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- #13
ThorDogofThunder
New Here
I've spent the last couple of days reading through threads on this site, and they have been jaw-droppingly helpful. It's amazing to read through what the sufferers think, and how the thought processes work, and it's comforting to know that the experiences I have with my guy are not unique to us. There are CLEAR patterns and shared experiences here. Most of my family and friends can't imagine why I've been "letting" myself go through this. They think I should have left him a long time ago. I can't explain to them that, on an instinctual level, I know that he doesn't do any of this on purpose and that it hurts him as much (or more, even) than it hurts me when he's isolating or breaking up with me.
I'm sorry. All I can say is that I know SO WELL what you are feeling. It's the worst. I'll cross my fingers that things improve for you two. Or, if they don't, I wish the same thing for you that I wish for myself--that I'll *know* when I have to walk away, that I can accept the finality of that walking away, and that I'll be able to do it with peace in my heart, knowing that I did the best I could.
Based on advice from this thread, I shortened the letter by a lot and slipped through his mail slot on Sunday evening. I haven't seen him or spoken to him on the phone since then, but I'm gratified and relieved because on Sunday night he sent me a text saying he received the letter and thanking me for it. He's sent me a couple of texts since then, nothing major, just text small talk, but it means he's interested in communication. Just now I received a text implying that he wants to see me soon (YEA!!!!).
One thing I learned from other threads on here is the importance of anniversary dates for people with PTSD. Just two weeks ago was the 15 year anniversary of his mother's death which, based on reading through threads here, may have been the trigger. I have a loving relationship with my family, and both my parents are still alive, so I can't really imagine that 15 years later, the anniversary would cause me to spiral out into fog and isolation. I can well imagine it making me sad, of course, but I think I'd WANT to connect with people who love me during that time. Anyway, knowing his history, (his trauma is practically from before birth--violent dad, a mom who used my guy as an emotional crutch from the beginning) it makes total sense that the anniversary of her death would cause deep anguish and guilt, etc., and trigger a need for isolation. I'll know that for next time--should we still be together--and won't be surprised. He has other triggers, though, and I wish I knew more of them. Compounding an entire childhood steeped in violence and distrust is the fact that although he's not a vet, he has spent time in both combat situations and disaster situations due to his job in international emergency food aid. So, the poor guy gets his C-PTSD from every angle. :(
I'm sorry. All I can say is that I know SO WELL what you are feeling. It's the worst. I'll cross my fingers that things improve for you two. Or, if they don't, I wish the same thing for you that I wish for myself--that I'll *know* when I have to walk away, that I can accept the finality of that walking away, and that I'll be able to do it with peace in my heart, knowing that I did the best I could.
Based on advice from this thread, I shortened the letter by a lot and slipped through his mail slot on Sunday evening. I haven't seen him or spoken to him on the phone since then, but I'm gratified and relieved because on Sunday night he sent me a text saying he received the letter and thanking me for it. He's sent me a couple of texts since then, nothing major, just text small talk, but it means he's interested in communication. Just now I received a text implying that he wants to see me soon (YEA!!!!).
One thing I learned from other threads on here is the importance of anniversary dates for people with PTSD. Just two weeks ago was the 15 year anniversary of his mother's death which, based on reading through threads here, may have been the trigger. I have a loving relationship with my family, and both my parents are still alive, so I can't really imagine that 15 years later, the anniversary would cause me to spiral out into fog and isolation. I can well imagine it making me sad, of course, but I think I'd WANT to connect with people who love me during that time. Anyway, knowing his history, (his trauma is practically from before birth--violent dad, a mom who used my guy as an emotional crutch from the beginning) it makes total sense that the anniversary of her death would cause deep anguish and guilt, etc., and trigger a need for isolation. I'll know that for next time--should we still be together--and won't be surprised. He has other triggers, though, and I wish I knew more of them. Compounding an entire childhood steeped in violence and distrust is the fact that although he's not a vet, he has spent time in both combat situations and disaster situations due to his job in international emergency food aid. So, the poor guy gets his C-PTSD from every angle. :(
