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On the way to mom's. Uuuuuuuggghhhhhh I'm high school, I got a t-shirt made with the queen symbol on the front, and in the back "I just gotta get out of this prison cell, someday I'm gonna be free" I did mean I would get out of my parents house, but when mom took it personally, I said "I dunno...

Had an interview yesterday, pretty sure I got it, and I'll start training next week. I will say, somehow, I must have grown, or changed, without really realizing it? Usually before interviews, I'm so nervous, and convinced that I won't get the job, they don't want me, omg, how to explain my work...

Appreciate the "chicken" side. I was in the same place last week. A friend was actually going to call for a mental health arrest for me. I can't say it was any major shift out of thinking about it, but after talking to friends, getting out of my isolation, I just didn't have the intense urge...

I did type first write later, and did go back and reread, and pretty much every one said, yeah, contact him. Feelin a bit sheepish! :) Thanks all for being here :) thanks @ladee :)

Thanks @ladee :) <3 I really really really REALLY appreciate you!!!! Now that I'm away from it, I can't believe I was actually in that place. Also, I am surprised that I didn't go into the opposite of there, like in to a really good mood. But appreciative, I think, of that too. Cause the super...

I'm updating my old thread to not start a new one, is that ok? I went to the new therapist that he had passed me on to twice. We did NOT hit it off. When I went in last week, I told her, I still don't think I can do it, but I'm definitely thinking of ways to end it. She told me to get the eff...

Well. What a ...week? I dunno. What a life. Lol. I went down for awhile. When I went in on Tuesday, I actually told the new therapist, yeah, I'm having a really hard time shutting up the voice that keeps saying "just die". That while, I never have been able to go through with any attempt at...

Yesterday I actually thought "wow, I feel like me again." And "whew, I'm out of the dark, that was inky this time, damn." Today.... Well. Tomorrow is another day, right?

I woke up 29 minutes before I was supposed to be there. No way to get there in time, but also, I thought I would sleep later. I guess I actually had already made my decision by not setting an alarm. I don't really want to go back. I'm sitting here waiting for dbag to leave again. The...

Ok. Typing typing to pass the bus ride. Technically, not even the ride yet. Still waiting to leave the transit center. Just left case managers. So pointless. I'm depressed, jobless, need to find housing.... "So what are you going to do?" "Find a new job or go back to old one, even though my...

Thanks, as always, @ladee <3 <3 <3 I meant that everything that's wrong with me/that I do wrong/that happens cause I do stupid things is my fault, not EVERYthing that happens. Smart ass. :) I'm so BLANK right now. "I'm not afraid things won't get better, but it feels like this has gone on...

On the way (super early) to see new t. Kinda like when you take the car in for a knock, and when you get there, there is no knock, now that I'm on the way, though I've been crying for days, now I'm not. Then again, maybe I'm more numb than anything. Again, thought i could type some things out...

I checked out of there awhile ago, but was still making myself go, cause "it's not right to just quit, I have responsibilities, nobody likes work, etc" but, last sunday, I made myself sick so I could leave early ( I was sick, gallbladder issues, but I'm kinda used to them at this point and can...

Soooooooooo. I quit another job. Oops. Whaaaat is WRONG with me.

"I live in conflict and contradiction, but it can be so beautiful when I don't reject what lies within" "When we are not denying anything, nothing is an enemy" Stop taking things so seriously Bananie. When did you get like this?

No, no, I need to get some of these things out. So much easier to type than write. What i need to work on: why the die voice is the loudest. The quitter voice. The one who says I'm a burden. Everything will always suck. The one that is sabotaging this line of thought right now. Why won't you let...

Only been up 2 hours, but interesting day so far. I had two appts today that I was looking forward to. One with new T, and one with case manager. I ended up sleeping 16 hours, right through my alarm, and waking up what would've been 10 minutes into my appt with new T. Panicked and started...

I was standing at the bus stop, wallowing, and also, looking at my feet cause I stubbed my toe getting into bed at 5 this morning and didn't even look at it then. Anyway, then I thought, if someone saw me standing at the stop staring at my feet, what would they think, then I thought of the...

Melissa etheridge, I will never be the same

So. When I ask myself what do you want to do? A voice immediately says "die" and then I'm kinda like, sigh. That's extremist. Not the option we're going with.. So, next choice? Well. This job is the perfect environment to do other things in. Should I go to school? Work on starting a business...

Cool. Today is a crying day. Great. I'm sure it'll be fine when I go to work. Because there is a person there. Yeah. I definitely isolate too much. That is why you're crying, you're totally dissatisfied with yourself. If today you're in pain, then tomorrow you'd better change, well anyway...

Ah. Nice to sit here with a keyboard and not a phone. I love them both, universe, don't take either of them from me, but, sometimes, typing on keys is easier. More and more, I feel like I have to explain to the universe my intentions. Which I realize is silly as I type it. Not because I'm...

I dunno if this only one bus to taco bell thing is such a good thing lol. It might be worse when I start to drive.... but I still scheduled my road test for June! Woot! Then I just need to get a car. 6 years of not driving has been tooooooo long. Ah. Continuing with the freedom theme. The dbag...

When you thought you couldn't stand, remember what it feels like. That's a lyric from Rob Thomas, The Great Unknown. It helps me at the times when I really think I can't, or just don't want to, go on. I do remember, and I remember how I always keep going, like all of us here, in any way...

I'm freeeeeeeeeeee And I don't know if it's because I made no mistakes, or because i cried when he was admonishing me on sunday, but my boss didn't have anything to say today. Phew!