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*** This is what I posted on a forum for SA survivors. Under the tab, "Sadistic Sexual Assault". I just need some support with it because I am confused. I know it is not as sadistic as many others have experienced... Hell, I am not even sure if it is sadistic at all. I am not sure what it was or...

I also have a blog too!!! I will read this and look at your updates. I personally have not very many readers or commenters on mine. It makes me sad. :( I hope yours works out well! :)

Sorry it made you feel ill. Yeah, I am surprised as to how many survivors don't even think or realize this is a form of r*pe. Sorry. Blessings and support to you! Safe :hug: if ok.

I don't know why this bothers me so much... Uuugh.

***These are posts that I had in a d*gital r*pe thread on a different forum and I am just copying them to here to get them out. So, if they don't sound as if they flow well together, that'd be because they are 4 seperate posts but I wanted to lump them all together in one.*** Post 1) I was...

Yes, TB, it hard and it's ok to say that it's not right, because it's not. How do I cope? I cope by writing, going to church, T, reading my Bible and praying, my negative coping mechanisms are SI, and drinking. Timid, thank you for the reply. And Yes, everyone who knows my story in RL, says...

(((((((TB)))))))) If ok. Thank you. Blessings. Short on words. I am leaning towards thinking he never will be on 'my side'. I used to have a lot of hope but I don't anymore. It's almost gone... Anyway, thank you. <3

No, I would not!!! It just makes me upset. Dad got back from an ice fishing trip with this guy... He will always be friends with him. Anyway, thanks Brucie. (((((((((Hugs for you)))))))))

Just not sure what to think about it all... Hugs, prayers, and any replies GREATLY appreciated. Thanks. Blessings. <3 ~Chantel~

I posted this on another survivor forum 5 days after my most recent r*pe in September 2012. The forum was entitled, "Sexual Assault in the Presence of Loved Ones" This is what I said, "I think I fit in here. I want to throw up... I am so scared... Does this count???.... My dad was in the room...

And actually I have since made revisions. I made the words darker and added some detail using sharpies and pen. Blessings! ♥

A drawing I did on my 18"×24" drawing pad. I used feelings, pencil, colored pencils/crayons. On one side is my identity and how I feel related to the abuse. On the other side is the reality and identity in Jesus. Thanks for the support!!! :hug: :hug: :hug: for those who want one.

Oh, and I know that this poem (unlike most of my others) has no rhythm to it really, nor does it rhyme. So, I know lol. But it basically was me just trying to get my feelings out and onto paper regarding how I felt during one of my r*pes. So, gentle comments please. Thanks to you all! Blessings...

Ashamed and frozen in fear, time stops. Pretending to be asleep; staying very still... Lying and waiting, pretending it's all just a dream. NO! Get up! I have to do something! SCREAM! *Silence*... I don't make a sound. No one can know. Ashamed! Eyes now scrunched up tight and fists form into...

Hi there. Thanks for replying. I have found that many of us have similar experiences. At least in terms of abuse related issues and such. You are in my thoughts and prayers if ok with you. Here is a :hug: if ok as well! :)

Julie, thanks for the validation. It means a lot to me. I am sorry that any of us carry this pain. But, there IS healing and it IS possible. I care. Thanks again for the support. Blessings to you.

Thank you this did help! Blessings to you. I guess it feels a bit different for everybody then right? Take gentle care. Safe :hug: if okay with you.

Thank you for your reply Cherry! :) It means a lot to me. Actually, I am an RN so I know about all of that but you see the spinning happened before I started to hyperventilate. I thought about what you said too. A few days after it happened I thought about all the different possible reasons...

I was in my T's office and I was talking about something hard I guess. I think I was talking about my most recent r*pe back in September or maybe something about my dad I don't know? Anyway, I started off just feeling 'spacey'. Not all the way there ya know? I felt 'off'. That makes sense...

101. I have been r*ped multiple times and in different ways. More times than I am even sure of or care to think about. 102. I struggle with feelings of self-worth and value, often feeling worthless and self-loathing and deserving of pain and punishment. 103. I like to watch Betty White's Off...

Will be adding more soon. I hope this was alright to post. I didn't know where else to post it. I wasn't sure which forum to put it in. It helps me doing this and I hope helps others get to know me a bit. It helps me get to know myself actually and see what the SA has done and who I am...

Here is 100 things about me. Some are silly and some are serious and due directly to the SA and abuse in my life. It was a nice thing to do and it actually helped me get in touch with myself some I think. Blessings to you all. I am 21 years old. I am an American. I am a Cancer and my birthday...

Thanks. It really hurt and triggered me. Uuuugh. I don't get why people are like that. Oh well, it'd over. Blessings to you all!

Thank you for the support it means a lot! Safe :hug: for you. It honestly did get my fuming. Especially the last comment he made... Anyway, thank you. Blessings to you.

OK, just be careful reading this. I am sorry for what I am about to say, I just need some support... I am so upset. Some people are sooooo heartless and cruel. I am a member on a site where people join groups and share stories that fit those groups... Anyway, you can also ask questions. Today...