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I just got home and I'm calling the police. I went to my car and someone left a beer bottle right next to the front drivers side. It may be nothing, I may be over reacting. But he hit me in the face with a beer bottle almost two weeks ago. If it isn't nothing then this is a very clear threat and...

@Echo, if she was a legitimate service dog, even if they said something they couldn't prevent me from having her there. I've been debating on and off whether to apply for a service dog, whether I really need one. I know I would benefit from one, especially with dissociation but I also feel...

Sorry that you're having a rough time right now @Echo. I really hope that you are able to find some comfort to get your bearings back.

@Echo, Chelsea used to be allowed to come to work with me on the weekends only, but someone in another office complained that a dog was in the building (she never barked inside or made a mess). So sadly that is no longer an option. Not sure how to pull the pieces back together. I'm lucky if I...

@Echo, I was told last time when the investigation was done, but that was during an interview at the station. I don't know if they would tell me before they contacted him this time, they didn't say they would. I think you're right, I should wait to contact them before I go see my T, just in case...

@Echo, I'm not really coping well at all. I'm not self-harming, but I am not doing well with my eating habits. I'm over-exercising and not eating enough, I know this, but I feel helpless to stop it right now. My anxiety is ridiculous, I actually feel like everyone can see it on me now. I've been...

Found my answer to whether I can purchase and carry mace or pepper spray. I can't. It's prohibited in Canada according to the Criminal Code of Canada. If I'm caught with it (or mainly use it) I can be charged with assault. There is a fine line on whether or not I would be charged if it was for...

@Rumors, I will make sure to look into the mace. My T has mentioned it a few times in our last two sessions, but I need to double check the laws. The last thing I need is to be charged myself because I used something illegal.

@Rumors I wish a tazer was legal. Not sure on mace, I'm looking into the laws of it in my province. In the meantime I'm putting my keys between my fingers when I walk alone. I nearly had a heart attack walking to my car to move it. But I made it safely, I didn't get hurt.

@Echo, I have my bosses spot again today - that's the area I was attacked. I have continually asked for the office to pay for my parking but they won't. I fight for it on a weekly basis. I work downtown so my office doesn't technically have designated parking, we use public spots that we can...

@desiderata310, I know old guys can do bad things too, believe me I know.. I just didn't get that this guy was a threat until the physical contact. He was very frail. I will try giving the police a call about an escort and see if they will do it considering security refuses to stay a little...

@The Albatross, I'm the only one left in the office at that time. I'm not going to ask a stranger to walk me to my car unless they are security, and they are gone at that time. I'm not stupid, I have thought of who might be available at that time.

@The Albatross, I get what you're saying about yesterday's triggers, but they are affecting me today still. As for asking someone to walk me to my car, I know it's okay to ask - the problem is that security is gone by then. @TimeToHeal, glad I'm not the only one who is bothered by that...

So this touches on a few different topics that could go under different topics, but the majority of this post is about dissociation so I put it here. Yesterday I was triggered a few times, once anger/frustration was triggered (I rarely ever get actually angry) and the other time was intense...

I'm tired of defending what I've become... I feel like I'm constantly explaining to people why I am the way I am, why I make the choices I do. That I believe or say things because of what has happened, why I see everything through the eyes of abuse. I'm just so tired of defending myself...

I'm doing so so @Ryn. I really wanted to call the police and ask how things are going with the investigation, but I chickened out - didn't want to run the risk of hearing bad news. On a side note, I got my stitches out... at least with them in the ugly marks on my face made sense, now I just...

My T said something today that the detective told her when they were talking on the phone in February or March. That the detective said that my uncle was a mean man, and that he was slow. For some reason it really upset me to hear that someone thought he was a mean man. Not that I don't...

@TimeToHeal, I'm trying to take care of myself the best I know how right now. After I get off work tomorrow morning I plan on taking as much time as I need to sleep, take Chelsea for a good walk, and relax until I go help my old English prof with her book signing. @Ryn, that's not something I...

I had my session with both the social worker and my T later on today. I don't really connect with the social worker but it helps release a bit of the pent up garbage. We mainly talked about the attacks and then I lost track of what we were doing. My T and I talked a bit about the attacks...

@Justmehere, it's not a problem verbalizing anymore with my T - not in this case anyways. It's more so that I've held myself together all week and then I can't let myself feel anything even though I want to because it is a safe place to. I'm not reluctant to talk to my T or share, I want to...

@TryinToHeal, I wish I knew and then I could prevent it. I'm hoping the police can figure out so it can be stopped.

I have two sessions tomorrow, one with the social worker, and one with my T. Last week I had trouble letting my guard down in my T's office so I could let myself feel, I've never really had trouble with that since I was able to the first time, and she has done nothing to make me put my guard...

@Ryn, I will have to let others be strong for me. I feel very fragile right now, and I'm scared to break before I see my T on Thursday. Having people listen here and offer input helps get me through until I see my T, lets me let out a bit of the built up pressure so I can make it to my...

@desiderata310, trying to be kind to myself. This feeling is different than the one I had after the sexual assaults in December. I almost feel more violated in a way because he followed me for two days before the attack, and he now knows where I work. Work was my safe place, I didn't have to...

I feel like if I stop and think about all that's happened, I'm going to drown in it. I wish I was stronger.