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I’ve come to realize that a lot of the feelings and impulses that would lead me to pursue or accept relationships with others came from thought errors and feelings around abuse. In my last romantic relationship, I felt an intense pull and such intense feelings to the point that I would get a...

What are your wishes or desires currently? I think it would be cool to have a thread where we write about the things we want and update it from time to time when a want or need comes up. I’ll start: I wish I had companions that share my interests and who I could go to concerts and outings with.

I realize there’s a block around hoping for relationships. It’s like I’m not allowed to. Like I’m not allowed to look forward to what I want from others. I think it might be due to the intense triggers that I experienced in past relationships. It’s like I don’t want to hope for better because...

Thank you the confirmation means a lot. 🧡

Playing Undertale with my brother.

I have definitely been triggered into a panic attack by the silence. I want the silence so I can focus better but at the same time it’s frightening being without it like I’m being left all alone or abandoned.

A part of me doesn’t want to move on. It wants to hold onto the things that people have done. I think it might be a defense mechanism. I don’t want to forget what happened and have it repeat again. But acceptance is what is missing. I also need to realize that it’s better for everyone to not...

I think the acceptance part is hard for me. I don’t want to accept that some people will act in unsavory ways and that they can’t change. But I guess there’s a difference in the possibility for change and them actually wanting to and taking steps to. So I guess it’s possible but just unlikely...

I’ve kind of been avoiding this forum in particular. I didn’t want to talk about my relationships and just focus on making myself feel better and more functional. I realize that I hold a lot of sadness because I know I deserve to be treated better by my family but I don’t think it’s going to...

I think a part of me feels weak for having been assaulted. It wasn’t that I was weak and because of that they were able to take advantage. They did what they wanted to do. It wasn’t because I was lacking in some way. I might have lacked a more abrasive response but that’s not something I...

I realize that there’s a part of me that still wants to reach out to a past person. I saw him in a YouTube live chat and I immediately blocked him and afterwards stop watching that channel since I didn’t like the blatant racism in the chat. But I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to...

On a beach under an umbrella for shade.

Never have to sleep. I hate the nightmares and more time in the day would be a plus. Would you rather be depressed for a week or hooked on drugs for a week? *Courtesy of a family member

I have this experience that I’m sure is dissociation but I’m wondering if others get it too and what they do about it. I’ll be reading or listening to something and all of a sound I won’t really be able to process it. I’m staring at the words but they contain no meaning. They’re just there...

I realized that my background anger. The dark and heavy kind comes from my memories of my uncle. He was and still is rather stern. He would turn everything I said into something negative when it wasn’t, inserting things I never said. Every positive accomplishment was turned into a negative...

I’ll definitely keep that in mind. I looked at the website and it definitely reminds me of my former instructor.

I’ll definitely try it. I do remember detoxing helping previously. I would feel calmer after water fasting for a day. Have you had any issues with injuring yourself while doing intense activity? I kind of fear doing that. I used to pole dance to let out the excess energy but I kind hurt my...

How do you channel your anger? Is it primarily through actions or would something like angry music help too? Yea… I have to remind myself that I’m gaslighting myself or siding with abusers by letting the anger and memories go. I’m trying to lighten my load and make my life more peaceful and...

I’ve definitely had that experience. I try to calmly affirm that the experience did happen and that I remember it clearly. I also try to ground myself and tell myself that while it did happen in the last, it isn’t happening occurring since emotions and physical reactions can be caught up in the...

That’s very apt. It doesn’t do anything to stop the flashbacks even makes them worse. It’s a mind f but I think I use anger as a crutch to protect myself from things I don’t want or like. I have to realize that anger isn’t what’s protecting me. My actions and how I go about things are protecting...

So true. The anger doesn’t stop what may happen or change what already has happened. It feels really sad and helpless to admit that but that’s true. I do tend to feel drained a lot so maybe letting the anger go will help me have more energy to be more happy and peaceful instead of distressed and...

Honestly, yea. I can still reason when I’m angry thankfully. I think because I know how destructive it can be to myself and others otherwise. But I do struggle with self confidence and trusting myself after everything. Putting myself in bad situations in the past is hard to get over for me...

I read that continual anger can inhibit other emotions like grief. I don’t want to let go of the anger though. I’m afraid to let go of it. The realization that I was screwed over and the subsequent anger made me want to get away and allowed me to take steps towards removing myself from shitty...

Even though I know it will be helpful and has been helping me, I haven’t wanted to read the psych book on dissociation lately. It’s gotten to the part about cognitive distortions. I think the previous chapters on emotions hit very close to home and now a part of me doesn’t want to do them. I...

It’s very easily to learn on Duolingo but it goes so fast. If I stop even for a short time, I forget what I learned. Writing helps the language stick better for me especially if it’s one like Japanese or Korean where you have to learn a whole new writing system. For the speaking part, watching...