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Sorry to hear you are having such a bad night. I hope you are able to feed into yourself that you are now safe so that you are able to release some of what you are feeling and able to find some peace. God bless Helen

Just wanted to let you know I have been thinking of you and am so glad you made it safey home and hope you have been able to make some decision about how you are going to go forwards. In terms of the exam I was just thinking that I know it would be such a hard thing, but know for me that if I...

Really glad you have been able to keep yourself busy and grounded and am thinking of you loads and hope you are able to also look after yourself in the time you have once you are home and am praying peace for you. God bless Helen

I personally don't have much memory at all from before the age of eleven when I went to boarding school (where I got a grant maintained place to get me out if the situation at home). I still remember very little from being at home during the holidays until the time I moved out at age 15. Over...

I am sorry to hear you had such a bad night and hope that being able to leave today will bring you the release and safety which you need. Above all I hope that what you take from these posts is that what happened was not your fault and hope you are able to treat yourself and look after yourself...

I have just picked up this thread as we are about five hours ahead of you so I am really hoping you have been able to sleep and that you are able to find yourself in a safer place today. I agree that remembering is not the only way to heal but believe that the only way to heal is to learn to...

I just wanted to say that I hope your day has been ok. I am not surprised it is hard to see them on a day like today, especially with your whole family too, as there are so many expectations of how families "should" be at times like this, and I think that only adds to it when situations are...

@Ghostybear73 I am so sorry to hear the experiences you have with your family and am glad that you are able to distance yourself from them and give yourself the protection you do deserve and hope you are able to find blessings from the people you do have around you now. @littlelostchild I am...

Being on control now I know is also such an important thing and the fact that I am an adult now and that they do not have the same power over me is also so important and I do appreciate you reminding me of that too. Helen

Sorry phone was playing up and managed to duplicate post. Helen

@digger1 thank you for your suggestion. As adult Helen I do know so well that I do want to have compassion for little Helen and know that the other parts which come in where I just want to destroy myself and shut it out like that so much are also just parts which are so terrified and that...

Thank you so much for your reply. I don't really know how I will specifically deal with it yet, but do know that talking it through with my husband before so I can ensure it is possible to look after myself properly is so important. So often I feel so angry with myself for even feeling as I do...

I just wish is was as easy to do as say with the keeping myself safe, but do know I have to keep reminding myself that it is so important and do know it is. I am also smoking at the moment, after a long time of not and then starting again, and though I also know its not the greatest do know it...

Thank you both so much for your understanding. In so many ways I just want everything to be OK for the family I have now, but with so much going on with everything coming up for me at the moment that is so hard and even finding the strength to keep going so hard at times and I really do feel so...

Thank you for letting me vent. So often I just wish it could be over but do know I have to keep trusting that I can get through and not let myself go back into that self destruct place, but that is just so hard at the moment and all the pressures of being a wife and mother too, even though I...

I don't even know what to write on here really, but am just having such a hard time at the moment and know there are so many people who understand on here and just need so much to somehow believe that I really can get through this and that it will be worth it. I have four amazing children and a...

I am not surprised that you find it hard to be vulnerable and really am glad you have such a good therapist. I really hope it goes well on Monday and will be thinking of you. God bless Helen

Thank you for this. I know it is something I am likely to read often. Its crazy how much easier it is to think of all the things we fail in than the reality of the things we do manage to achieve and give to our children, and I know this will be helpful in many of those more difficult moments. Helen

I am glad you are going to talk to your therapist, and though you say you are embarressed that you are afraid to face her, I really do think she will totally understand, as you really are facing such difficult things, and I know for myself that it can also be so difficult to allow myself to be...

I can understand why it would feel like a foreign concept. When I first considered it it was because the counsellor I was seeing at the time recommended me reading a book called 'rescuing the inner child' by Penny parks. At that time I started to connect with it, but was also right in the middle...

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this so much. I know it is true that not everyone with PTSD has issues with eating, but know for myself that it is something which has been an issue for a lot of years. About six years ago I was at my most severe with full blown anorexia and lost...

Being brave is not about not being afraid, it is about having the courage to face your fears, which it is so evident you are doing, and if you did not feel afraid it would be because you are still pushing it all away. I know you say it seems silly to fear the holidays because of your fear of...

I can relate to those feelings of wanting to run away so much but at the same time wanting to run to your therapist, and also the feelings of wanting to disassociate but finally realising that actually it is not a safe place and will not really bring healing or freedom. You are being so brave...

I just picked up this thread from the link to your other one. You have done so well in the way you have handled the situation and I am so glad to hear that you have such a sensitive and good therapist. I am glad that you are also able to go on Monday and though I know it must feel so hard it is...

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can find some safety and friendship here. God bless Helen