Flashback Types And T Grounding You

[mytai]

I definitely need to talk to my T about the small child images I'm seeing. Hoping it is just because I missed a dose of my meds and it threw my body off (one can hope right?). It seems like when I'm feeling off already for health reasons that I'm plagued more with unwanted feelings and images - just don't have the energy to do everyday tasks and hold it together (kind of).

@HelenB you sharing your experiences whether directly related or not are helpful. I appreciate it. Even if we are in different places, for different reasons it helps knowing someone has experienced similar things.

I am struggling today with the images. Also struggling to keep my breathing steady which is what my T wants me to focus on doing during the day so I don't dissociate so much. Hard time breathing in general right now... I really hope the pneumonia isn't coming back for round 2, but I do feel like I'm drowning in my own lungs again. :sick::sleep:

Trying to stay awake at work right now, didn't sleep much last night because of that small child invading my head all night.

 

[ButterflyBean]

My T called back, she is going to see me on Monday. I'm actually very anxious about it. I'm finding it very hard to think about facing her after yesterday.

Given your current situation with the images and everything, I'm glad you're going to see her on Monday! From your other posts, I've read that you have talked about your fears with her before, so just tell her you're afraid to face her after what happened last session. I understand your fear; you were vulnerable, and now you feel exposed. I think you know that your T can't help you unless she knows what's going on inside. As I said, be gentle with yourself and take things at your pace; just remember, you are in control, and your T seems really sensitive to your needs!

I am struggling today with the images. Also struggling to keep my breathing steady which is what my T wants me to focus on doing during the day so I don't dissociate so much. Hard time breathing in general right now... I really hope the pneumonia isn't coming back for round 2, but I do feel like I'm drowning in my own lungs again.

If you feel like you're getting sick again, you should probably call the doctor. It can't hurt to get checked out again. I hear your struggle, and I can really relate/empathize! I have been dealing with the same dream for over two weeks now, and last night was the first time I didn't have the rightmare. So, I want you to know that you are not alone when it comes to distressing images, especially concerning feeling like a small, scared child!

As far as the breathing, try to take slow deep breaths. Sometimes counting up from one on the inhale and then doing the same when you exhale helps make your breath steadier. I know the goal is to lesson the dissociation, but it will come with time and practice. I can guarantee that your T doesn't expect a huge change overnight! The progress you've made this week can be emotionally and physically draining, so be gentle and only do as much as your body can handle! Of course, try to stay grounded and in the present as much as possible, but at the same time, just let things happen if they reach a certain point; sometimes it's better if you don't fight the dissociation, but I am certainly no expert on that!

I think you're doing awesome, and I admire the fact that you keep going despite your challenges! I mean it when I say you can send me a PC if you are having a difficult moment and need to chat right away! I have multiple ways of accessing the site and check my messages constantly. Keep up the good work, and please post about your session. If and when you feel up to it!

~Holly :) :tup: :hug:

 

[mytai]

From your other posts, I've read that you have talked about your fears with her before, so just tell her you're afraid to face her after what happened last session. I understand your fear; you were vulnerable, and now you feel exposed. I think you know that your T can't help you unless she knows what's going on inside.

I have talked about my fears before, I do find it helpful - so I will take your advice and do it again this time. Although it is embarrassing that I'm afraid to face her :oops:

Unfortunately I don't have a doctor right now, so going to see one means going to the hospital (walk in clinics are only open during the hours I work). Not ready to go to the hospital (plus it isn't bad enough yet), so I will probably wait to see how I am after the holidays and then hit up a walk in clinic on one of my days off if I'm still feeling like this.

Thanks Holly for the PC offer, I might just need to take you up on that.

 

[HelenB]

I definitely need to talk to my T about the small child images I'm seeing.

I am glad you are going to talk to your therapist, and though you say you are embarressed that you are afraid to face her, I really do think she will totally understand, as you really are facing such difficult things, and I know for myself that it can also be so difficult to allow myself to be so vulnerable in situations like this.

One thing I was reading this week which I do not know will help you or not, was a chapter of my course reader which is about counselling children. In one of the case studies one of the children was expressing herself through the narative of a story, which was not in fact a story about herself, but other characters, such as Dr Who, yet through this narrative, she was also able to process, without even directly joining the link to things within her own experience, the things which were going on for her in her own life. I do not know how you see these images of this little girl in your head, but for me know that recognising that they are very powerful images which are going on for me, really helped me in allowing myself to process and accept the things going on, and I would really hope for you that as you are able to address and work through so many powerful emotions and images in the safety which you do have with your therapist, that you can come to a place where you can find true freedom from them and really be released into the full blessings you deserve.

I am also glad that sharing my own experiences can be of help to you and I really hope that you are able physically to be able to feel better soon and know that with all the emotional things on top of it it will be so draining too and hope you are able to also give yoursef the rest and care which you do deserve.

Helen

 

[mytai]

I really do think she will totally understand, as you really are facing such difficult things, and I know for myself that it can also be so difficult to allow myself to be so vulnerable in situations like this

I don't doubt that she will understand, never had a problem believing her when she says that. Probably because she has openly told me she doesn't understand some situations (i.e. the connection between my abuser and I) until I explained a situation/memory of abuse with her. So I know and believe that she doesn't just say that if she doesn't actually understand.

I also have difficulty allowing myself to be vulnerable period, let alone in therapy. I'm the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve but pretends not to. Allowing myself to be vulnerable almost feels like a stupid move to me sometimes because I'm giving someone the opportunity to hurt me, whereas if I am closed off then they can't hurt me (emotionally anyways).

Thank goodness my T spent so much time working on building trust and taking it very slow with me, otherwise I definitely would have had a huge freak out if I had a flashback in front of her and cried like I did. Very grateful to have a T like her when I haven't had ones that worked for me before, and when there are others who can't find one.

 

[HelenB]

I am not surprised that you find it hard to be vulnerable and really am glad you have such a good therapist. I really hope it goes well on Monday and will be thinking of you.

God bless
Helen