Relationship Between A Rock And A Hard Place (push/pull Dynamics)

[TheMinsterman]

My current situation is essentially, my SO/ex-SO feels hurts and betrayed by some aspect of our recent past, so doesn't want to talk, yet she also feels as though part of her is missing, that there is a gap in her life without me in it. Essentially, she misses me, but she can't talk to me about it. It's almost as though she fears opening up, but misses me at the same time and wants me around, but just can't face it right now.

I wanted to have this thread for supporters (And sufferers of course!) to share how they navigate these very awkward phases of Push-Pull and what has worked, or hasn't worked, in resolving these stand offs. I think the PP Dynamic is one of the most confusing, as it creates hope whilst still rejecting you and it's very difficult to think how best to navigate you're way through and in a manner which is also beneficial to our partners.

How have you managed to regain the trust of your partners and re-open channels of communication?

How do you cope during these periods and keep your own emotions stable?

What sort of behaviours do NOT help reduce the distance between you both?

I personally don't have any answers myself right now, as you can observe above I am personally very much stuck in the "she misses me, but finds its hard to talk/doesn't want to" stage, and I'm sure many others are too, it'd be great to "compare notes" as it were.

 

[illusionist]

If you feel betrayed and hurt would you really want to open up your emotions to how much you missed someone?

 

[Seeking]

At this very moment I'm sitting in a psychiatrist office getting help. It's been about 3 weeks since we've talked and it's very hard to deal with. I dont sleep, barely eat and just cry and worry. Yesterday after I sent him a picture with the caption sending you all my love, he responded love you too. It's funny how getting that one little sentence btightened my day. Now today I sent a text saying that I believe in him and that "im riding for him ":) that's a little saying he wrote on a card when he sent me flowers that he was riding for me :) he responded by saying thank you. I feel like words of encouragement are good, attempting to keep the door open, being supportive are good for them. For me and of course him, I PRAY! I'm here to also talk about it and possibly get on some meds to help with the anxiety that um having. I feel like he hasn't asked me to leave him alone or its over. He's just isolating.

 

[TheMinsterman]

If you feel betrayed and hurt would you really want to open up your emotions to how much you missed...

Me personally? It'd depend on the context of the conversation really, if they weren't receptive to respectfully discussing how it's affected me? No. If they were, potentially yes. In terms of my "sufferer" (always feels like the wrong term), her anger is that she let somebody "tell her what to do" when her instincts were to do something else, she even admitted I probably did the right thing, essentially I recommended she talk to somebody about an event that happened for her own safety, those people have now fallen out with her, so she feels they may use it against her. As I obviously recommended telling somebody, she's included me in that overall betrayal in a sense, although she has conceded I didn't threaten or force her in anyway and as I say her anger is mostly directed at herself, from the parts she's shared anyway.

Apologies if I've misunderstood the message.

 

[alice in wonderalnd]

At this very moment I'm sitting in a psychiatrist office getting help. It's been about 3 weeks since we...

I am new here and I hope all is well with you. I 100% understand the moments of joy when the one you love sends any kind of sign. When all you want to do is sit and talk, not even about marriage or relationships, but just "normal BS", it hurt's when you have no communication and how overjoyed we become by one simple act of kindness shown, almost like a drug. It's so difficult being apart from the one you vowed to spend your life with doesn't seem to want any part of it anymore. How long do you wait? How long do you pray? How long until you let go of the dream you had after meeting "mr right".