not as satisfying as you...

I don't think asking your family what they remember or quitting self-harm are bad ideas on their own but in my own experience, desperately wanting your memories back turns self-destructive quickly. When I was involved in court stuff I needed to remember more to be able to prove that my abuser...

By "shut down" do you mean feeling dissociated, feeling emotionally numb (but not dissociated in any other way), or something different? I avoid sex when I'm feeling dissociated or upset in any way because I know that sex will very likely turn into a situation where I go into a flashback...

The towel sounds like a good idea. The music may be more helpful if it were loud, so it's impossible for you to ignore (maybe not with headphones so you don't hurt your ears). Doing deep breathing also helps me. I found out recently that there are a ton of different ways of doing deep breathing...

Hope you're okay @Givrali 💛

It did take a while. I still go back and forth between believing and not believing that some of the things that have happened to me are abusive. I remember starting by just being willing to hypothetically consider that it was abuse. It helps me to see that my experiences fit literal, clinical...

f*ck IT WAS AUGUST😓😓😶‍🌫️

I used to have a crazy boss who once told me that she believes that Ted Bundy had found god before he was executed and that "we" would be seeing him in heaven. What the f*ck??? Christianity is a hell of a drug. No matter what heinous acts people commit, as long as they start believing in god...

f*ck forgiveness. I want them to get what they deserve.

This is a good point. That is the way I was thinking about things, but when you point it out it does sound unreasonable. Even if he wasn't acting inappropriately on purpose, it was still inappropriate. Intent isn't always everything. His poor judgment had a negative effect on me. I know some...

The more I think about what happened today, the more disturbed I am by it. I don't think he was supposed to be doing those things. He called me baby. Grabbed me by the chin to hold my head straight during part of the exam, I guess, but he did it in the way that someone would grab your chin...

I've experienced transference with other doctors before, but not anything this bad. It happened once with a male IOP therapist; I was attracted to him but also wanted him to be my father. Confusing. He was kind and professional enough that I felt like he would be safe and supportive if I chose...

Thank you for telling me. Your words help me feel less like I'm the only one going through this. It still feels like it doesn't make any sense for us to do this, but it helps to know that I'm not the only one who does it💛

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Thank you for sharing this with me. We've all heard jokes about people with "daddy issues" seeking out unhealthy relationships with older men, but it's usually framed as a moral failing on the part of the younger person, not as a common and...

I use white noise videos on youtube to sleep. No need to pay for anything. If you search for "ambience" on youtube a ton of super specific noise combinations come up that are designed to help people fall asleep and stay asleep. A lot of them have visuals to go along with them too. Some are...

Talking about what happened is the worst part of therapy, but in my experience, the more I talk about it the less afraid I am of it. When I'm able to speak about the event, I feel like it holds less power over me. Although the days following those therapy sessions are not fun, speaking about...