***These are posts that I had in a d*gital r*pe thread on a different forum and I am just copying them to here to get them out. So, if they don't sound as if they flow well together, that'd be because they are 4 seperate posts but I wanted to lump them all together in one.***
Post 1)
I was d*gitally r*ped 15 months ago back in December of 2011 and then again (almost 6 months ago already) back in September of 2012...
2 different guys each time...
For me, this felt almost 'worse' just because it seemed so much more intimate or something to me because they could look me in the eyes, touch themselves, lie next to me... I don't know. That is just me.
I am not saying one type of r*pe is worse than the other at all, but as far as the effects go, I feel this almost grossed me out more and just I don't know... made me feel 'ickier'... Sorry if this offended anyone.
Again, all assaults are bad and equal in importance. I am just talking about how I personally felt during the d*gital and "regualr" r*pe. I felt different between the two.
Post 2)
Weeks after it happened (this is referring to the one that occured in September of 2012), I would feel his fingers inside of me. Thinking about it all makes me feel ill. I can feel his mouth... tongue... in my mouth. He is touching me everywhere... I hate it but I do nothing. I am frozen. I feel like I am 5 years old. I keep pulling his fingers out... They find their way back. I am too slow. Too drunk. My actions are too slow. His fingers and hands keep finding their way back. I feel dead inside. My body... Betrays me.
Post 3)
I still struggle with the idea of it being 'that bad' because they used thier fingers, not their p*nis...
And I was an adult when this happened. I realize that by my saying above, "I feel like I am 5 years old." might have been deceiving. I should have instead said, "I felt like a little kid."
What I meant by that was, I felt so little and vulnerable and scared.
I was never SA as a child that I remember. Not intentionally or directly on my g*nitals anyway... So, I guess I am lucky in that sense. I just get confused and I feel like a loser sometimes.
Post 4)
Well, this second case of digital r*pe was about 6 months ago already but it still feels recent to me... Odd.
Anyway, I felt r*ped even when I was told I wasn't. I was told it wasn't 'real r*pe'... Whatever the hell that is... I know how I feel.
Besides, the US changed the legal definition of r*pe to include d*gital assaults and other things. The way I see it, if there's p*netration, it's r*pe.
But I still feel that doubt and guilt when I call it r*pe... I feel ashamed to say it was d*gital because of how most people perceive it.
And when/if I do divulge that it was d*gital, their facial expression says, 'That is all?'
And it totally invalidates me and clams me up even more...
Post 1)
I was d*gitally r*ped 15 months ago back in December of 2011 and then again (almost 6 months ago already) back in September of 2012...
2 different guys each time...
For me, this felt almost 'worse' just because it seemed so much more intimate or something to me because they could look me in the eyes, touch themselves, lie next to me... I don't know. That is just me.
I am not saying one type of r*pe is worse than the other at all, but as far as the effects go, I feel this almost grossed me out more and just I don't know... made me feel 'ickier'... Sorry if this offended anyone.
Again, all assaults are bad and equal in importance. I am just talking about how I personally felt during the d*gital and "regualr" r*pe. I felt different between the two.
Post 2)
Weeks after it happened (this is referring to the one that occured in September of 2012), I would feel his fingers inside of me. Thinking about it all makes me feel ill. I can feel his mouth... tongue... in my mouth. He is touching me everywhere... I hate it but I do nothing. I am frozen. I feel like I am 5 years old. I keep pulling his fingers out... They find their way back. I am too slow. Too drunk. My actions are too slow. His fingers and hands keep finding their way back. I feel dead inside. My body... Betrays me.
Post 3)
I still struggle with the idea of it being 'that bad' because they used thier fingers, not their p*nis...
And I was an adult when this happened. I realize that by my saying above, "I feel like I am 5 years old." might have been deceiving. I should have instead said, "I felt like a little kid."
What I meant by that was, I felt so little and vulnerable and scared.
I was never SA as a child that I remember. Not intentionally or directly on my g*nitals anyway... So, I guess I am lucky in that sense. I just get confused and I feel like a loser sometimes.
Post 4)
Well, this second case of digital r*pe was about 6 months ago already but it still feels recent to me... Odd.
Anyway, I felt r*ped even when I was told I wasn't. I was told it wasn't 'real r*pe'... Whatever the hell that is... I know how I feel.
Besides, the US changed the legal definition of r*pe to include d*gital assaults and other things. The way I see it, if there's p*netration, it's r*pe.
But I still feel that doubt and guilt when I call it r*pe... I feel ashamed to say it was d*gital because of how most people perceive it.
And when/if I do divulge that it was d*gital, their facial expression says, 'That is all?'
And it totally invalidates me and clams me up even more...
