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Been single over a decade. I know a lot of ppl have it worse then I do. I just wished I would have went out more when I was younger instead of being a hermit and I mean that by the faith I profess. There is nothing wrong with being a Christian. Only until the point it starts to take away all you...

Well she knew I wanted to be a minister but no she says its PTSD also. I mean I've been extremely tired lately and just wanting peace of mind. I'm going to stop inviting everything that is Christian in because when I do that I get sicker.

It is so hard as a Christian to accept that I have PTSD. Maybe because I have had preachers saying it was a demonic attack to just about everything else. The nightmares really don't have one theme. Instead they take pictures of my day to day life and put in something warped. Now I have been...

Why I flip flop is because I can never grasp the idea I have PTSD. Sure with psychosis I know I had and OCD this also. Like my dreams have to be in a certain pattern for me to believe. Even tho we know that's not the case. I had my trauma I 05 and in 2010 is when I started having nightmares...

Ok, so it has been since 10 days without any gabapentin. I was unsure whether shaking my head up like a bottle can when taking high doses of gabapentin where the reason. But last night like the night before I've been having nightmares again. The thing is I'm always unsure what's causing them...

I don't know if group is available because Dr. Henneessee owns it and he is always on the go. It's not like a Gov funded community mental healt. It's a private practice. Yes we work on living in the now and not worry about the future and dread the past. Live in the moment. That is our main...

Thanks, I go to therapy. I will admit that a benzo was so addicting when I first had it that I got superglued to it. What I meant to say is we reduced the risperdal from 6 to 2 I don't want to be on risperdal. There has got to be a better AP then risperdal. I was on Abilify and that's what...

Since my psychosis is what traumatized me I feel safe to say that sometimes I go back into the psychosis via flashback. I used to think it was me going into the psychosis again like SZ. but I snapped out of it by answering on question. If I am dead, why do ppl die here? Then I snap back to earth...

I got SSDI in four months. I had major PTSD flashbacks of when I was going through the psychosis. I thought I was dead and this earth was my heart opened up to the entire universe of all the evil that was in it. I didn't want SSI but she said I couldn't function even when in therapy we had to...

Well idk? The thing is my dreams mellowed out as soon as the gabapentin was taken out. Doesn't mean I won't have nightmares. Just getting high hypomanic high on the gabapentin was causing me to have vivid nightmares. So once I stopped the dreams mellowed out. So it could be a side effect of...

IDK honestly if I'm going to ever be married. Being alone for eleven years has taught me that I can survive on my own. Put a woman in the picture and you have to LOVE her. She will respect you. I've grown in a lot of wisdom about relationships just because I never really had one fire up in...

I can actually say that I'm confident that no matter how high the mountain, no matter how Lind the road less traveled is. I will become a minister for the Lord. I thank God for all of you that I may share the wealth of wisdom I have. I'm confident because I know turning a 180 can make a person...

Ok, I think the day before yesterday I had nightmares but from all the way from detox which was last Tuesday to now I have hardly had any. I'm thankful I found out what it was. Gabapentin on top on PTSD and taking it like I was I was just mixing my head like a can of coke. What's weird is I...

Ok so not being on gabapentin I can tell a big difference in not having the same type of what seemed to be demonic attack. Like my dreams are still there but less of an impact. I'm amazed at the mental cravings I have with this. But I know if I pick it up again I prolly won't be able to stop...

Soo I just C/T it three days ago and have no withdrawals whatsoever. I can't believe I worried as much as I did and I am in awe of how God took the desire for it away. Now I don't abuse any medication. My nightmares have been getting better and I finally feel I kicked the devil in the face...

Ok, so I took some time off to pray and reflect to God about my situation. I know there are roads now you just don't go down. Meaning opening up ways to talk to ppl who hate you. Ok, we will leave it at that. Now on to God. His impressions are becoming so pushing on my heart I can't resist what...

I believe it is love that restores the soul. No Matter how broken it is. God is continuing in my life through so many venues that I am in Aww of what He is doing. I just believe that through therapy and God I will be what I set out to be. I wish all to know the Lord like I know Him. But, until...

Hey how about stop posting on my threads. Just because my trauma is different from your doesn't mean I haven't had trauma. I will just assume you never been traumatized and leave it at that. Mods close the threads.

@Cashew You can get a grip or don't post on my threads. You have no idea what this woman put me through.

I. Sorry I was half asleep when I said that I guess ppl where over looking it. Yes it was more venting. We need blogs on this forum but I guess we have diarys.

Guess everyone overlooked this. :(

i won't go into why my ex is the reason I suffer so much. But her abusive tone to the way she used her body to flatter other men while with me. She doesn't understand the pain she caused. How afflicted I am by the way she treated me and then left me while I was still in a psychosis. God...

Phenethylamine

Wulp, for the most part I haven't a us gabapentin in a week. Have no desire to. I was on eight hundred mg four times a day. I asked the ER to put mt on 100 mg three times a day, I already have the mindset I'm getting off of this. I will be a Preacher. I'm not going to let anything hold me back.

Please force yourself a six week period and that's it. I have been on klonopin for six years and I'm going to have such a hard time coming off of it.