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Entire life pretty much been told to get rid of "us". Even when things seemed ok it was always there. If I remember I've been hospitalized for it but back then "we" didn't know not everyone has inside people. We were diagnosed major depression, anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder...

There's actual people around but it doesn't matter. I prefer isolation due to losing so many in the past. But I see others walking with people, chatting etc and wonder how they do it. I don't know what it feels like to have someone who you can tell all the good and bad to without doubting it...

Always so deeply lonely. So why go on. Its all so very complicated

Others look at her all the time, especially the yucky guys. She's always alone, sometimes with headphones on, her face covered for two reasons- it's cold and the parts have to talk. Other times she tries to concentrate on what her face looks like trying to look "normal." The girl always looks...

Thank you for all your responses. My husband has knowledge of how dysfunctional my family was and at times still is. He fails to connect the reasons why I act the way I do. Therefore, he holds me accountable for everything. He is in denial about his own issues and refuses to see anyone about it...

Thank you, feel very alone.

My husband knows little of what's going on with us. That's on purpose because he wouldn't be able to handle it. That we "go away" especially when it comes to affection. "We" generally don't like to be touched at all, especially when we're not expecting it. If and when the "act" takes place "we"...

In less than a month, court is scheduled and I have 0 faith that it will go well. The mere thought of having to see the evil being who sexually assaulted 8 children and a handicap adult and I can't fathom being in the same room. I, like many, dropped their children off at the local community...

I feel like I'm the exception to the "it will get better." I'm not wired correctly and I have written all about it from very on in life. I don't like being around others. They irritate us on every level. That's only work though. I'm failing at everything. And my T can only see me once this week...

I'm meeting with EAP this afternoon and have Fmla as well. I'm applying for sick leave since I know for a fact the worse is ahead of me and I'm scared. My daughter's sexual assault case is going to court. The last time my T and I talked about it, well I "went away" and have no clue what was said...

Not sure how to say this. Some of my parts think its unfair to be at work, to be around those people. Any people for that matter. I dissociate all the time and "we" have to be quiet. We can't hum to make ourselves, we can't talk out loud, we're in our world leaving little to no tolerance for...

I agree. Same thing happened just recently. I only realized towards the end of the session that a part came out. A part that has never revealed itself to anyone. Then its as if I came to and as soon as that happened, panic. My anxiety level was high and all I could think was "I need to get out...

Thank you, I thought I was the only oneguess not. And they can be constantly chatting and another will respond, sometimes out loud. I'm beyond caring what the "average" person thinks...why do you think their there?

There are many parts within me, probably more than I'm aware. However, there is one who constantly "talk" but all thats heard is mumble talk....does this happen to anyone else?

So today is Saturday. I have no recalection of writing that...I have bad amnesia...

I too struggle with this every single lonely day. People don't understand and are judgemental etc. I thought having bpd was horrible enough but now, my "friends" inside I've realized not everyone is like this. So very lonely but no ability to connect with someone either.

Its as if I was reading something I wrote and even had to attempt to remember. Everything you said is everything I feel too....and its a "silent war"we're fighting and only we know how unbelievably horrible it is to navigate on our own...

I see her tomorrow and have journal for her to read cause it's scary.

Because it's quite entertaining to see her facial expressions. But what I'm trying to figure out if I blanked out and it was another part. I can recall the beginning of the session and maybe a few sentences and all of a sudden time was up. I recall the topic which is one I've actively ignored...

I'm one of the more strange person to know. I don't need "friendships" or even casual "relationships" either. I'm told daily that "we're" content in our world since there's many of us. (My T knows there's more but we're not telling her yet) While at work, one part can come out but thankfully...

Sadly, I've completed DBT twice, yes I had to take it 2x because usually if we're taught something, you can guarantee it gets lost.

I'm very angry. Very. First week back to work after having surgery. That alone is enough to set us off. Then added to it, Murphy's law. All week, despite having any control, its snowed every time I have my meeting with my T. Every week for the past 3 weeks its snowed on the day I'm scheduled to...

After 2 weeks, most of it ill. I'm wondering though, how I can sit in a room of 20+ people and feel so distant/lonely. I don't share my personal life with any of my coworkers. They are strictly "work friends." I've learned the hard way. Bringing personal crap into the office and I vow never...

There seems to a pattern going on during the last month and a half. If I'm lucky to even fall asleep, no matter what, I wake up all sweaty. Not at the menopause stage, temperature in my bedroom normal, and I no longer dream. Before my life went down the drain, I always dreamt and most often...

I've come to realize after years and years of journaling, different parts write different things. Some even draw which is interesting since I suck at it and always have. But, one part seems to be good at it despite the darkness she portrays. Just recently I've allowed my T to not only look at...