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I 100% believe you never did it with the intention of causing him pain, but I think it really is a sign of your own, long term, emotional pain finally just bursting out of control. You've put up with the lack of affection for years whilst feeling awful, and it sounds like you finally got a taste...

Just read through this... well, damn. The slap to the fact I really kind of needed, being understanding of a condition and allowing yourself to cloud people's shitty behaviour because of it are two different things and I think I am very guilty of doing a dance of combining the two...

I suspect so, it's easier to hate and lash out at somebody we've set up to be objectively flawed or "bad" in some way. It's a part of the human condition, it's easy to hate "the other" and the "enemy". It's a shame we get seen as that but I am sure it's very much an active part of it.

I feel for you, I honestly do, but as Silver says, you've had an emotional affair. I am of the belief that my SO (or ex, dunno at this point) has done so too, she has isolated from me and invested in her friendship with somebody else with full commitment. Whether anything physical has happened...

I'm not a sufferer myself, but having been in a relationship with somebody who suffered this sort of trauma, I definitely recommend you stay away from your ex for the time being, you really do not anybody reinforcing self-blame right now. It's so easy to slip into self-blame and the power of...

It's only my theory, but I think the vilification is just a normal stress response in people. When my stress is at peak I am such an arsehole, I lash out, I say things I may not really mean, anybody going through a bad patch of PTSD is obviously excessively stressed, which would explain the...

It sounds like he is in withdrawal mode, which is very upsetting and confusing for supporters, especially the first time it happens and especially when you used to be very close. You have to remember you're looking at this, for want of a better word, "logically", if somebody withdraws and stops...

I feel so sorry for you, I can really sympathise with the feeling of being "punished" for losing your cool or not reacting in the best of ways, and I can understand why it has made him withdraw. It can make them very quickly change their tune about you, my SO went from saying I'm the love of her...

I can massively sympathise with this feeling, two steps backwards after any steps forward is essentially atypical of my relationship for the past two months. Whenever she shares things, she immediately closes back up and goes back into withdrawal and avoidance, refusing to really communicate as...

It's certainly only comparing notes, I have OCD and am fully aware that it comes with certain "aspects" that will seem odd to others. Honestly my only real intention of being here is to learn, to understand better, it helps to talk to other "supporters" sometimes to get their perspectives and to...

This hit such a nail on the head for me. My SO keeps listing all the things I've done and I am always understanding and I actively offer her space... but she won't take it, and if she does it's just to stew and come back with more problems, not solutions.

I'm not allowed to help now because I will make it worse is probably the best comparison to the touching stuff. Because I've made some errors recently all of the times I've helped and made things better no longer exist so I need to just stop and go away I'd the current situation. Best comparison...

My OCD definitely flares up in response to my SOs trauma spirals. It's like I get invested in what she's feeling and going through, sadly OCD wants to answer all questions and solve everything and get involved in making sure things work out. I start to get into nervous and anxious patterns...

I did, prior to her recent spiral. She was reasonably receptive when she was on more secure ground, maybe didn't take it all on board but was open to my suggestion that she be kinder to herself and embrace failure. I always used my Masters as a example, nothing went to plan, I had extensions due...

Because you actually care about yourself, you're looking for something to make you feel better about the break up, getting him to come here is a way of "helping" which will make you feel good. Break ups are hard, don't vilify yourself, be kind to yourself and let yourself feel hurt, betrayed...

Oh yes, massive overplanner over here. She has these grand plans that she will just solve all her problems, which inevitably all fail because the expectations are just way too high. Then comes the disappointment and annoyance, the withdrawal etc.

I have to admit I am starting to become highly dubious if the temporarily part of the thread title. It honestly feels permanent half of the time. I am pretty sure at this stage I am the resurrected Frankenstein corpse of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Genghis Khan and Vlad the Impaler who is...

That's the worst thing I have discovered on here, there's no fixed answer and it'll depend entirely on you two as people. My SO isn't in treatment right now and it is abysmal to the point where I am seriously contemplating what to do, because love no matter how deep on its own isn't the...

Yes and no, I have taken the greatest brunt of the criticism and shutting down, I've assumed because I am an easy target to project all of her stress onto because deep down she knows I won't hurt her in retaliation.

I completely agree. Right now whilst I understand it I am processing a lot of anger towards her. These are the reasons she shuts me out, barely speaks to me and isn't "into this right now." I feel like saying she won't abandon me is a bit rich when she's avoiding me and there's no obvious...

Thanks for the reply, that was certainly part of it, she feels frustrated for allowing herself to be pushed into making a decision she regrets now. But at no point did I say if she didn't make the choice there'd be a consequence of any kind, so you're right, she chose to act on my advice. I...

@tiredtexan Oh no, I thought I may have been safe! I assume I'll be to blame for world hunger soon enough.

I have a Masters and am doing a PhD, I think that's the only reason I haven't got that one lol Yet.

I apologise in advance if you'd rather I kept this to one thread, but I wanted to start a new one based around a specific issue for feedback from people. As I stated in my other thread, my SO revealed to me yesterday that she is feeling betrayed by something that happened last year. She stated...

I'd assume it can mean anything, I find that people have their own ways of expressing how they're feeling, if you can find out specifically what he means, fantastic, but for now I'd take a wide birth and let him "feel bad". At the moment my SO feels I betrayed her and has told me she needs to...