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what would those be in your opinion?

^I'm sorry but that's too black and white. i appreciate your interest and concern on this matter however. ^this was meant to be addressed to Still Standing just wanted to clear that up, thanks

maybe i see things differently, but i accept love where i find it. when it becomes jealous or obsessive then i back away but if someone cares for me, who i truly am, and not who they imagine me to be, i'll keep them in my life, despite their imperfections. despite everything, this is a fairly...

doesn't address issues, just tells me i'm doing great then bills me. it's dumb. she's too busy to see me regularly too so nothing gets accomplished. i'm shopping for someone else. frankly i can't afford therapy and my life sucks therefore i am in this compromising relationship which makes...

where?? i still see no drawbacks. i think the girlfriend should know but i don't have control over that. i stay away from married men, especially with children. since he doesn't want to leave her and he won't tell her, i'm happy to help make sure she doesn't find out, especially if it would...

how can i want to be right if according to you i have no self esteem?

those are just descriptors, it doesn't mean anything on its own. it's not an argument.

yes but the reason people with good parenting fare better in life is they had a good model. they still had to be able to learn but they didn't have to figure it out all on their own.

you're not even bothering to read my posts. i want someone to discuss the issue with me instead of offering up an opinion based on a knee jerk emotional reaction. no one can tell me WHY i'm wrong, just that i am.

this seems like double think -- someone in this thread tells me i'm victim blaming because i'm comparing myself favorably to another DV survivor then i'm told to take initiative and fix my problems?? there's a real lack of critical thinking and rationality in this thread. i'm open to being...

^this is obvious, but unless you've been in a healthy relationship with decent boundaries you're just doing trial and error. i'm not saying it's impossible to learn but you'll waste a lot of time in the meantime.

but it's one of them. i don't feel that i'm communicating clearly with the other posters here. this for example, is not the dynamic at stake. i think it's easy for someone who isn't there to make a lot of assumptions about what they think is going on. a lot of counselors don't want to...

i appreciate the attempts of the others here to point out where i'm going wrong. so far you're just telling me you disagree, this doesn't help.

I've done so and he's listened and he'll make his own decision. That's the extent of my leverage here. I agree it's less than ideal.

it's not my fault that people are abusive to me but it's my fault if i don't learn to negotiate those situations successfully. if i stay in a relationship despite knowing that it is toxic, if i make less-than-optimal decisions in terms of reporting and prosecuting the people who victimize me...

DV victims are frequently gaslighted but there's always a point where you can exercise free will. I learned not to be a masochist. It's not my job to tell men to be loyal to their partners. That's not my responsibility.

^this is a very facile comment from someone at the other end of a modem but you grew up in an environment where these did not exist you cannot know what's appropriate and what's not.

maybe but it doesn't mean anything to me. the sex feels good and the relationship isn't hurting me. i can't control other people's behavior and it's not my job to tell them what to do. applying meaning to the situation is beside the point. ideals such as fidelity and commitment are just...

for intimate relationships this is the obvious solution, when it's your boss there needs to be some kind of negotiation at stake.

it's up front and honest with me. i don't ask if he sleeps with someone else, just that he doesn't give me any bugs. he might be f*cking the woman he's living with but i highly doubt it, and i'm not bothered either way. it actually seems like the ideal starting point for a really decent...

nope, he was entirely clear with me going into it. it would be a casual encounter and would not mean anything. now he is the one falling in love. the house is in his name, the girlfriend is a domestic violence survivor who is too dependent to manage on her own or so he feels. i think this is...

It's terrible but I actively expect my partners to cheat on me. It's not that people have cheated on me, it's that I've seen so much of it that I don't really trust human nature anymore. People are fallible, and chase pleasure. If I were in a committed relationship and someone "betrayed my...

^this is impossible for people who come from a background of abuse it's something i've had to learn over time, from meeting the odd, kind acquaintance who taught me better.

I agree and am looking for someone else, but it seems okay for now. He genuinely cares about me and is not treating me poorly. I spend time gauging how I feel when I'm around him and on net balance it's a positive thing in my life. He's been completely honest with me to this point. He needs...

He is a mentor from a previous job, we worked together for some time and became quite close. I knew there was some romantic attraction, and because I knew and trusted him it seemed safe to act upon it. He also thought it would be a good experience. But it feels things are feeling more serious...