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Thanks for the reply. It's very difficult, I've had to watch her get abused by several men under the guise of "friendship", such is the difficult of being long distance, I'm not around, because if I was there's not a chance in hell this behaviour would be getting anywhere near her. I feel very...

Thanks @boodle, you're correct, she does on occasion still excuse their behaviour (i.e. but they really care) and even feel a little guilty "moaning" about it to me, but it's clear to me this friend, regardless of any positives, is manipulative, controlling, disrespects her and is a very...

So tonight, my suspicions were confirmed. My So/ExSO told me a lot about her "friend" she has, without really divulging all her private details (that's unfair) suffice to say, they're possessive, controlling and abusive. They read her phone, including our discussions, tell her she's stupid, tell...

Those are natural, but you have to remember you're not her saviour, you aren't duty bound to fix her nor can you. You stayed as long as you could, you have to remember you left for a reason, you can't neglect your own well being forever, you can't become less than you can be just for her...

Yeah removing yourself is best for both of you, naturally when you're attacked you'll defend yourself, they'll feel even more threatened in what is already a very frightened state and you just end up hurting and upsetting each other. Walking away may piss somebody of in the short term but long...

This forum is a god send, I often find a lot of forums are "sufferer exclusive", including for my own issues, which is perfectly fine and I completely get it, but I think it's vital for supporters, whatever the relationship may be, to have somewhere to talk. I had to care for my mother during a...

I think it is in the immediacy of a threat, it's easier to process somebody as a threat and deal with them accordingly in comparison to opening yourself up and trusting they won't betray you or hurt you. I've found it's pretty fruitless to argue the point, my SO/ex-So deep down knows I'm not any...

Assumedly not if it's reflective of any other manifestation of fear, it is immediate, it is now, so the logical conclusion is all resources must be dedicate to the elimination of the imminent threat. That is if it shares traits with traditional panic attacks, everything is very insular and...

I think we all come on here hoping we get the answer we want to hear and that it will work itself out, but the sad fact of PTSD is it's completely unpredictable in terms of outcome. He may come round and realise you're worth the short term stress of overcoming his emotional insecurity around...

Me personally? It'd depend on the context of the conversation really, if they weren't receptive to respectfully discussing how it's affected me? No. If they were, potentially yes. In terms of my "sufferer" (always feels like the wrong term), her anger is that she let somebody "tell her what to...

My current situation is essentially, my SO/ex-SO feels hurts and betrayed by some aspect of our recent past, so doesn't want to talk, yet she also feels as though part of her is missing, that there is a gap in her life without me in it. Essentially, she misses me, but she can't talk to me about...

Thanks for the reply scout, I'm always quite careful to not declare any theories I have as fact. I guess by help, I mean in the sense that "removing stressors", whatever they may be could have a short term relief, even if perhaps the long term ramifications of doing so aren't necessarily...

Very difficult position for you to be in grimalkin. As recoveringfromptsd states, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. I see why you want to inform his family, it'd also help them get some closure on why you're suddenly being torn from their lives too and allow them to actively help in...

You're going to get there boodle, as StormySea says, the fact you did everything will, in time, give you that closure. You won't be left wondering "what if I did this differently?" or "could I have changed the outcome by doing x?" In terms of the vilification maybe try to see it this way. When...

Yes. My SO/ex-SO got in touch yesterday after a week of silence, basically to check if I had forgotten her and was happy, she was basically looking to confirm what must have been swirling in her head that I had left her, gotten fed up and moved on to be happy. She's always worried about my...

Another very important bumped thread, Nicolette, and very relevant. I think we often take a lot of what you can term abuse on the mistaken belief that it's "just the condition, they don't mean it." In the cold light of day though, how is that any different to "I made him angry, he doesn't...

You have to, for yourself. He betrayed you, you deserve so, so, so much better. Keep reminding yourself of that. If a person doesn't want to be with you they should be honest enough to break up first.

He probably feels guilty to some extent, he probably is also just trying to string you along until he finds his next partner, people can and will do that. Don't let yourself be his back up option.

You absolutely, fundamentally must move on. He can't hide his infidelity behind his PTSD, it's not an excuse for cheating on somebody and that is something I've found is repeated on here time and time again, by sufferers and supporters alike. I suggest you get out of there, he has completely...

My sufferer couldn't go to public toilets alone, she had to have me stood outside them to feel safe enough to use them or she wouldn't.

Based on the length of the relationship, I'd sadly suggest that yes, he is done, problems or no problems. That early in I'd err on the side of him realising he isn't ready emotionally for a relationship, especially from what he specifically said. It doesn't sound like he is in a position to...

I can definitely relate to that, I'm at the hovering on blocking my SO/ex-SO on all forms of contact, she's cut me out and isolated (from me anyway) and part of me feels like if I just cut her out completely too I can finally heal and move forward. As others have suggested maybe this is his...

Deedee, I understand the feeling of hope that "he is still in there". I felt it too with my SO/ex-SO, but the truth is, they're not, at least not in the sense you're convincing yourself of. He's never going to become what he was again, that is part of him, but so is this. He may have moments...

I'm just a very good listener (when I am removed emotionally from the situation anyway, I wish I was able to be as rational about my own issues!) and you've found a great place full of very good ones :). I completely understand the fear, I've known my SO/ex-SO for more or less a decade, that is...

I know you love him Deedee, but you have to love yourself too. I love my So/ex-SO, but what we had isn't what we have now, it's do distant from that. I don't want to "abandon" her either, but if she wants to push me out and cut me adrift I may have to just respect her decision, even if it hurts...