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Over and over, we always do the life thing. Anywho, 1 hour, 10 minutes, I'll at least be out in the fresh air, well, to have a cig, wait for the bus, get home, block out the light, sleep as much as I can, and yes, be back here at 10. Yay. Then on friday, I get out at 6, and then have to come...

I was not fired, I'm not sure whether I'm disappointed or not.... I guess I need a job, and it's not a bad one, so, it's best that i was not. He still has an hour and 40 minutes, but so far, nothing from the jerk boss. Still can't wait for 6am! Have a wonderful day!!

I wonder if I was fired but not told. Someone just showed up (late) and said the owner asked her to work. I'm still on the schedule, so she left. I texted boss. Nothing back. Hmmmm.

Mmmmmm chocolate..... So lemmeaskyouthis @ladee , since you're in my head, lol, if you were me...would you email old t? I Just wanna say thanks, a very mild "OUCH", and congrats and good luck. And that I'm gonna keep moving forward, like he hoped. Even though, yeah, for reals, I totally just...

I'm tentatively feeling better right now? Lol. Thanks so much @ladee. I didnt steal your notebook, but I guess that just goes to show, we're never alone. Off to work, trying to be excited about well....whatever i can latch on to, I guess. It's a pretty night, being on a different time...

is living on pain the thing that's getting to you? off and on crying all morning .well, afternoon. my morning, i guess. overnights are weird. started an email to t. just closed it. why bother? old boss texted, said how are we moving forward? the hell? i told you a month ago i was done. i...

My cat has been extra clingy lately, which sort of worries me, but also, I don't hate it. I always want to hold her to cuddle, but she usually jumps away and then settles just out of arm's reach, cause she still wants to be petted, just not held. She was laying on my stomach today while I leaned...

ouch :( Sorry :( :( :(

Every time I wanted to just abandon therapy, I would think, well that's not really fair to T, he's invested in this too. I should at least give him the courtesy of ending it in person. So I'd go to my next appointment, and realize, I didn't really want to quit. 'Cause I was definitely attached...

Since my mind processes everything better with songs, the lyric that's been kicking around for this sitch is "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." And right on my treatment plan, a direct quote from me "Freedom's always been a kind of theme in my life." I'm already not his...

May 2nd for new T

@ladee already a little better, lol I was thinking earlier, I feel so dull. Nothing has amused me, or placated me tonight. But then, I heard, through the ceiling above me, The Right Stuff, by New Kids on the Block, and I was like, whaaaaat? Are they listening to NKOTB?? I will join them for...

No, you're totally right. I had reasons, but my fingers can't seem to keep up with the thought swirls. Thank you so much, and thanks to everyone, for the input. And support. :)

The weird thing is, now, I don't know if I would even want to see him again. I mean, for like one last session. Or, even, at all, I guess. If it's just for one, I think it would hurt more, and to ask to switch, now, would seem, i dunno. Desperate. Which i am. Lol. If you've read any of my...

I hate me. I hate me so much and it makes me hate everything else. Why can't I just stay in a job? I liked this job, I thought, and it's ok, it actually really is, other than one boss who is a really dick head. I haven't had one "conversation" with him that hasn't left me crying. Because I try...

He was the one who left it for me to hear it by phone. He'd "hoped to see me in person, but was sick, which sucked in itself". The real twist of the knife for me is that he just moved to another clinic in the same city, so why can't I switch to that place? But, there was no offer of that, so...

Thank you. I really am devastated. My temper has been so bad since. Of course my paranoia is kicking in, and I'm wondering what I did wrong, even though, really, it was probably just a good opportunity for him. I knew that after the relationship ended, I wouldn't get to see him anymore...

I'm sorry, I know this subject has been covered, and I'm not even here to ask a question. I just wanted to vent, I guess. My therapist of almost 2 years cancelled my last appointment, and then left the clinic. He did call, and I let it go to vm, so I could have a vm. He is "so sorry that he has...

I finally have internet. Praise the internet gods. Moreso, praise my old roomie, who brought my modem over. I don't do anything important online. Or offline, really. I'm just not important. But I still prefer having it, over not. I work the overnight in 10 and a half hours. I wasn't planning...

I thought a good sleep would help. Nah. Thanks, though, @ladee. I appreciate you.

I did think "I could just take her along with me..." but I can't kill my cat. Or me, i guess. I never have been able to. Not even past thinking about it. Other than things that will kill me slowly. I don't think I'll continue with therapy. Not with anyone else at that place. I do want to try...

Torturous shift. Hyperbole, of course. When things get to this, I always realize, I'm the problem. My attitude. Me. Im wrong. I'm a problem. Over and over, I f*ck things up. The easiest step is to remove me from the equation. Even my go to answer is hyperbolic. But I can't leave pookster. So...

Well, after a few weeks of relative...calm in me? Oh the anger. It's SO back. Was I just stuffing it down, or piling it on, until the little things make me snap. Started the new job. It's mostly overnights. Getting used to that. Last night was up to 4am this morning, and now I'm back 2pm to...

Yeah. He f*cking left. f*ck. "You'll get a letter soon with your me therapist's name." Not even a goodbye? That's cold.

Trying not to freak out, I logged into my health care account, and all of my future scheduled appointments with t have disappeared. I'm hoping its just a site error, or clerical error. But what if he just cancelled them all. Like, I'm not necessarily thinking just mine, well I sort of am, but...