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I have a little respite before the next group of angry children attack so I thought I'd gather my thoughts for my therapy session. I have no idea how sessions work now and if we spend the whole 45 minutes on EMDR or if we spend some of the session talking about other things. I'm good with...

Tonight's group was on avoidance behaviors. I feel like I said too much tonight and now feel embarrassed and don't want to go to therapy. There's some irony in there somewhere... Tomorrow will be a day of crying children all wondering why they are about to fail the second quarter when they...

I also suffer from nightmares. I had a spell back in November/December where I was lucky to get an hour of sleep per night and would have panic attacks when I went to bed. I was exhausted and starting to lose the ability to function at my job. My psychiatrist prescribed prazosin for me. It...

Today has been a busy day so far and I have two more meetings to go before my school day ends. I have my T's group at 5:30. I'm hoping to get some more grading done before group and spend some time practicing guitar. I definitely missed having X's group yesterday but it was nice to have a day...

Today's been pretty uneventful. I got three of my six class's grade caught up, which is good. I got some paperwork sent out to parents. I hope to get more stuff done tomorrow. At least I didn't do any work on Saturday and really took a day for myself. I even got to watch my Bills win the...

Me too. I rationally know that she will never be able to love me in a way that is beneficial to me. But there's this part of me that still wants to make that connection. Until that part of me can heal and accept the truth, I need to maintain my distance.

My mother is not at a point mentally where she can hear that. That would be essentially cutting her off. I believe it would just cause a lot of unnecessary drama. My mom loves any excuse to play the victim and she sure would with a letter like that. She just can't see her faults. It might...

I agree. It's why I've been questioning how much involvement in the relationship I can have. If I had a strong enough relationship with my brother that I could cut her off without losing that relationship, it would be a much easier choice. So I'm looking at what I can realistically do to...

@mumstheword , I read your response right before I went to bed. There's a lot of great information in there, some of it very enlightening to me, and I needed to think about it. Will probably need even more time to mull it over. Thank you for such a thorough response. I had never heard the...

Yesterday, L said that she believes that the trauma from my childhood is the reason that I am the way that I am. How I am is what is normal for me. I don't really know any other way. My husband and I just got into a fight. We don't really ever fight but I think I have to stand my ground on...

Everyone gave great answers and I wanted to say thank you. I'm still thinking some things over.

Last night, the husband creature and I watched a few episodes of the show "Forged in Fire". I definitely like it (I think more than him). I hadn't seen it before and I think it's cool to see the process of things like that being made by hand. I have no desire to become a blacksmith or a...

I am a forty year old woman (some of you know me, some probably don't) who has been working through the aftermath of an abusive childhood. Until October 2020, I didn't really realize that I had an abusive childhood. My mother was my primary abuser and probably my sole abuser during my early...

I'm coming down off of my anger (which is probably a good thing- might sleep better). I've been thinking a lot about my mom and that relationship today. That relationship is thoroughly toxic. To know this, I simply have to look over my journal entries. So I've been considering what I want...

I woke up angry this morning. My jaw hurts because I was clenching my teeth through the night. This is a new experience for me. I don't really like being angry but usually emotions hit me like a truck and fade out pretty quickly. Instead, I'm still angry. Hopefully it's a good sign that my...

I'm at a breaking point. I don't know if this is a sign of growth or weakness. I don't really know anything. My day was a chaotic and awful one. My new co-teacher is upset with me for not getting more grading done. I understand where he is coming from and all I can say is that I'm...

Had the IOP group tonight. I inspired the theme accidentally. I was talking about how I'm trying to wrap my head around not being perfect with playing the guitar and we ended up talking about perfectionism. The talk on perfectionism, which very much applies to me, turned to negative self...

I got a lot of work done between yesterday and today. I'm still really behind. But at least I did do a little bit of the grading that I promised the kids I would do. I also wrote four IEPs and completed other paperwork for upcoming meetings. It's just so hard to focus these days. I need the...

I spent some time last night reading more about EMDR. I probably saw a lot of the information I cam across before but wasn't ready to absorb it. It was the same with the idea of having trauma. I couldn't see that word when I first looked into EMDR and didn't yet understand that my issues were...

It's been an awful day. My boss went back to her old ways of blaming everyone and everything for her mistakes (nothing is ever her fault) and kept creating extra work for me. As if I didn't have enough to do. I'm already so far behind. I already asked L and she said that I am in fact too...

Hi there and welcome. I've had a lot of bad therapists over the years. I only really realized that I have trauma a few months ago so back when I really needed help (right after getting out of my abusive household), I didn't have a clue or the money as to what I was doing. I didn't have any...

@ladee , I sincerely hope you are right. Something in what you wrote struck a deep sadness in me. Perhaps it's the loneliness I don't often acknowledge. I hope you also get some good rest tonight. Thank you for your kind words.

@ladee , I know he is human. He chuckled at me in my last session when I mentioned things that I had seen on my after care report that I knew weren't correct. He said that I seem to catch all of his mistakes. This conversation was not at all accusatory or demeaning but related to something...

In terms of my job, today went far better than I expected. I had expected to get yelled at for something I legitimately screwed up back in December. Instead, I was able to fix it enough that I escaped the cruel grasp of punishment. I even got thanked by my boss for my hard work and that hard...

I am a teacher doing virtual learning. Having said that, the district I teach in borders on DC and many, many of my students' parents work for the government in DC. I'd say it's the biggest employer of my students' parents. There were many discussions in many classes today on this topic- not...