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I am right there with you and I have had this conversation with my T countless times. I feel like I am close to that final acceptance of T truly caring, that is really is a safe relationship. He said to me last week that I need to accept what it feels like to be truly cared for in this horrible...

That's awesome! :)

@Muse I'm really confused about your reply. I never claimed that it was my PTSD that caused me to wake up... They were using a pretty light sedative, not general anesthesia, and I believe that they have a bit more control over it. When I did wake up, they did talk to me, saying it's over now...

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I know this doesn't change what I have gained in the 225 days - and I am certainly not in the same place that I was back in June. Not even close. I just wish I could really soak that in - that I could let that knowledge inform my feelings and beliefs - but...

I posted yesterday about how I was re-traumatized from a medical procedure - and ended up relapsing yesterday and cutting. I just couldn't stand the feelings/memories any more - I needed something to make it go away! It had been 225 days since I last cut and I am so sad and disappointed that I...

I totally get that. I think part of it, for me, is to prove to myself that yes, it was THAT BAD. I just said this in another post, but I feel unable to validate my own feelings. I need someone to tell me it is okay to feel how I do - so if it destroys me, then it proves how much pain I'm in :(...

@recoveringfromptsd it really is an important test, and from that perspective I understand why it was necessary. I just wish my advocating for myself would have been taken and handled with extra care :(

Thanks @Heather I don't know why, but it just really helps to have other people validate my feelings. I still just feel so concerned with knowing my feelings are "okay"

Hi. I needed to have a screening colonoscopy done - as I have a high risk of polyps/cancer. I had it done yesterday. I was very upfront with the nurses/doctor about my PTSD and concerns - I did not want to wake up at all during the procedure. I was woken up about 10 seconds too soon - and...

Thank you all for your replies, they do mean a lot. PTSD/trauma sucks.....

My T has cried in front of me - they were very special moments, where he wasn't just T, but a person who loved and cared about me in a very real way. I am so proud you have been able to start to get your story out - that's where I am at too and it is SO HARD - way to go. You are inspiring me as...

I have been feeling (somewhat) brave and strong recently, with being able to disclose the details of the sexual abuse I went through, but now I feel like I am falling apart. I don’t feel brave or strong any more – I don’t even know what I feel, but it isn’t good. I have 220 days free from...

Your post is timely as this is the exact thing my T and I are working on right now. Saying it out loud, being okay talking about it, knowing I'm in a safe space to speak I struggle severely with forming words in my head and then just having my mouth fail me in saying them. I am trusting that by...

Ugh, I am so sorry. I HATE when sessions just turn into a trainwreck....it is awful. Try to be easy on yourself and give yourself some time/space to process where you want to go from here - i.e. how you want your next session to go, what you may need to say, etc. ((HUGS)) if you accept....

I would say that for me the absolutely most important thing was finding a therapist that I connected with and felt safe with and that their care for me was genuine. It is because I feel safe, we click, and I know he truly cares that I have been able to withstand some really hard times during...

Thank you @Panda Bear and @stp2012 for continuing to encourage me and helping me to understand that my feelings are okay.

Next day, I'm still feeling quite overwhelmed and processing the work. There is an interesting combination of relief/support and then also fear/shame of having someone else know these things and how that makes things more real and the lid I held tightly over my emotions around it seems to be...

Thank you all so much. My session went about as well as I could ask for. It was really, really, really hard - hard to get words out - but T was right there, held my hand, and at some point took over (with my permission) and asked questions to help get the rest out. I did a really good job...

@watundah thank you - not sure if you can relate, it is hard to accept the label of "brave" for myself, even though I would give it to anyone else here - but I will try to let that sink in @Panda Bear thank you - it is so helpful to know I am not alone in my feelings @Lola Nocheprieta thank...

@Friday Thank you - that is really, really helpful. I appreciate your encouragement. @Silver. I normally love this suggestion as it can be so helpful, but the thought of having those words written out seems even worse....

I'm really having a tough time in advance of my session tomorrow....I have been working really, really hard on my sexual abuse (ugh, I even have a hard time typing that out) we have been going slow and I have been telling him what happened piece by piece. There is really only one thing left -...

way to go @recoveringfromptsd !!!!!!

I have done a lot of pushing away when what I really want is to pull my T closer. It feels impossible, and extremely vulnerable, but I try really hard to just tell T, I am feeling hurt because of X, and it is making me feel like pushing you away because my stuff is getting triggered and I'm...

I just want to let you know how brave you are. I know that it can be hard to hear that sometimes, because it doesn't seem brave to want to cut, but really - to do what we do, to constantly live with trauma in our heads and want to hurt ourselves, and to say no - that is bad ass. It is.

I know I am late to this, I just wanted to say that I can relate to what you are saying. I even told T this morning that I am just waiting for him to see me as worthless as I believe I am. It sucks because I KNOW in my logic brain, he would never think that about me and that it is not true - but...