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I am so thankful for this thread - @Snowflake I relate so much to what you said. This seemingly constant tension of pushing away, yet desperation to hold on for dear life. Just this morning I told my T how much I hate our relationship - because it is so important to me and that terrifies me. I...

Just wanted to say thanks for everyone who responded. I did go to urgent care yesterday - there is nothing they can do, but the doctor did write me a prescription for antibiotics just in case. It was incredibly hard to do that - I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. It was awful. I got an...

I know that you are probably right - I just can't bring myself to do it.... It's not that the cuts are deep, per se, but more that they are really wide. So even if I did go - I don't know how they could stitch it closed because they are close together. Ugh, I'm sorry. My husband is so sad -...

I am just feeling super low today. I self-harmed yesterday - and it was bad. The worst I have ever done. I thought that I should maybe have it looked at as it could require stitches, but I did not want to go in and admit that I did it myself. Looking at it today, it is the first time I have...

I self-harm as well....you are not alone.

Thanks @oneday!

It's not new to me - I feel as though I do this a lot - in fact your example fits me perfectly. I think what is new for me is the terminology and actually trying to separate this out from myself. For example - I make a mistake and I go into major panic/shame mode. I can respond two ways: 1...

@Suzetig Sorry if that was confusing...I think I was just processing that triggers don't always lead to flashbacks - but that they can....does that make sense? I was just thinking about the distinction between the two.

Thanks Eve. Yea - I think the distinction is getting flooded with emotions that correspond to my past trauma and are not fitting to the current situation. And if I am thinking about this correctly, when my stuff gets triggered by something that happens now, it can cause flashbacks to occur, but...

I have tried to read through some of the past posts on this topic, but wasn't exactly finding what I was looking for. I think I have been having an increase in what I call emotional flashbacks - but just not sure if that's what they are. I have had a couple of very triggering things happen...

@sun seeker thank you for your concern. There was, obviously, a lot of context missing from our conversation. He was not saying I should let it all out at one time, he was more challenging my thought that I can't let any if it out, that I have to hold it in forever. I really do appreciate you...

DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy. There is a really good summary on the Psych Central website - google "What is DBT" (Sorry! I can't post the link!)

I just want to let you know that I can relate to what you have said when you acknowledge a traumatic past and having all of the symptoms, but still have a level of denial. Like - this is not for real - I am just being dramatic. However, I also need to look at it and say, yes I have a traumatic...

@Ragdoll Circus Thank you so much! Your response was so very encouraging, I really appreciate it. I know exactly what you mean by trying to leave first - I definitely go there too. I want to somehow anticipate the rejection or make it happen myself so that I can feel more in control.

Thanks @Ava Jarvis and @ladee for your kindness. I am just trying to sit with the security I left his office with - the safety I felt that we will continue on and not let my anxiety take over and lead my down an unhelpful path.

I was having a conversation with my T this morning and he sort of dropped a bomb on me, he is likely going to be moving to a city on the outside rim of our metro area (not definite yet) but that it would likely cause him to change where he is practicing. (Before you even say it, I realize that...

Thanks @Silent one

@Leigh925 Just wanted to let you know that I can relate to EVERYTHING you just said above. It is so wonderful to have such a great T, but that can be a trigger in and of itself - but to open ourselves up to exploring why it is hard, is so freeing. I am still working on it, BIG TIME, but...

Good question....I don't know? I mean, I know it is totally irrational, but it's like - if I let it all out, then it is out and I can't hide it and it feels awful and terrible. I can no longer deny it's truth and I need to face reality. If it is out and I have to face it - it's like a big black...

I had a really good session today - I felt like I did a pretty good job staying present, being honest in how I am feeling, and I started talking about things that I really don't want to talk about. They are hard and bring up a lot of feelings of shame and feeling dirty. I always get teary - and...

Thank you for posting this....

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I appreciate your support. It can be so exhausting when your thoughts and logic just do not match up to emotions - it's hard to deal with that and come to terms that it is okay for that to happen and to sit with emotions that are going nuts.

I am not having a good day today.... I just want to know and believe that I am loved and that people care and not have to second guess it all of the time and be so f-ing afraid and pretend like I can read their minds or expect the worse because every time I feel that love and feel that care and...

People have given you so much great advice, but I just wanted to chime in and encourage you to talk about these feelings with your T. I think you are asking yourself all of the right questions and seeking out all of the right things. It is hard stuff and the uncomfortable feelings can be...

I have "made" my therapist cry on a couple of occasions. It was definitely weird, but at the same time, it is really good. It is a sign that he really cares about me, that he is a real human being - and it has helped me to trust him a lot more. Definitely talk about it with your T! I think it...